To hate my single life?

[namedownforit]

Would desperately like to meet someone and can't. Just a moan, I'm so very unhappy.

Learn to be happy on your own. Why do you need someone else to make you happy?

Because it is lonely, boring, dull, cold and empty

Star I'm happy on my own. That does not take away the fact that I'd like someone to share my life with, ffs!

Same boat here. You've tried online I guess?

I have and got nowhere. I think I am too old now.

I think being single is lovely. You can do whatever you want. You don’t have to compromise. I was far far more lonely in a failing relationship.

Whatever I want? You mean apart from family days, nights in with my partner, really anything that actually makes life meaningful.

How long have you been single? I can't think of anything worse than having to share my house and life with anyone again and I'm happy being single but everyone is different.

All my life.

How old are you OP? Not that you can ever be too old to meet someone.
Could you go on First dates on channel 4? I think they seem quite good at matchmaking (if you wouldn't mind going on tv)

I'm 39 in November! I couldn't go on TV.

This is probably going to sound tactless and glib and I know it sounds much easier than it is... It took me a very long time to work this out.

But you HAVE to become comfortable with yourself as a single person before you can ever find happiness with someone else. If you're looking for another person to fill the gap it will never work.

a) because you will always come across as needy and lonely, deeply unappealing characteristics which will put people off wanting to be with you

b) more seriously, because you will struggle with proper boundaries and will tolerate things you shouldn't

It's not easy by any stretch of the imagination but you must do some work to get to a place where you are happy being single or you will never find proper happiness with anyone else.

Key to it is to keep in mind all the time that the number one reason you feel that being single is undesirable is because society is shouting it at you. Economics and many years of patriarchy make women feel that things are better with a man and they are really really not. You may not accept this now but if you keep repeating it to yourself it will go in.

Get some counselling or therapy. Go on a retreat. Learn to spend time with yourself and to like yourself.

Being happy single is the key to life. Only once you've accepted that will you ever find happiness with anyone else.

No, the number one reason is because I’m heartwrenchingly lonely.

To be honest OP, if you hate being single it is because you don't really like/love yourself or are uncomfortable in your own skin.

My advice would be to work on this before trying to involve yourself in a relationship.

I am single and absolutely love it - like PP I cannot think of anything worse than having to share my home/bed/sofa/life and make annoying compromises. I have lots of friends to socialise with/holiday with etc.

Whatever it is you think you will get from a romantic relationship you might be able to get from yourself/friends/family?

No it really isn’t.

It is because it is lonely.

I read. I watch films. I travel.

I’d enjoy all these things so much more with somebody to enjoy them with.

Friends have their own families. I don’t have a family apart from one sibling who has their own family.

Have you tried a personal introductions service? I think they look great for the 99% of us that don't like OLD.

Ok - so it sounds like you have shit friends.

Most of my friends are in relationships/married but they still socialise with me, come on holiday with me. I don't have time to get lonely!!

Can you think of ways you could widen your circle of friends OP?

Of course you're not too old to meet someone!

I think if you feel this way and are very keen to meet someone you need to prioritise making it happen. That means online dating, joining clubs, accepting invitations, agreeing to being set up by friends, going on singles holidays etc etc. It can be gruelling and dispiriting and not what you feel like doing on a Friday night, but your odds of meeting that special person are so much better when you're actually out there meeting people.

I get it OP. Unrelenting loneliness and wanting to love and be loved.

And Sunday nights are the worst.

I love being single! I have so many hobbies, gardening being one which takes up majority of my time in the summer and winter I experiment with hydroponics indoors.

Are there any other hobbies you would consider trying? Also there are hobbies where you can meet people too. At the allotments we have a community, bbqs etc. Garden centres are social hubs. Perhaps there's another type where you'd meet people and enjoy your time? Volunteer work?

I enjoy being alone to be honest.

This will probably sound so rude, and I don’t mean it to, but I’m not looking for things to do. It’s an emotional loneliness, not boredom I’m trying to describe.

I don't see how not enjoying being single means OP is somehow insecure and deluded. Most people would prefer to spend plenty of time with a nice partner. I'm naturally very solitary, but so is DH, we've both lived alone before, and very happy we were too, but of course it's nicer living together, why wouldn't it be? I imagine if he was a bastard and I divorced him, I'd thank my lucky stars I could stay alone forever, but it sounds as though OP would like to at least experience the alternative to living alone.

I didn’t mind it for years but as my thirties have slowly ticked by it’s just got worse.

So would you call it emotional intimacy that you are missing?