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AIBU?

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Original poster

To find out who snitched on me?

146 replies

Mitzicoco · 19/09/2019 20:23

So I went to pick the kids up from school today. I was quite early well actually 20 minutes early so had a quick kip in the car. I was awoken by the deputy headmaster who wanted to speak to me so I went with him to his office and he said that there were some safeguarding issues regarding my children. To cut a long story short whereby my nanny got involved in all of this by being there and my children getting confused on what day she was there, somebody reported me on Monday or Tuesday of smelling of alcohol. I have not drunk anything at all. I am meeting the headmaster tomorrow to discuss this as a safeguarding issue. Am I being unreasonable in wanting to find the fuck out who reported me? And then giving them a piece of my mind?! I would never ever drink anything at all if I was driving. I cannot Think why somebody reported me. Were they being malicious? Nosy? Bored? Do they realise the impact this has on me? I am seriously pissed off.

OP posts:
outherealone · 20/09/2019 02:51

Grumpelstilskin

Am I the only one who expected someone to say 'Snitches get stitches...?'

@Grumpelstilskin I think I love you

SplintersOnTheFence · 20/09/2019 04:16

@59BlueChangeling you have no "rights" to know who made a safeguarding concern. Your employment in "a complaints department" is irrelevant.

SplintersOnTheFence · 20/09/2019 04:18

@theimpossiblegirl dyslexia isn't as simplistic as bad spelling, which is invariably cured by the enablement of a spell check function.

Jesaminecollins · 20/09/2019 04:30

@Mitzicoco

I can't believe what I am reading. When my daughter was at primary school I was a school assistant. I had volunteered because I only worked part-time at the local hospital. Anyway I was asked to help with the children because it was school photo day. We had a comb and brush ready to tidy the children up before they had their photographs taken. I was shocked when one little girl turned up in a filthy uniform and unbrushed hair. I went to comb her hair and it was very matted and she had nits. I immediately when to the head teacher to express my concerns regarding the little girl. He didn't seem at all interested and just informed me they would send a letter to the little girls mother telling her child had nits. After that I continued to monitor the little girl and she still turned up to school filthy and unkempt and not one person at the school did anything about it.

I would tell the school that if they continue with this persecution of you that you will be taking legal advice.

Cheeserton · 20/09/2019 04:34

'Snitched' LOL! Grin

You need to just say 'snitches get stitches' to whichever bunch you think might have grassed you up.

Kerrywerrywoo1 · 20/09/2019 04:37

You sound like a mess, kipping in the car, kids meeting their nan but you are there ( early and asleep ) ...I’m dyslexic but spell check on phone and iPad works so I think it’s you . If you want to sort things out like an adult don’t start shouting about who grassed you up but spend time repairing your reputation.

Jesaminecollins · 20/09/2019 04:43

@Kerrywerrywoo1

We don't actually know the full story do we?

My husband slurs his speech when he is tired because he has a very demanding job and works long hours.

If I was her I would find out who this person is and tell them to mind their own business.

TheMustressMhor · 20/09/2019 05:03

I'm enjoying this thread enormously but I have to admit that I haven't a clue what it's about.

NicolaStart · 20/09/2019 05:06

So was it the Nanny who had collected the children smelling of drink?

Zoflorabore · 20/09/2019 05:08

Wow am shocked at the vitriol here. Op has explained her situation as best she can and is understandly upset.

I keep seeing these threads where people moan about the nastiness going on around here lately and felt like it wasn’t something I could really identify with- until now ( maybe I’m on the nicer topics! ) but this is out of order repeatedly asking op if she is drunk.

Op- I’m taking your words at face value and believe what you’ve said. I believe that schools have a duty of care when it comes to safeguarding and are obliged to follow up all allegations and rightly so, doesn’t mean they are true of course but in this day and age there are so many children slipping through the net and with social media etc it’s more widely reported.

If this was me I would be very calm. You have absolutely nothing to worry about if you haven’t been drinking whilst collecting the children and I agree that it’s horrible to feel that somebody has “snitched” on you. You will likely never find out who though so may have to make your peace with that one.

The safeguarding lead at dd’s primary is the headteacher. We’ve had a few children over the last few years who were clearly being neglected and lots of parents were concerned. SS were involved ( the mother told people her business ) and one day they just never came back to school. One of the dc was in dd’s class and I often think of them.

You will not help the situation by going in on the defensive. I say this seriously as I too would be fuming but you have to look at it from the school’s perspective.
Tell them you’re appalled that anyone would suggest that etc but are equally glad that the school community is looking out for their children. Sadly, these things do happen all the time and the children involved need protection and help.

Hold your head high Flowers

Jenny70 · 20/09/2019 05:09

Someone had concerns, the school is looking into it, as well they should.

This is the way that neglected children don't slip through the system - speak to Head Teacher, explain whatever it is they have concerns about, don't be upset, pompous or self righteous - this is a procedure to ensure your child(ren) are safe.

