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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this won't ruin Christmas?

978 replies

CaterpillarInTheGarden · 23/09/2019 09:14

Mil was saying it won't be long until dc will believe in santa-claus (dc is only 22 months so surely it would be next Christmas not the upcoming Christmas Hmm). I mentioned we were thinking of not doing the whole santa-claus thing and telling him the truth. Mil said how awful I was, and I will be ruining Christmas for my dc and that I'm a very selfish women.

AIBU to think that's a over reaction and it won't ruin Christmas. Any of you not do the whole santa-claus thing for Christmas?

OP posts:
vanillaicedtea · 23/09/2019 11:33

I'm with the MIL too. I think kids are growing up too quickly these days. I want Christmas to be a time where kids can be kids and enjoy the magic.

NoSauce · 23/09/2019 11:33

Grandparents are allowed to say when they think something is unfair where their GC are concerned. It would be better for them to speak to their own child and not their DIL/SIL though.

Of course the parent doesn’t have to take on board what they’ve said as it’s their child in question but to say it’s interfering is ridiculous.

bluegirlgreen · 23/09/2019 11:33

@Boobiliboobiliboo

Yes. Finding out my parents had lied to me - a very logical child - was deeply upsetting and affected my trust in them. Being forced to lie about it for younger siblings went against what I believed in and felt like another betrayal. It lasted several years and further damaged my relationship with my parents. I’ve spent £££s on counselling to try and rebuild the relationship.

My husband felt the same.

WTAF???

Seriously, you were left feeling betrayed and lied-to by your parents because you found out Santa was not real after all?! And it was so deeply upsetting, and affected your trust in them so badly, that you had to have COUNSELLING to deal with the trauma of it all??? Confused

And as @spanglydangly said, you just happened to meet a man with the EXACT same experience as you. What are the chances?! Shock

I think you've over-egged the pudding a bit sorry Grin

(And that goes out to a few OTHER posters on here too!) Grin

MiraLuna · 23/09/2019 11:33

I considered telling my kids the truth, but then my eldest is such a gobby little thing he would have spoiled it for all his friends. And TBH its added to the magic of the whole Christmas thing having them believe. We get to take them on lovely train trips, and making cookies for santa is a favourite of ours on christmas eve. Just be wary what you may set you DC up for if he isn't included in the magic, especially when they hit school age.

UndomesticHousewife · 23/09/2019 11:34

I assume the tooth fairy won't be coming to visit your dc and neither will the Easter bunny.

letsgomaths · 23/09/2019 11:35

[santa] Ho ho ho, lots of coal in the stockings of MNetters who say that "sure as shit" I will be coming? Shock [santa] [santa]

Seriously, though: I think a lot of children know that many stories aren't true, even ones which are told as if they are. Some stories directly address the reader. I remember one version of the Princess and the Pea which ended with "Now this is a true story". At primary school, I remember enjoying discussions about "could this be a true story?".

My parents didn't really do Santa; there were plenty of other people in my life who would "do Santa", but they did the tooth fairy. Lots of children at school spotted that Santa was really the caretaker.

Roald Dahl does it as well, telling stories as if they were fact, addressing the reader to do so. "In fairy tales, witches always wear silly black hats and cloaks and ride on broomsticks. But this is not a fairy tale: this is about REAL witches."

Also, this dialogue in Danny the Champion of the World. Danny probably knows that his father is making up the story of the Big Friendly Giant, but he asks:
"Have you ever seen the Big Friendly Giant?"
"I did once, yes."
"Really?! Were you frightened?"
"No. It was a thrilling sight to see him and a little eerie, but I wasn't frightened. Good night."
Did Danny really believe that?

HugoSpritz · 23/09/2019 11:36

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

JingsMahBucket · 23/09/2019 11:38

@Doormat247
What I did like was they asked me to think about whether he might be real, so I did have a choice. They'd have been really disappointed had I been stupid enough to say yes, knowing our fire had a locked door on it and a German shepherd who slept behind the front door therefore no way he could 'magic' himself inside the house.

This was hilarious, thank you! 😂

00100001 · 23/09/2019 11:38

I know kids who are terrified at the thought of Father Christmas...a strange man coming into their locked house at night....

Bezalelle · 23/09/2019 11:39

Children are hardly deprived from not "believing in Santa". I know plenty of Jewish kids who get on fine without him.

Jellybeansincognito · 23/09/2019 11:39

@00100001 really? The big scary man who leaves presents?

