To hate my single life?

[namedownforit]

Would desperately like to meet someone and can't. Just a moan, I'm so very unhappy.

Yes, I have thanks - I’m not fussy. I’m just not really able to find anybody.

OP in the nicest possible way I think you're missing the point (as are other posters). No one is suggesting you go out and find more things to do because they think you're bored.

It's just that being in the position of desperately wanting to be in a relationship is the weakest possible hand you can play, for reasons I and others have outlined higher up. By definition, if you desperately want a relationship, you will never have one. To be horribly blunt, and apologies, but the message isn't getting through, no-one wants someone who desperately wants to be in a relationship.

This is why you need to rewire your brain, and only counselling and a lot of real work will do this.

You sound defeatist. I don't mean this unkindly, but your approach is the main part of your problem, unless there's something you're not telling us.

I don’t think that’s true people

I have spent years not wanting a relationship. Not not wanting one, but not being bothered. I didn’t get one, now I do, and I still don’t get one.

So what has happened with the online dating to stop things progressing?

Just no real interest

From you or from them or mutual?

You are not too old.

I have 2 friends who met their partners whilst in their mid 40s. Both sets of friends are now engaged and will be 50 when they get married.

They had many many relationships that didn't work out along the way, but they kept persevering and eventually met someone they clicked with.

You just got to keep on getting out there and meeting people and be open minded about who could be right for you and try not to have a fixed idea in your head of what you want apart from the fundamentals such as kindness honesty and heart in the right place etc.

I personally met a lot of people due to doing more social hobbies, I didn't mean to tell you to get a hobby it was more that doing things like volunteering at a store you get to meet a lot of people, which can lead to new friendships or more. Otherwise like people say the way forward would be dating site profile and see what happens there.

You're not going to meet anyone on mumsnet posting, you really have to put yourself out there either dating site or doing something where you meet a steady stream of people and try make a good impression

Sorry that you're feeling lonely.

These threads ALWAYS go the same way.

OP rejects every single good suggestion.

namedownforit you do have my sympathy. I’m much older than you but like you I hate being on my own. The loneliness is awful. I coped better when I was working but now I’m retired I can spend a whole weekend where I don’t speak to a soul.
I hate people telling me “ You are so lucky, you can do whatever you want whenever you want” Really? Technically, that is true, but people forget that running a house takes twice as long when there is only you to do it!! And if being single is so attractive, how come these people still stay with their partners/ husbands? Because they know that most of them will be going out with their respective partners/husbands, and you certainly won’t be included in their plans.
Yes, it is easy to make arrangements with friends to have coffee, lunch or whatever but the companionship is fleeting, it’s so much nicer to have someone to do nothing with.
Sorry, OP, I haven’t given you any helpful advice but I really do understand how you feel.
I truly hope that you find someone to find happiness with. 💐

bez I’m not ‘rejecting every good suggestion’

I do apologise that I have tried and failed.

Some problems are not able to be fixed.

39 is not too old to find a partner.

But also, I promise, you do not have to be 'heartwrenchingly lonely' as a single person. What you need is friends (married, single, with kids and without) who include you in their lives. Not meeting up for coffee or a drink, or to go out, but in their every day lives at home, in the mess. Not everyone wants those kinds of friends, but they are out there and they are life-transforming. Keep looking for them.

Yes nann and a lot of the things I would like to do I can’t do alone!

I completely understand the feeling of being emotionally lonely and that is a very difficult problem to solve. But never give up.

I get it OP. I don't want a relationship due to society expectations. I want one because I have a deep emotional need for it. I feel it as a weight in my chest. Most of the time I'm ok, but I want someone to come home to.

I have had relationships in the past, so I know the reality, it isn't always great, but I still want it. I'm 10 years older than you and it isn't easy.

But you HAVE to become comfortable with yourself as a single person before you can ever find happiness with someone else

Comments like this are patronising bullshit.

I totally get what you’re saying OP. I hope your luck turns and you meet someone

I hear you and am right there with you!

Everyone is being truly lovely and helpful with their suggestions and of course being comfortable with yourself is important regardless of relationship status, but the bottom line is that being on your own and lonely sucks and that all the activities and positive attitudes in the world don't change that.

Sometimes it is important just to be able to say that life feels hard and lonely and to feel listened to, even if that doesn't change anything materially.

So here is a hand hold sent in solidarity OP, I hope it helps a bit.

OP you do sound quite negative.
You're never too old to meet someone.
But saying it's not going to happen all the time & rejecting any suggestions anyone comes up with makes you seem very "glass half empty" and a bit depressed.
How exactly do you want people to respond to your op?

Sorry if that sounded harsh I didn't read it through before posting.
It's just hard to know why you've posted on here when you seem steadfastly determined to reject any helpfully meant suggestions.

Because I want children and I don’t see that happening.

Would you contemplate having a child on your own?

Sometimes it can be as simple (or as hard) as where you live. 2 of my friends could not, for the life of them, meet anyone for their entire lives (up to mid 30s). They moved abroad and met guys much more easily. Both are married now. Obviously that's a scary thought, but if you've no ties here, it could be worth travelling for a bit? Travelling in itself is a great way to meet people

I am feeling so sad for you reading your post. Have you thought about having a child on your own? Or adopting? Kids can bring so much joy. Hard work but joy.
OP I get it. I was 33 when I met DH online and was desperate for kids. 39 may seem too old and pointless but you are actually young. Keep trying, treat online dating as something you just happen to do while
Going about your Normal life. I get you, I do

I would smiled but to be honest, it isn’t really what I want.