If you kick off, not only will the school think you are slightly unhinged, but also someone won't take the next complaint as seriously, worried about a similar reaction. And the next complaint may be a neglected child at risk.

It's not nice to be accused of something, especially not taking care of your children. But speak to Head Teacher, clear up any confusion in a controlled and polite way and nothing will come of it, no-one will be talking about you, school won't refer it on, and nothing will be taken by it.

MyOtherProfile · 20/09/2019 05:17

Nothing wrong with having a nap in the car if you arrive early. I've walked past parents doing it several times in the past. Also nothing wrong with kids getting muddled between which day nanny would come and which day mum. Young kids aren't very good at sorting the days of the week.

Also nothing wrong with name changing and then forgetting. Loads of people do that.

However the issue is your attitude here OP. If you go in angry you will add to their concerns. Be glad they are implementing their safeguarding policy because lots of schools don't and that's how bad things go unnoticed.

Thank them for their concern and explain that you don't drink in the day. Let it go with the other parent. You are unlikely to find out who it was.

dentydown · 20/09/2019 06:38

As someone who has been reported for a load of things. I sympathise. You have to keep calm and state the facts. You were not drunk, you don’t drink during the day, you don’t drink if you are driving or going to drive. They won’t tell you who did it.

Before anyone else asks. I had a baby girl which produced a flurry of reports. Have no idea if it was one person or several, they wouldn’t tell me. One of the reports was that I wasn’t dressing her up in girls clothes, therefore I want her/wished her to be a boy! (Her brothers chose her newborn clothes, and we ended up with dinosaurs, cars and Pokemon, I thought it would be nice for them). Was advised to “dress her up in pink girly clothes more to avoid confusion ” Hmm I was quite livid about it, and probably said something a bit rude. (Something like who cares as long as she’s comfortable, then questioned the sanity of the reporter Blush).

Keep calm and be factual. If someone keeps reporting you, you could ask if it’s one person or a group because you feel like you are being victimised. If they carry on you may have a case that it’s malicious and you could make a complaint.

tuberr0se · 20/09/2019 06:53

Thank you all (mostly) for your positive advice. I have calmed down now, recognise the school are actually doing a good thing in following up a concern and trying not to take it personally.

Theimpossiblegirl · 20/09/2019 07:03

@04:18SplintersOnTheFence
I completely agree, I was a little annoyed by those jumping on the erratic posting style and lack of fluency in some of the ops posts. Tired, stressed and dyslexic are all good reasons for this.

C0untDucku1a · 20/09/2019 07:06

Could it be tour perfume? Could it have gone off? I know someone whose perfume has a smell of stale alcohol.

Witchinaditch · 20/09/2019 07:44

Your post makes no sense. Can you explain it again?

BeepBeeep · 20/09/2019 07:51

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

tuberr0se · 20/09/2019 07:53

Asked into school office. Meeting with dep head and head of school. Someone had reported smell of alcohol on me on Wednesday which is the day the childminder picks up. Confusion. Then it transpires that it was earlier in the week when I pick up,

tuberr0se · 20/09/2019 07:55

Hope that clears it up. Hadn't been drinking so no idea why someone would have reported me. Never touch a drink before kids in bed.

youarenotkiddingme · 20/09/2019 07:56

The OP has explained it.

Someone reported to the school they believed she was drunk at pick up.
Nanny confirmed it wasn't a day she collected/ OP confirmed it wasn't a nanny day. Children had got days mixed up.
OP arrived at school one day early and due to being tired decided to have a cat nap in the car.

Someone told school and deputy head approached, knocked window, took OP into school and told her about accusation.

OP is obviously upset because she is being accused of drink driving and collecting children drink when it's not true.

OP has explained she's severely dyslexic and then began using dictaphone to make posts clearer.

OP has to go back today and argue again that she wasn't drunk. Which obviously is difficult because she can't prove she wasn't and school can't prove she was. Therefore they'll be watching and make judgements. No one wants to feel like that on a false accusation. Op is angry - as would most of us be if accused falsely of something that puts lots of people at risk - including your own children.

youarenotkiddingme · 20/09/2019 07:58

I dispair at the nasty judgemental posts. Before you post think about how you'd feel if this happened to post and employ some empathy. Angry

whogoncheckmeBoo · 20/09/2019 08:39

The OP didn’t ask for help or advice, she asked was she being unreasonable to find out who the fuck snitched on her and give them a piece of her mind.

familycourtq · 20/09/2019 09:01

OP has explained she's severely dyslexic and then began using dictaphone to make posts clearer.
Can someone explain this? I apologise for my ignorance - last I knew a dictaphone was a recorder one spoke into - not sure how this could be used to post on MN - just curious not trying to be a git about it.

Sux2buthen · 20/09/2019 09:08

@familycourtq I would suspect it's not too much of a leap to assume op is dictating into a facility on her phone that then types what she's saying.

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