Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Creepy or perfectly innocent?

76 replies

PerfectPlum9 · 20/09/2019 21:43

I had a bad experience a few months back & it still haunts me today, so I thought I'd put it to the MN jury & see what you think.

I wanted to have a full body massage at my local health club, something I've done several times before. On this occasion, none of the female masseurs were free, one was off sick & there was a male replacement brought in from another branch for the day. He was available. So in the spirit of being mature about this I agreed to have the man. I went into the treatment room as usual & he was piffling around with various bottles on a side unit. He asked me to undress & lay on the bed & put the towel over me - towel covers just boobs to fanny. So far so normal. Full body massage is normally done naked in this place with just the towel, I don't know how it is elsewhere. Anyway, he clearly kept his back to me studiously arranging his bottles whilst I undressed & I assumed he'd stay that way until I was under the towel, to protect my modesty. He would easily have been able to hear when I'd got onto the bed & laid down. And it would've been professional to not turn around but ask 'Are you ready?' before doing so. But just as I moved to approach the bed he whipped around to face me & caught a full eye-full of me butt naked. I felt horrible. I was absolutely sure he did this 'accidently on purpose'. He then said a kind of 'oops sorry' & turned away again whilst I got on the bed. It wasn't convincing at all & I was really left with the feeling he'd had a deliberate sneaky gawp under the guise of an innocent mistake. I will never ever have another male masseur again after this. I have to say, he did do the massage appropriately & absolutely nothing funny happened, though god knows what was going through his head. When the end came, he left the room for me to get dressed again on my own.

Aibu to be upset/disturbed at what happened?

OP posts:
cubed123 · 20/09/2019 21:49

Creepy, I though they always left the room to allow you to get out of your robe and get under the towel.
Did you report this?

Okurrrrrrrr · 20/09/2019 21:51

Ewwwww no YANBU. If he left the room for you to get dressed again when it was over why didn't he do that when you were getting undressed?? Weirdo. I've had a lot of massages and they've always left the room for me to undressed/on the bed etc and then gently knock to check I'm ready.
Flowers

Butttons · 20/09/2019 21:55

YANBU whenever I've had a full body massage the masseuse has left the room while I am undressing. This has been the case for several different salons. I would complain if I were you OP, especially since this happened a while ago but is still upsetting you

Original poster
PerfectPlum9 · 20/09/2019 21:55

I didn't report it because I go to this place a lot & I didn't want to make a name for myself with the regular staff. Besides, it's so easily explained away as an innocent mistake. I thought I wouldn't be believed.

OP posts:
thecatinthetwat · 20/09/2019 21:55

yanbu, even the female ones leave the room.

That's awful. Please complain.

Flowers
PumpkinPie2016 · 20/09/2019 21:56

I'd say that's creepy! He should have left the room while you got ready and then knocked before he re-entered.

Obviously a different scenario but I had a male physiotherapist when I had a serious back and back injury. I used to need to take my top/bra off and lay face down on the bed for him to work. He always left the room while I was getting ready and knocked before he came in. He was always very respectful and I never once felt uneasy - that's what a professional should do.

Original poster
PerfectPlum9 · 20/09/2019 21:57

I definitely think they should have a strict policy though of how their service is delivered. Him leaving the room at the beginning would've been more appropriate.

OP posts:
Original poster
PerfectPlum9 · 20/09/2019 21:58

I see the voting is half & half... Sad

OP posts:
KronksSpinachPuffs · 20/09/2019 22:00

Thats gross I regularly go for massages and you always get undressed down to your knickers and get on the bed with them out of the room and cover yourself with a towel, lying on your front with a huge towel covering you from shoulders to toes. They then knock before coming back in.

I've had massages at loads of different places and this has happened every single time.

Intheupsidedown · 20/09/2019 22:00

They have always left the room for me.

I had a Male who came to my house. He always went into the other room and would ask when I was ready. Same for when i needed to get up.

Its unprofessional and i would be raising it that it made you feel uncomfortable.

Also when I have had full body I have always kept my knickers on which they tuck the towel into...is that not normal?

Okurrrrrrrr · 20/09/2019 22:01

I saw that too OP and I'm surprised. None of the YABU voters have explained why they voted that way yet though.....
Your feelings are valid and I'm sorry he did this. What a creep.

TheMobileSiteMadeMeSignup · 20/09/2019 22:01

Any massage I've ever had involving me getting under a towel the masseuse has left the room then knocked a few minutes later to check I'm ready.

I would report that he didn't leave the room. Even at the doctors, nurses go the other side of a curtain while you undress.

Goingonagondola · 20/09/2019 22:02

The voting is a bit nuts - are people not understanding.

But OP I'm really surprised you got undressed with a strange man in the room!

Italiangreyhound · 20/09/2019 22:02

YANBU. I think it is was totally wrong of him not to leave you alone to get ready.

I wouldn't want a man giving me a massage (except DH).

I know you felt it may be mature to agree but IMHO it's not mature to agree to it or immature not to. If it's OK with you, then fine. If not, then it is fine to say no.

Please do complain, they need a clear policy and stick to it.

Thanks
Cakecrumbsinmybra · 20/09/2019 22:04

Nobody has said YABU?

YANBU. I would not have been comfortable with this. I also wouldn’t remove pants for any massage!

Firecarrier · 20/09/2019 22:05

In my experience of a grand total of three massages (each with a female) they left the room while I lay down.

LL83 · 20/09/2019 22:09

Never had a massage where they didnt leave the room will I undressed and knock when they came back a few mins later. Your spa should review policies.

If it was a genuine mistake there is no harm in reporting it to manager, if someone else has reported the same then it proves he was being creepy and shouldn't be in the job.

Treaclebee · 20/09/2019 22:09

Yanbu. I worked in a few different places as a MT and always leave the room for the client to undress and get under towels.
In all my professional training it was standard practice.
You would not be unreasonable to complain imo.

Jayaywhynot · 20/09/2019 22:10

Yeah, Iv had sports massages by a man and he leaves the room and told me to call out when I was ready.
Btw I had a mammogram and the female conducting it stood and watched me get undressed and dressed again, that was a bit weird Confused

Okurrrrrrrr · 20/09/2019 22:11

He's probably doing it quite frequently as well. Shudder

S021 · 20/09/2019 22:14

I have also had weird experiences with a consultant at a hospital and at an STI clinic

gavisconismyfriend · 20/09/2019 22:15

Unusual for the masseuse not to leave the room whilst you get undressed. I’ve been going to the same person for years for waxing, massage etc. She’s seen practically everything (Blush) over the years, but she still leaves the room when I’m changing.....

LtJudyHopps · 20/09/2019 22:16

Any massage I’ve ever had they always say strip down to your knickers and get under the sheet/towel etc then they knock and ask if they can come in. Both male and female! Then if you turn they hold the big towel/sheet up so they can’t see while you roll over.
I’d probably mention it to them as if you don’t say anything he could be doing the same to other women. Could be a chance for them to review process.

westcountrychicken · 20/09/2019 22:17

I've never been anywhere where they stay in the room, that's really odd

Apileofballyhoo · 20/09/2019 22:19

YA definitely NU.

Swipe left for the next trending thread