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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Sitting in the kitchen with baby and toddler at 6am...

147 replies

OggOgg · 22/09/2019 06:33

We have 4 DC. Our youngest is 1 and wakes up a few times a night. Our just turned 3 year old wakes up very early in the morning. Usually I get up in the night and up early as DH works and does school runs. I had my lie in yesterday.

MIL is staying for the weekend and is sleeping in the sitting room.

I was up 5 times in the night and have been awake since 5. I then had to come down to the kitchen to sit with energetic toddler and baby until MIL wakes up. Sitting here now fuming as everyone sleeps. It’s usually only bearable as they can play or watch TV in the sitting room until everyone wakes up.

Had furious row with Dh just before 6am as he accused me of whinging about the situation.

Aibu?

OP posts:
Hydrogenbeatsoxygen · 22/09/2019 07:20

You poor thing 💐

Sleep deprivation is awful, I absolutely feel for you. My three were all poor sleepers, fully BF, so most of it was left to me. It does get better but I think you should send MIL home and not let her stay again until things improve.

This afternoon, go back to bed whilst DH takes the children out to give you a break.

Beautiful3 · 22/09/2019 07:21

Agree, dont have any more overnight guests. You need to be able to use the living room.

Original poster
OggOgg · 22/09/2019 07:22

Well MIL and older DC are up now and I feel like a twat Blush ..... in my defence I have a stinking cold too

OP posts:
DorotheaHomeAlone · 22/09/2019 07:22

I disagree with the harsh comments you’re getting here. Yes, this could have been better planned- I would have let mil know that she was welcome to stay but warned her we’d be in the sitting room from 7. But if you’re up ( times a night then lie ins should be yours. That is only fair in my book. Sleep deprivation is hideous.

Original poster
OggOgg · 22/09/2019 07:23

And no I don’t blame MIL really, just exhausted. And no more guests in sitting room, I’ll take this a a trial run for Christmas.

OP posts:
Skyejuly · 22/09/2019 07:23

I have 4 with 2 younger ones. If the big ones get woken they just have to go to bed early. I wouldnt be tiptoeing at 7am x

Whoopstheregomyinsides · 22/09/2019 07:24

MIL must expect to be up early in s house of babies and toddlers. Don't feel bad. You don't get a lie in with babies around as a house guest really. I'm sure she doesn't mind

SAA1519 · 22/09/2019 07:24

I feel your pain. I know what's it's like when DH says they'll do something, which they clearly font want to and will hold against you for the rest of the day or maybe week! Sometimes I feel that bringing up children is a breeze to them and we should be grateful for sitting around all day, and how can we be tired? All we do is look after the kids.....and endless washing and ironing...shopping...cooking, cleaning, nappies, baths, feeding, night waking, bed making....the list goes on. Perhaps next time, ask your MIL for some help, tell her your tired and how many times you get up in the night, perhaps shell offer a hand? No doubt eight now your tiredness is making everything seem 10 times worse! Hope you get a relax today 💐

BertieBotts · 22/09/2019 07:29

You should tag team. If one person is getting up in the night the other gets up in the morning. If one person needs to get up in the morning the other does the night wakings. This is more important than lie ins when LO wakes at night. If you are taking turns at night or they are sleeping through, it makes sense to take turns on lie ins. Until that point it's whoever needs it more.

Why is he so resentful about doing the night time parenting? Is it because he believes they should be sleeping through or because he believes it should be your job?

Billballbaggins · 22/09/2019 07:33

I understand OP, one of mine was a bad sleeper and honestly I still shudder now thinking back to those times I got up multiple times per night. It is bloody soul destroying. Honestly torture.
Overnight guests in the living room is a bad idea, but surely they realise that in a house with several small children they won’t be getting a lie in. If they don’t like getting up early they can stay in a hotel or air bnb or something. Anyway, I get it OP, I hope you manage to have a rest today

JinglingHellsBells · 22/09/2019 07:33

@OggOgg Why is your MIL staying with you? I am prob her age (or older)- in my early 60s. I can think of nothing worse than staying overnight in a house with 4 kids and having to 'sleep' on the sofa. I'd not sleep a wink. Does she have to stay over? is there not a lovely B&B or Premier Inn nearby she could use? I can't think it's much fun for her or any of you.

On the other hand, I think it's pretty shabby giving an older woman a sofa to sleep on but at the same time she's selfish if she watches TV and it disturbs you. Sounds as if your DH needs to talk to her and set some new rules around visiting.

I don't think you can complain about anything else- you had 4 kids ( not my cup of tea!) and sleepless nights are bound to continue for some time.