Ok...

combatbarbie · 23/09/2019 11:39

@bluegirlgreen my thoughts exactly.... I have PTSD from childhood but from my therapy not once has the santa issue been raised..... Or the tooth fairy or the easter bunny.....

jennymanara · 23/09/2019 11:41

You don't have to tell your child anything or make it into a big deal. Others will talk about Father Christmas to them.

FilthyforFirth · 23/09/2019 11:42

Those saying Christmas is magical without FC, with all due respect, how do you know? I dont doubt you have lovely magical christmases without him, but you have literally no idea how magical it is with him if you/your children havent experienced it.

For me, it IS for my child. I love Christmas and I am excited for him to have lovely magical memories for himself. My parents did christmas so well and I feel that was for me, not them. It is extra work, older siblings need to keep it going for younger ones etc. If it was 'all for the parents' they wouldnt bloody bother and get all the credit for gifts themselves etc.

I feel sorry for how miserable some people are.

CuteOrangeElephant · 23/09/2019 11:43

I think we are going to do quite a light touch - let DD(2) put a mince pie and stocking out, read some books about Santa, have some presents mysteriously appear but not do much more than that. Direct questions will be answered with a 'what do you think?'.

I would rather let her fantasy be the lead. She will absorb a lot from her surroundings like nursery anyway. I certainly wouldn't tell her outright that Santa doesn't exist.

There definitely won't be any Santa cams, elfs on the shelves or any nonsense like that. There will be Christmas crafting and gingerbread house making.

Maybe it's a bit grinchy, but I am from somewhere without Santa and DH sure isn't going to put in a lot of effort.

NotQuiteUsual · 23/09/2019 11:46

DD has never believed. We did the whole thing, but she just assumed it was a big pretend game that everybody plays. She loves playing along and never says anything to her friends because in her mind she knows they're playing along too like her. I love it and it's certainly just as magical as it is with our other DC who do believe.

Weirdly DD believes confidently in the Easter Bunny and the Tooth Fairy. Yet a friendly bloke giving you presents is step too far?!

pigeononthegate · 23/09/2019 11:46

It's hilarious that the most vocal opponents of "lying to children" and relying on "fairytales" to make childhood magical are the ones who believe in omnipotent spiritual entities who go about impregnating random women without intercourse/smiting the unworthy/remote controlling human destiny.

fascicle · 23/09/2019 11:47

We pretty much went for the middle ground - neither confirm nor deny Grin. I don't remember any pretending from my parents either. Doesn't need to detract from the enjoyment of Christmas - fun and traditions are not reliant on mythical characters.

Durgasarrow · 23/09/2019 11:48

What about all of your child's friends?

multivac · 23/09/2019 11:48

It's for the parents, really - bless them. It's so sad when they finally have to admit the truth: that their babies have actually never literally believed in the magic-present-man, and were really only pretending because it clearly meant so much for the grown-ups. And they are left with nothing but bleak, cold, joyless reality (for that is what life is like without Father Christmas) forever and ever....

Durgasarrow · 23/09/2019 11:48

Are you just trying to be mean to your MIL, seriously?

00100001 · 23/09/2019 11:50

@jellybeansincognito

Yes. The child was scared that a man could get inside their house at night whilst they were all asleep...

... It's hardly inconceivable that a small child might get worried about that...

Backinthebox · 23/09/2019 11:53

Santa Claus is real. We went to the island which has the ruins of his monastery on it in Turkey. He really did deliver gifts of gold coins down chimneys in the middle of the night (to save poor families from having to sell their daughter, but we haven't mentioned that bit to the kids yet.) They also know he wore green and a crown of ivy many years ago but thanks to Coca Cola advertising he now wears red. They know about the Scandinavian Yule Goat and the traditions that go with that. They know that the sun reaches it's lowest point and a party is a tradition thousands of years old. They know that some kind of magic happens at Christmas where family come together and presents arrive, some that family bring and some that arrive in the middle of the night. Father Christmas is intrinsically wound up in all of that excitement and joy. As others have said, you would be a complete fun sponge to deny your child that excitement. At least let him know some of the reasons why Father Christmas is such an integral part of the way we celebrate things now. (To complete things, my kids do know about the nativity and Jesus's birthday too, although one declares themselves a believer and the other not to be. They both understand the relevance of the nativity to the whole of Christmas though too.)

Drogosnextwife · 23/09/2019 11:54

Christmas has never been the same since I found out the truth about santa. I wish I could go back to being a child. It was so exciting, now its shit. Don't be a scrooge op. Also your child is nearly 2 I'm sure he would understand it a bit this year. If hes 22 months he will be 2 before Christmas.

combatbarbie · 23/09/2019 11:54

@00100001 because of todays society... I certainly didn't think of that when I was a child and don't recall anyone else from my childhood either.