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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

How would you feel if you received this email?

544 replies

SamCam349 · 20/09/2019 00:49

Is this (below) a nice email to receive? What would you think of the sender who wrote it??

‘I will reluctantly speak to you next Tuesday to attempt to address your discriminatory actions. As I mentioned last week, I, personally, do not consider you to be that important, and I would not be entertaining this call were your manager not also be participating.’

OP posts:
LiterallyCantBelieveIt · 20/09/2019 16:34

Oh my god, sorry to hear that SamCam Flowers

TeachesOfPeaches · 20/09/2019 16:34

Also how could you possibly think the email was nice?

FelicityBeedle · 20/09/2019 16:35

Sorry you’ve lost your job but this might be the time for a bit of an awakening. It seems you were likely upset when you sent that email but in professional life everyone’s really needs to be able to temper their emotions

Original poster
SamCam349 · 20/09/2019 16:35

Fuck - what will I do about the mortgage? The bills? Food? My employer is hardly going to give me a glowing reference now. :(

OP posts:
Lulualla · 20/09/2019 16:36

@SamCam349

Have you been there longer than 2 years?

Do you have a protected characteristic which someone used to exclude you from something, to insult you or hold you back in some way? We're you actually discriminated against?

If you were discriminated against, and the company didn't take swift action, and forced you to speak to your bully, and you sent that email because of it then I don't think that amounts to gross misconduct. A warning, yes. But if that email stemmed from discrimination then it may be unfair dismissal. Speak to ACAS.

Original poster
SamCam349 · 20/09/2019 16:36

@TeachesOfPeaches - I was hoping (a flicker of hope) that it wasn't as bad as I thought it was. I was dreading today.

OP posts:
saraclara · 20/09/2019 16:36

Well OP is being deliberately enigmatic, so there's really little point in anyone offering any of the opinions she asked for.

saraclara · 20/09/2019 16:37

Ah. Cross posted. Sorry OP

HobbyIsCodeForDogging · 20/09/2019 16:38

You didn't get fired for that email. You got fired for everything that led up to it. There's a bigger story here. Want to tell us what went on? You don't have to obviously.

Groovee · 20/09/2019 16:39

What context resulted in the email being sent?

Vanhi · 20/09/2019 16:39

I am sorry OP. Maybe start a new thread in employment. Be less cryptic, explain the circumstances and see what advice you get.

I ended up yelling very unprofessionally at a colleague of mine after years of her undermining me and attempting to bully me. I really had just had enough. But I yelled when there were no witnesses. I do understand how you can be pushed so hard you crack. Do take care of yourself.

Original poster
SamCam349 · 20/09/2019 16:40

Unless I find a new job soon, I will be homeless...

OP posts:
MyGhastIsFlabbered · 20/09/2019 16:40

I agree with Hobby you didn't get fired just on the basis of that e-mail. I hope you find another job soon.

Ohyesiam · 20/09/2019 16:41

As I mentioned last week, I, personally, do not consider you to be that important,
This is the line that makes it highly unprofessional , and quite nasty.

The rest is obviously a result of a situation that the writer could be blamesless in ( or not) and just provides information. It is not warm, but given that the subject matter is discrimination, that is not surprising.

JumpyLiz · 20/09/2019 16:41

What’s with the not nice shit? On what planet would anyone think that was in the same stratosphere as nice Hmm

Were you pissed as a fart when you sent it?

RightYesButNo · 20/09/2019 16:41

I’m confused as hell. You didn’t get fired for an email. We all know that. So maybe if you want to lay it all out, go ahead. Or just say you won’t. You mention dealing with someone’s discriminatory actions toward you in that email. How did you get fired if you were being discriminated against by whoever you sent the email to? I’m aware such things happen, but you have the right to fight against them.

As for references, think about someone at your workplace who you are still in good terms with and use them as a reference. Unless you left on bad terms with absolutely everyone in your chain of management in which case, that’s a bit dire, and wtf happened...

FusionChefGeoff · 20/09/2019 16:41

Agree with PP, deep breath, new post outlining exactly what's happened and let MN minds support you through the next bit. Thanks

AmIThough · 20/09/2019 16:41

Were you the one being discriminated against, or was somebody accusing you of discrimination?

BatmanLovesTheCircus · 20/09/2019 16:42

That email is horrible and nasty. Not surprised you got fired tbh.

loobyloo1234 · 20/09/2019 16:44

Not surprising but I’m sorry to hear that OP. Any chance you might now bother to provide some context or is it enjoyable having everyone on strings like you have?

LiterallyCantBelieveIt · 20/09/2019 16:47

What happened Op? From the start of the situation to today? Can you outline it? There are HR professionals on here who can offer words of wisdom.

mbosnz · 20/09/2019 16:48

Oh dear.

That email was terrible you know. I think you do know, too.

I hope you're in a field where you can find a job quickly. I had a company where I knew that they'd give me a shit reference, and I was up front at interviews, saying I'd prefer they spoke to my other referees, because I was unlikely to be given a fair reference by that company, which they agreed to.

Your big problem is likely to be questions such as 'have you ever been dismissed from a position'. . .

Any chance of some temping? Or contract work?

And next time, the two options are - go via the correct channels re HR and Chain of Command, or make like a tree and leave.

Wine
coconuttelegraph · 20/09/2019 16:48

The background would help to be able to advise you on any possible next steps

Loveislandaddict · 20/09/2019 16:50

If you do decide to provide more information, be careful what you say as this is a public forum. Your (ex-) colleague’s could be Reading it.

WhoCaresWins01 · 20/09/2019 16:50

How long have you worked there?
What were their grounds for terminating your employment?
Can you explain the context?