Medievalist · 22/09/2019 07:36

On the other hand, I think it's pretty shabby giving an older woman a sofa to sleep on

So you think op and dh should sleep on the sofa and give mil their bed? Confused

bumblingbovine49 · 22/09/2019 07:43

Anyone who came to stay when D's was an easy waker was told.in advance that he woke early so they would have to be prepared to be woken very early if sleeping.in the sitting room. Given that they had been warned I'd have gone in to the living room and apologised bus said the children were up and I needed to get on with my day.

I fail to see why you are rowing with your DH when it is something your MIL did ( stay up late) and you failed to do ( warm her about the unavoidable early start she would experience in your house if sleeping in the sitting room)

BertieBotts · 22/09/2019 07:44

It's one thing to be annoyed at the time you have to get up, it's unreasonable to hold it against the other parent for ages unless it is actually an unfair situation. In which case talk about it. If you can't talk about it something is badly wrong.

GrimalkinsCrone · 22/09/2019 07:44

I’m 60, regularly sleep in sofas and camp beds, floors and whatever when I’m visiting. If I couldn’t cope with that, I’d have B&B or a hotel. I certainly wouldn’t want to turf exhausted people out of their own beds.
I can’t believe you deprived MIL of the joy of an early morning with her grandchild. Next time, release them into her room and go and have a cuppa.
Is your DH usually a grumpy arse?

WonderTweek · 22/09/2019 07:49

I feel for you OP. If you haven't got the space you haven't got the space. I dread it when my mum comes to visit as it always means little sleep for me, but it's lovely to see her and my son has a great time with her so it's worth it. (Although there have been times when I have been utterly livid because of the lack of sleep!)

We only have one child but we live in a tiny two bed, so now that our son has his own room, my mum has to sleep in the lounge. It's not ideal as she will have to wake up when my son and I wake up, which is usually early as he's only little, but I tend to make her a second bed in my son's room, so if she still feels that she needs to rest (she has arthritis and all sorts of issues) she can shuffle into my son's room and we can reclaim the lounge and kitchen and no-one is annoyed. Apart from me at having to be the one always getting up but that's a different matter. Wink

Hope you have a good day OP!

JinglingHellsBells · 22/09/2019 07:51

So you think op and dh should sleep on the sofa and give mil their bed?

Depending on her preferences, yes.It's only polite to offer an older person your bed but I guess she knew what the score was when she arrived.

Or she ought to sleep at a nearby hotel or B&B.

I'd not sleep on a sofa at my age and there would have to be compelling reasons to sleep on a sofa rather than a nearby hotel.

There must be other options- surely one of the children's rooms could be vacated and the DC could 'camp' in the parent's room or double up with a younger child?

The house clearly isn't set up for visitors- OP needs an extra bed in the kids rooms or a proper sofa bed in living room if she has guests.

JayDot500 · 22/09/2019 07:56

Where's everyone fuming nowadays on MN?! Confused

This is hardly anything to be this heated about gheez

JayDot500 · 22/09/2019 07:58

Why's*

Medievalist · 22/09/2019 07:58

Jinglinghellsbells - how exactly would 2 adults fit on a sofa?!

You might feel age would prohibit you from sleeping on the sofa but I am also in my 60s and have no problems doing just that, even with a bad back.

Imnotbent · 22/09/2019 07:59

Was this a badly planned sleep over, because with children who wake early everything could be foreseen? Did she also stay the night before?

If it was a last minute thing then you should have taken your DH up on his offer to get up.

I wouldn’t even consider having guests stay over at Christmas if I had four kids and no spare room so at least something good has come out of this.

Medievalist · 22/09/2019 08:00

Jay - I think it's always like this on AIBU. Lots of people like to disagree with the op for the sake of it!

IWentAwayIStayedAway · 22/09/2019 08:00

Clothes on and away out with kids . Fresh air will do everyone good. It's just a phase. I'm chilling while my youngest puts on pain au choc in oven. Oldest on coffee duty and not sure what job I'll give middle child (wasnt like this 9 years ago. I'm still sleep deprived from that time.....)

HappyParent2000 · 22/09/2019 08:01

Are there any good DHs? MN seems to point a picture there isn’t...

StephenKingsHappyEnding · 22/09/2019 08:01

Is your dh working today? If not then I have no idea why he thinks it’s ok for you to do all night wakings and the early morning.
When mine were that age I would do nights (bf, was easiest) and dh would do all mornings. He would get one lie in at the weekend but I would then go back to bed after he got up.
Sympathies though OP, I do remember the despair of doing a feed at 4am with the baby and then the toddler being up for the day at 5am (and those were the days when CBeebies didn’t start until 6, and no on demand etc!)