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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this won't ruin Christmas?

978 replies

CaterpillarInTheGarden · 23/09/2019 09:14

Mil was saying it won't be long until dc will believe in santa-claus (dc is only 22 months so surely it would be next Christmas not the upcoming Christmas Hmm). I mentioned we were thinking of not doing the whole santa-claus thing and telling him the truth. Mil said how awful I was, and I will be ruining Christmas for my dc and that I'm a very selfish women.

AIBU to think that's a over reaction and it won't ruin Christmas. Any of you not do the whole santa-claus thing for Christmas?

OP posts:
JingsMahBucket · 23/09/2019 11:10

@CaterpillarInTheGarden YANBU. Lots of cultures don’t believe in Santa Claus or don’t teach their children about him. It’s no big deal really. I never heard about Santa until I was 6. Christmas until that point was about you know, the birth of Christ? It was still “magical” 🙄 because it revolved family, giving gifts from the heart and celebrating what you have. Funny, that.

(I’m an atheist BTW.)

Shahlalala · 23/09/2019 11:11

Just to add I think the ‘Santa is always watching’ played a big part in my telling DD the truth as someone frightened her with this. I think it’s awful telling them they are always being watched, it would creep you out as an adult!

virginpinkmartini · 23/09/2019 11:11

If people were that traumatised by the 'lie' of Santa, then most people wouldn't be passing it down to their kids. And lol at people acting like their mental health has taken a battering because their folks told them Santa was real. This is why people think that MH issues are turning into a trendy badge of honour... Because people will appropriate it for any old shite.

MyCatsHat · 23/09/2019 11:12

You are the fun police aren't you. I feel sorry for your child.

You don't have to use it as threats if he's been naughty but I'm sure all us parents have done at some point

See this is the irony and hypocrisy that really pisses me off. People will sneer and belittle you if you don't want to lie - "fun police" and "fun sponge". Yet the same people are happy to use Santa to scare and upset their kids into behaving! Hmmm.... such "fun" Hmm

I once saw a small boy maybe 3, at a supermarket checkout, crying his eyes out and begging with his mum who was shouting "Santa will NOT be coming! I'm telling him NOT to come!" :( Now I totally understand being exasperated and ratty with your misbehaving kids at the checkout, totally been there - but that's using the supposed "fun" thing to make your child really miserable!

Fun police my arse.

Whatisthisfuckery · 23/09/2019 11:13

I’m not one for telling kids untruths but I really can’t see the harm in Father Christmas. I remember how excited I was when I was little, and then how lovely it was when mine was little. The magic gets sucked out soon enough when they start demanding things anyway so why not have Father Christmas?

And, Father Christmas gives you a higher authority to threaten them with when they play up. Come on, we’ve all done it. That gets much harder when they know it’s you buying the presents.

Pukkatea · 23/09/2019 11:15

Going to go against the grain here and say I've never understood what is meant to be 'magical' about Santa. I never cared about or even really believed in him and my parents didn't push it. Always loved Christmas even without the 'magic' of some strange man being involved. Why is spending time with your family and getting gifts and food not awesome enough without some odd fairy tale that doesn't make any sense?

LorelaiRoryEmily · 23/09/2019 11:16

I'm with your MIL. Poor kids. Let them have the magic while they're small.

Bobbindobbin · 23/09/2019 11:16

I didn’t make a deal of Santa with my twins. We put sticking out and left mince pies etc but didn’t go over the top. They had worked it out by the age of 6/7 anyway. I had to tell them not to say anything at school. Christmas was and still is magical.

NataliaOsipova · 23/09/2019 11:17

I really think that logical questioning should be respected and encouraged. Not slapped down by telling them they have to believe, and making them confused about their own ability to reason. Of course not all parents do that but I have seen it plenty of times.

Completely agree. (Which is one of the reasons why I think that, so often, it’s done for the benefit of the adults. Otherwise why not encourage your child to question rather than threaten them with “no presents” or whatever?)

bluegirlgreen · 23/09/2019 11:18

@Boobiliboobiliboo

Are you OK? You sound angry.

combatbarbie · 23/09/2019 11:18

Whatever @MyCatsHat my parents done it to me, i have admittedly done it my children...... Its part of childhood....

Fuck me we really are a generation of misters....

Tilltheendoftheline · 23/09/2019 11:22

Well - to me, “upset” implies I was deeply shaken to the core/cried/felt it profoundly affected me in some way. I said I was “pissed off”, which felt more like “Oh fuck off for having had a laugh at me over that one for all these years”. Semantics, I suppose. But I firmly believe that a lot of parents do it for their own benefit rather than for the benefit of the children.....

I think parents don't for their own benefit and that of their children.

You didnt have children at all for their benefit. It's entirely because the person wants a child. So on your basis, bo one should be having child.

Feeling humiliated is a completely over reaction.

And no parent has ever dont the santa thing to get one over on their child.

