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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Sitting in the kitchen with baby and toddler at 6am...

147 replies

OggOgg · 22/09/2019 06:33

We have 4 DC. Our youngest is 1 and wakes up a few times a night. Our just turned 3 year old wakes up very early in the morning. Usually I get up in the night and up early as DH works and does school runs. I had my lie in yesterday.

MIL is staying for the weekend and is sleeping in the sitting room.

I was up 5 times in the night and have been awake since 5. I then had to come down to the kitchen to sit with energetic toddler and baby until MIL wakes up. Sitting here now fuming as everyone sleeps. It’s usually only bearable as they can play or watch TV in the sitting room until everyone wakes up.

Had furious row with Dh just before 6am as he accused me of whinging about the situation.

Aibu?

OP posts:
crimsonlake · 22/09/2019 09:33

Personally, I would take them out for a walk .

NearlyGranny · 22/09/2019 09:35

If there are small children awake in the house, nobody should feel obliged to attempt to keep them silent just to protect others' sleep!

Being awake early comes with babies and toddlers as part of the package. It's family life. If you want uninterrupted sleep you don't have children and you don't come to stay in a house where they live. The older ones did their share of waking everyone early and they'll be fine if their bedroom doors are shut.

There are unreasonable expectations here that need adressing, and it's a case of whose and why and hammering out better ones, I think.

MiL might be better in a B&B nearby, or the older ones could have fun bunking in together for a night or two freeing a room for their Granny. A trundle bed worked well for us for this purpose.

Do make sure you slide quietly off at some point today for a nap.

NoSauce · 22/09/2019 09:35

I would not be keeping quiet or out of the living room, if you stay at peoples houses who have earlier rises you have to suck it up and get up

How very rude you are. I can’t imagine you have many guests staying over for some reason.

KUGA · 22/09/2019 09:44

Totally agree with December2019.
MIL should have a little respect for you too.

INeedAFlerken · 22/09/2019 09:48

Sleep deprivation is a killer. It really, really is.

Stand firm on Christmas: no more guests.

And no more hiding in the kitchen in your own home trying to keep babies/toddlers quiet while you are on your knees from exhaustion while everyone else sleeps.

And your DH should be doing a bit more, even if he's working. 4 children are his responsibility, too, at the weekends. And you're hosting his mother as well? Yikes. He isn't getting up in the middle of the nights ... he should have the weekend mornings, end of. He's getting enough sleep to work.

Squirrelblanket · 22/09/2019 09:48

My sister has two boys (1 and 4) and when I stay at hers I sleep in the living room. I always get up as soon as I hear her get up and go into the playroom with them as I don't think it's fair for me to lie in while she has both of them to entertain early in the morning (particularly as it's likely she's been drinking wine with me the evening before Grin). I think it's just polite.

Although since my older nephew figured out that he could wake me by banging on the living room door and bellowing my name, there's no chance I'd sleep in anyway, haha!

Thehop · 22/09/2019 09:51

I’d let them in the room with a cheery “morning grandma, your friendly morning alarms are here for a cuddle! I’ll pop the kettle on!”

NoSauce · 22/09/2019 09:51

MIL should have a little respect for you too

Why what has she done to suggest she hasn’t got respect for the OP?

intermittentfasting · 22/09/2019 09:54

You had a lie in yesterday.

Your MIL is only staying for the weekend.

Yabu.

Give the 3yo your phone or tablet to watch videos on. Put the 1yo in high chair with some toys.

Have a coffee

LemonAddict · 22/09/2019 09:56

If you're doing all night wakings every night, then you should get the sleep in on both weekend days.

Your DH is a selfish twat.

WellButterMyArse · 22/09/2019 10:04

It also sounds from the wording like OP is doing all the early starts during the week too, and DH none. That is an utterly brutal schedule and is also completely unfair. I'm astounded by the number of people who think splitting the lie ins at the weekend down the middle is somehow equitable here.

NoSauce · 22/09/2019 10:04

He goes to work and does the school run and the OP has one lie in at the weekend.

I wouldn’t call that selfish Hmm

ChilledBee · 22/09/2019 10:07

Why not bring the kids in your room (you know where both their parents sleep) so you can both doze and supervise them together, as a team.

