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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Creepy or perfectly innocent?

76 replies

PerfectPlum9 · 20/09/2019 21:43

I had a bad experience a few months back & it still haunts me today, so I thought I'd put it to the MN jury & see what you think.

I wanted to have a full body massage at my local health club, something I've done several times before. On this occasion, none of the female masseurs were free, one was off sick & there was a male replacement brought in from another branch for the day. He was available. So in the spirit of being mature about this I agreed to have the man. I went into the treatment room as usual & he was piffling around with various bottles on a side unit. He asked me to undress & lay on the bed & put the towel over me - towel covers just boobs to fanny. So far so normal. Full body massage is normally done naked in this place with just the towel, I don't know how it is elsewhere. Anyway, he clearly kept his back to me studiously arranging his bottles whilst I undressed & I assumed he'd stay that way until I was under the towel, to protect my modesty. He would easily have been able to hear when I'd got onto the bed & laid down. And it would've been professional to not turn around but ask 'Are you ready?' before doing so. But just as I moved to approach the bed he whipped around to face me & caught a full eye-full of me butt naked. I felt horrible. I was absolutely sure he did this 'accidently on purpose'. He then said a kind of 'oops sorry' & turned away again whilst I got on the bed. It wasn't convincing at all & I was really left with the feeling he'd had a deliberate sneaky gawp under the guise of an innocent mistake. I will never ever have another male masseur again after this. I have to say, he did do the massage appropriately & absolutely nothing funny happened, though god knows what was going through his head. When the end came, he left the room for me to get dressed again on my own.

Aibu to be upset/disturbed at what happened?

OP posts:
MissBehaves · 20/09/2019 22:21

YANBU - agree with everyone else - very unusual/basically unheard of (so far on here & I’ve never seen/heard of this in RL) that a masseuse would stay in the room while you undress and lay down Shock

Unprofessional at best.

Doyoumind · 20/09/2019 22:21

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QualCheckBot · 20/09/2019 22:21

YANBU. I've had plenty of massages from male masseurs (do a lot of sport) and they always are very very circumspect about this. They always go out of the room and knock and wait on an answer to come back in. Or the few occasions when they just turn their backs but make damned sure you're covered before you turn round. They are so careful about it, I'm sure that it is something that is covered in all training. So I think he did it deliberately.

I think you should let them know. If they get another complaint then hopefully the health club won't have him back.

Louloubelle78 · 20/09/2019 22:24

Therapist here. I NEVER massage anyone naked. They have pants on. I work in a garden cabin. I always turn away and wash my hands and yes I can hear them get on the bed, then I turn. Also I have never had a massage unless I am completely covered chin to toes. You just uncover the bit of the body you are working on.

MrGsFancyNewVagina · 20/09/2019 22:24

I saw that too OP and I'm surprised. None of the YABU voters have explained why they voted that way yet though.....

Unfortunately we have a few MRAs/TRAs infesting Mumsnet. You’ll find they will vote against any female that has been abused or taken advantage in any way, by a man.

I’ve never had a masseuse stay in the room, while I’ve been undressing. He’s a dirty fucking creep. The fact that he left the room to let you get dressed shows that he knows he shouldn’t have been in it while you were undressing.

Mildred007 · 20/09/2019 22:25

Same here as other pps. I've never had a massage where they have stayed in the room whilst I got undressed. Similarly when you have to get undressed at a doctor's they always pull a curtain to protect your modesty. I would report it just to let them know. If they address it with him they can do it without mentioning who complained as it's probable you're not the only person he has done this to.

Mildred007 · 20/09/2019 22:28

Also I agree that whenever I've had a massage I've been fully covered with blanket/towel and the part of my body which is being massaged gets uncovered & part of body not currently being massaged is re-covered.

1Morewineplease · 20/09/2019 22:29

Not sure about this thread

SoreAndFedUpToday · 20/09/2019 22:30

I've never had a full body massage, but I presume as you say you are naked, then the masseuse will see your naked body lying down on the couch. Why is this different to him seeing your naked body standing up?