Either you have aime messes up thinking or your parents were messed up and thata how they treated you in general.

No one parent has ever said 'yeah I tell the loss about santa so we can have a good laugh at how stupid they are'.

LolaDabestest · 23/09/2019 11:22

They don't belive for long enough anymore as it is...why do you want to suck away the magic? Is it so you get all the credit for his stash? And like someone else said about his friends he will be the odd one out and maybe ruin it for them.

NataliaOsipova · 23/09/2019 11:23

And lol at people acting like their mental health has taken a battering because their folks told them Santa was real.

Now that’s a real step too far. Mental health taken a battering, my arse! I said that, on reflection, it pissed me off. Like being the butt of a practical joke that’s hilarious for everyone else but makes you feel a bit silly. That said, when my DH was of the general MN persuasion on the issue, I held my nose and went along with it for an easy life. It’s a fun story. But I wouldn’t go to the extreme lengths I’ve seen on here to “keep the secret” and it wouldn’t bother me in the slightest if someone at school told them it wasn’t true (because it isn’t!).

Bobbindobbin · 23/09/2019 11:24

I’m now thinking that maybe I should have invested in Santa more as my two never got up early on Xmas morning! I’d have to bash about around 8.30am to wake them up! I’d hear about other children waking up early and my two never did that. We always have a great day though.

buckeejit · 23/09/2019 11:24

I was going to do this with my dc but so glad I didn't. They love the magic and mystery.

If you do go with Santa, make a big thing of it being someone else who persuaded you - not mil!

spanglydangly · 23/09/2019 11:25

If I’m honest, my own MIL’s interference would likely tip me into doing the opposite of what she suggested this is a problem too, changing my mind on santa-claus will mean mil is likely to interfere more. I'm already at the end of my tether with her interfering and how she treats dh!

Don't deprive your child to spite your MIL, if MIL makes a suggestion that is good, reasonable and sensible why oppose it for the sake of it?

Just shows that your attitude to MIL is wrong, you're being bloody minded for spite.

If your DH can't stand up to her even as an adult thats his issue, you're not his keeper.

NataliaOsipova · 23/09/2019 11:25

You didnt have children at all for their benefit. It's entirely because the person wants a child. So on your basis, bo one should be having child.

This is totally illogical....

nonmerci · 23/09/2019 11:26

Agreed with your MIL. Santa is a part of the magic of Christmas. Also worth noting you don’t want your child to be the one who ruins Christmas for everyone else at school....

Tilltheendoftheline · 23/09/2019 11:28

I once saw a small boy maybe 3, at a supermarket checkout, crying his eyes out and begging with his mum who was shouting "Santa will NOT be coming! I'm telling him NOT to come!"

Well if one mum did that, we must all be like that!!! Obviously Hmm

spanglydangly · 23/09/2019 11:28

Yes. Finding out my parents had lied to me - a very logical child - was deeply upsetting and affected my trust in them. Being forced to lie about it for younger siblings went against what I believed in and felt like another betrayal. It lasted several years and further damaged my relationship with my parents. I’ve spent £££s on counselling to try and rebuild the relationship.

My husband felt the same.

So, whilst it may be rare, it happens.* 🖕🏻

Hmmand these two people happened to meet and have a relationship..... ye gods!!

Tilltheendoftheline · 23/09/2019 11:29

This is totally illogical....

How is it? You complain that parents do it for their benefit. You have children for you own benefit. You are acting like parents cant do anything that's fun that, isnt entirely for the childs benefit.

How fun is life if you apply that across the board to everything?

Cherrybomb124 · 23/09/2019 11:30

I think everyone's version of how they do 'Santa' varies so widely. You should find your own version that you feel comfortable with that is not dictated to your family by MIL. I think 22 months is too young for them to grasp the idea properly, so maybe worry about it next year?

I have a 5 and 3 year old and we don't buy into to the Santa myth. Of course they hear about it from school ect but I just don't make a fuss about it or do any of the traditions at home. I have allowed them to visit Grottos with Grandparents in the past just to keep the peace and then when they have asked me 'where are Santa's gifts?' I say 'its that one you got at the Grotto, all the others are from your family/friends.' I know everyone is different but I'm just not happy peddling a lie and hate the idea of them thinking presents magically appear instead of appreciating all the thought, effort and hard work that goes into what they receive. It doesn't make Christmas less magical at all! Time together with everyone enjoying themselves is the best bit of Christmas surely? Good luck with whatever you decide.

Marcasite · 23/09/2019 11:30

My DH had a policy of being honest with our children when they were younger. He told them that their friends probably all believed in Father Christmas, so they mustn't 'give the game away' and upset their friends before their friends realised the truth. I don't believe our children were traumatised by the revelation, but it will be fascinating to see if they do the same with their children

SunniDay · 23/09/2019 11:32

Will you be telling your child the truth from the outset about sex, drug and alcohol addiction, depression, suicide, war and famine or is it only the nice side of life where you must be truthful?

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