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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Sitting in the kitchen with baby and toddler at 6am...

147 replies

OggOgg · 22/09/2019 06:33

We have 4 DC. Our youngest is 1 and wakes up a few times a night. Our just turned 3 year old wakes up very early in the morning. Usually I get up in the night and up early as DH works and does school runs. I had my lie in yesterday.

MIL is staying for the weekend and is sleeping in the sitting room.

I was up 5 times in the night and have been awake since 5. I then had to come down to the kitchen to sit with energetic toddler and baby until MIL wakes up. Sitting here now fuming as everyone sleeps. It’s usually only bearable as they can play or watch TV in the sitting room until everyone wakes up.

Had furious row with Dh just before 6am as he accused me of whinging about the situation.

Aibu?

OP posts:
FlannelandPuce · 22/09/2019 12:16

Poor op sleep deprivation is horrendous. My soon to be 1 year old doesn't sleep well at night and I am the one who gets up with him as I breastfeed. I can be awake hours on end. Plus the sleep I get isn't good quality as I am listening out for him too

FlannelandPuce · 22/09/2019 12:30

The only way I can cope is my DH gets up with kids (we have 3) between 5/6 and I can get a couple of hours before he goes to work. He tends to get up with them both weekends as I can be just getting to bed at 5. If you do nights and mornings that's not fair. They are both your children and dh needs to help out so you can rest. Perhaps take advantage of you mil visit and get them to look after Kids so you can rest. Hope everything goes ok

WellButterMyArse · 22/09/2019 12:31

Taking one lie in at the weekend is exceptionally selfish when your partner is dealing with multiple night wakings every single night and is up very early 6 of 7 mornings a week. Actually, he would still be getting off pretty lightly if OP had both lie ins at weekend, given that there may be plenty of scope for a more equal distribution of night time labour during the week.

The 1 year old probably isn't waking up several times a night for breastmilk, so it's very likely that OP doesn't have to be the one getting up every time. And even if that's the reason, most working adults do not have jobs that render them dangerous or incompetent if they get woken up at night now and then. He could do, but he's evidently not a surgeon or air traffic controller given the working hours pattern. He might drive for a living and have the same start time every day I suppose, but the odds are against him genuinely not being able to do a single wake up or early start during the week. And even if that's the case, OP should get both lie ins.

HerkyBaby · 22/09/2019 12:37

If there is no where for your MIL to sleep why isn’t she staying in a B&B ? You are not being unreasonable.

Ragwort · 22/09/2019 15:14

I honestly think if your DH’s mother is staying he should be getting up early, regardless of whether it’s his ‘turn’ to have a lie in. When my DPs stay I always make sure I am the one who is up to ‘look after them’ in the mornings, it wouldn’t be fair on my DH to have to entertain my parents.

intermittentfasting · 22/09/2019 15:54

@Ragwort mil was sleeping, she didn't require any entertaining

INeedAFlerken · 22/09/2019 17:50

If you're not actually breastfeeding, OP, I would demand your DH take an upcoming 3-5 days off. Go visit your parents/friend for that week and tell him he's up: night shifts with toddler, feedings, early rising, and then on child duty all day. Oh and all the chores will still need to be done and the children fed.

Tell him when he's lived it, then you'll talk about a redistribution of responsibilities for children and home.

ColdTattyWaitingForSummer · 23/09/2019 17:57

A few years ago I asked a favour of a friend to sleep on her sofa while visiting my old area. She had two small children and (despite not being a morning person) I gladly got up and watched cartoons with them so their mum and dad could get some sleep. So in your mil’s shoes I would not have expected anyone to tiptoe around me.

JinglingHellsBells · 23/09/2019 18:22

Medievalist I do beg your pardon. Someone said should the OP and her DH sleep on a sofa. So you are right- my response should have been YES but if it's a proper double sofa BED not a sofa. My reluctance to sleep on a sofa is nothing to do with my age. I have not slept on a sofa since I was 26 which is almost 40 years ago and I hated it then. You know nothing about me and if you did you would know I am not your typical 60-odd year old. But I can't and won't sleep on a makeshift bed unless it was an emergency. I have no idea how old the OPs MIL is- she could be in her 40s for all we know. If she's happy on a sofa, good for her, but I'd be looking for a hotel ideally with a 5 ft bed and an en suite. Grin

JinglingHellsBells · 23/09/2019 18:22

@Medievalist Above post for you Smile

3timeslucky · 23/09/2019 18:35

If you're doing the night wakings your dh should be the one getting up early. You must be absolutely shattered. Lots of people go to work having got up at 5 or 6am (having adjusted their bed-time accordingly).

With that norm in place he could have had some quality time with his mum and two youngest kids while you got to sleep in.

Flowers
Nonnymum · 23/09/2019 19:11

Can you send them into the room to wake her up? When I've stayed with my DGC I always tell them to come into me in the morning to give their parents a break. I just rest when I get home again!

Disfordarkchocolate · 23/09/2019 19:14

I've never heard of parents taking turns to have a lie-in at the weekend until I joined Mumsnet. I got the lie-ins because I had the little cherub all bloody day. Poor husband got the early start and hours of watching The Hoobs.

Celebelly · 23/09/2019 19:28

I do the night wakings with my DD but my DP takes her at 6am every morning till he starts work (he can work flexi-time so if it's been a bad night then he will delay until 10 if possible) and at weekends he takes her at 6 until whenever I get up. If he asked for a lie in he'd get a raised eyebrow as he gets 6+ solid hours of sleep every night (although DD has started only waking once at 5am, but he's still been taking her at 6 or 7am, teehee) and could get more if he didn't choose to stay up late watching TV.

Nettie1964 · 23/09/2019 19:31

Why angry at your mil? Don't have her staying if you don't like her. Or ask her for help or put her in another room YRBU. Sorry but why such a fuss!!!!

FelicisNox · 23/09/2019 19:35

Take the kids back up stairs, it's his mother taking up the living room so he can be awake too.

Why is she not in a B&B?

3timeslucky · 23/09/2019 19:57

Why angry at your mil?

Presumably because she raised the guy who thinks it is ok for his wife to get up 5 times during the night and then at 5am! Grin

glennamy · 23/09/2019 19:57

Wow - Toddlers/young children wake up early and it is horrible because of MIL staying over... Stop the presses! You had a bad night, it happens! Your & DH choice to have 4 DC - Suck it up!

manicmij · 23/09/2019 21:22

Why are you fuming and at whom? Your children for being yours, your DH for fathering the children or your MIL for sleeping in sitting room. Sling her out so kids can get to tv. Ever heard of 'you make your bed, you lie on it". Sorry can't see the problem

Jack80 · 24/09/2019 07:04

I would have spoken to other half or maybe mentioned to mil that you may be getting women up as I come downstairs if the baby and toddler can't sleep.

winniestone37 · 24/09/2019 09:35

Why are you angry?

Hydrogenbeatsoxygen · 24/09/2019 14:28

I’d be bloody furious, just from lack of sleep. Don’t you guys RTFT?

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