(that said, if you feel creeped out then I'm so sorry, must have been horrible)

bookwormsforever · 20/09/2019 22:40

Every massage i’ve Had, you keep pants on. And the masseuse leaves the room for you to get ready. Could you have asked him to do this?

katseyes7 · 20/09/2019 22:40

l go for a sports massage every couple of weeks. My masseuse leaves the room while l get undressed and get on the couch, then does the same afterwards. l take everything off except my knickers. The towel she gives me covers me from my boobs to my ankles. She only ever uncovers the bit she's working on, and when l turn over, she holds the towel up like a curtain until l'm settled.

This guy does sound more than a bit dodgy. l'd definitely be mentioning it to the management.

Original poster
PerfectPlum9 · 20/09/2019 22:40

Knickers are not kept on as they massage the glutes where the sciatic nerve goes through, the towel is pushed aside slightly but still covers the butt crack. Obvs legs, shoulders, neck, head & arms can be done with the towel in place. When you turn over the towel is lowered to just cover the bum so the whole back can be done. So he wouldn't see any private bits normally.

OP posts:
sunshiney78 · 20/09/2019 22:41

Is it possible that he wasn’t expecting you to get undressed whilst he was still in the room?
If he asked you to get undressed, and then remain in the room, it’s creepy.

Original poster
PerfectPlum9 · 20/09/2019 22:42

Yes I could've asked him to leave bookworm but I thought he'd stay with his back to me.

OP posts:
Sadiesnakes · 20/09/2019 22:46

fucking weirdos voting this is not wrong or creepy, wtaf?

LittleMissTeacup · 20/09/2019 22:48

I’m thinking the same as @sunshiney78 - that he wasn’t expecting you to get undressed with him still in the room. Did he ask you to whilst he was still there? Cause that would be creepy...

ellendegeneres · 20/09/2019 22:54

I’ve had several massages, and most recently a facial and the (female) who did it asked me to take my upper clothing off and fully cover before she re-entered.

I’m appalled that he didn’t leave the room, that’s crazy to me!

BoringUserName00 · 20/09/2019 22:59

I wonder if he was looking at your reflection in the bottles he was fiddling with . Is rather creepy

Funguy · 20/09/2019 23:03

Not quite as bad as the male physio who shoved his erection into my back but def reportable

Saracen · 20/09/2019 23:04

I would expect someone in his profession to be very aware of the need to be cautious in order to avoid embarrassing a client or getting accused of improper conduct. It can't have been a mistake.

Creepy.

Rachelover60 · 20/09/2019 23:06

He was in the wrong, op. It was creepy.

I had a horrible experience years ago with a doctor practising Chinese medicine. If this thread is still going tomorrow I'll come back and say what happened. What was odd was that I almost didn't believe it, I froze. I remember walking home afterwards in a daze. I never went back.

People in that sort of position know their clients aren't expecting anything dodgy, they are trusted.

Actionhasmagic · 20/09/2019 23:06

Yanbu they should leave the room whilst you move to the bed - hope you are okay

bluecheeze · 20/09/2019 23:10

@PerfectPlum9 YANBU for sure. Sounds grim and creeeepy.

FWIW I would NEVER let a man massage me in this manner. And I don't give a stuff how uncool I sound to some people. Women only.

Yabbers · 20/09/2019 23:16

@1Morewineplease

What? You can see something wrong with people sharing stories of various states of undress having massages?Wink

SummerWhisper · 20/09/2019 23:23

Rather than reporting, offer the place some feedback. Explain that although it may have been accidental, you don't feel as though substitute masseurs are inducted properly and may not be aware of the protocol of staying outside the room when clients are undressing and dressing. Ask for reassurance that it won't happen again and state that you will never, as a result of this possible sexual offence, use a male masseur again.

It was more than likely deliberate. You can see from the corner of your eye where somebody is in the room, and instinct would tell you to quickly turn back, but he chose to gawp, as you put it. He probably decides who to pull this trick on in advance. Sorry Flowers