ChilledBee · 22/09/2019 10:09

Maybe it is me but I don't understand why working means you can't do anything at night with your kids. I know when our 2 3 year olds were little and I went back to work after parental leave, I still had to get up with them in the night. As did hubby. I'm off with our 1 year old but hubby still gets up about a third of the time.

JinglingHellsBells · 22/09/2019 10:15

@Medievalist The last time I slept on a sofa bed was at a friend's house when I was about 26 and I didn't sleep a wink then. I am thrilled you can sleep on a sofa bed with a bad back. Great! But it's not for me.

I didn't actually suggest 2 people slept on the sofa. You have jumped to that conclusion.
Maybe one parent could share a child's room ( we have always had a portable spare bed to use in a bedroom or you can buy stacking single beds where one slots under the other and is pulled out as needed.)

And- finally- if you have no space and want someone to sleep on the sofa, you buy a sofa bed which has a proper mattress and is fit for purpose.

Or your guests find a nice local pub with rooms, a travel lodge, and AirbnB or a Premier Inn. You can get rooms from as little as £30 .

LemonAddict · 22/09/2019 10:18

He goes to work and does the school run

Yes quite, whereas being up all night, getting up at 5am, then looking after a 3 year old and a 1 year old all day is a breeze Hmm

EmAreSea · 22/09/2019 10:19

Your MIL had the audacity to not be in bed by 9:30pm on a Saturday night/awake by 6:30am on a Sunday morning?

Jeez, what a bitch.

BlueJava · 22/09/2019 10:22

YABU - send the toddler into MIL, go back to bed! That's what I did on a few occasions :)

BarbariansMum · 22/09/2019 10:23

MiL on the sofa and needing to get up at 7am in a household with small children is fine. MiL on the sofa and getting cross that she's not up at 6am is not fine - though tbf, the OP mostly sounds exhausted and angry at the world (I remember those days).

Suggest you think very carefully about who sleeps where in future. Could she sleep in with the older children?

NoSauce · 22/09/2019 10:28

Yes quite, whereas being up all night, getting up at 5am, then looking after a 3 year old and a 1 year old all day is a breeze hmm

Yes that would be bad if it were true.

Decadoma · 22/09/2019 10:30

I think it's easy to be more annoyed when you're knackered. Does she stay often? If so just talk about what you can do to mitigate feeling like this in the future. He did offer to get up but then there'd be even more folk in the kitchen! It's not nice to feel trapped in and usual routine changed. but if it's a one off then try to get a bit of time to yourself later - tell your dh you're tired and ask if he and mil could do something with the kids.

Treesinaforest · 22/09/2019 10:37

Sympathy from me op, I could have written your post not too long ago, only it was us sleeping on camp beds in mil's house, trying to be quiet when our youngest woke at 5.30.

The resentment is overwhelming, and my husband an i had many rows about it. I like my mil a lot but it was just so hard!

It gets easier when they're older. But my advice for now is, consider what options are available to make things a bit more comfortable, when you're feeling a bit calmer. And discuss them with your husband when you've made up.

TSSDNCOP · 22/09/2019 10:38

This is not MIL's fault. It's bad planning. The older children could've slept on the sofa with MIL in their room with an iPad to stream TV.

Hope that your day picks up though OP.

GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 22/09/2019 10:46

If you have early waking dcs then IMO it's just not on to have a guest sleeping in the sitting room - not unless they're happy to be up at sparrow-fart too.
Next time book her in at the nearest Premier Inn.

When early-waking little Gdcs stay here I don't know what I'd do without toys and CBeebies in the sitting room.

I have now and then slept on a sofa at dd's but then I fully expect to have little Gdcs' ' company very early on - it's part of the deal.

Medievalist · 22/09/2019 11:57

Jingling - I didn't actually suggest 2 people slept on the sofa. You have jumped to that conclusion.

Erm - when I said, "So you think op and dh should sleep on the sofa and give mil their bed?" Your response was, "Depending on her preferences, yes"

I don't think I jumped to any conclusions. My point is that you shouldn't assume all 60+ year olds are incapable of spending a night on a sofa, or would find it an issue. Some of us 60+ year olds don't particularly want allowances to be made for our "age" thank you!

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