To have to tell someone

[FairyDust92]

Not to reach in and touch my child! Happened yesterday and my son is 10 weeks we were out for lunch and the waiter bent down and stroked his face! I said 'please do not touch my child' she then continued to touch his legs so I said again 'don't touch my child'. She actually took offence to this but I don't think I should have to tell people not to touch him. I don't know who she is or where she has been and to touch his bloody face! Wtf. Maybe I am over reacting but I cannot stand people touching him that I don't know. What comes over them to think they can stroke someone else's baby... it's bloody weird! 🤬

@Juliephine you were not unreasonable. We were in the same boat. But unless OP's baby is immunosuppressed, they will be strong enough to deal with it.

You wouldn't randomly go up to a teenager out with their parents and grsd their cheek and legs

You also wouldn't breastfeed teenagers or put them to bed at 7pm. Because they are different from babies.

“but just trying to do what's best for my son. ”

You’re not though. You’re doing what’s best for you. Which is absolutely fine of course. But it really won’t hurt your baby- they thrive on human contact and adoration!

@fairydust92 I dont think you ABU at all. I work in a place where men think it's okay to be in physical contact with me for no reason, and I can't stand it. If we have children brought into the venue, I ALWAYS ensure to ask customers if it's okay for me to take a peek at baby- I'm TTC and am baby obsessed at the moment. I think it's awful to just assume you're allowed to just approach directly.
There was a story in our local news about a man who punched a baby in the face 'thinking it was a doll'- he didn't know the baby but took it upon himself to get way too close!

Zebraaa I think it’s different because you will have clean and sanitised hands etc.

I love babies and I love to hold them etc but I always ask first. I’m more aware of not touching children I don’t know since having my second and she has a suppressed immune system, I don’t want people touching her with hands that could have been anywhere.

I think there are 2 issues, protecting your baby, and germs are up and at em at this time of year. I suspect your reaction was instinctive and protective rather than precious
Secondly it is about the concept of whose child it is, some people seem to think a baby belongs to everyone, others acknowledge the child is yours to love and care for and raise and nurture. And that involves making choices and decisions in the child´s best interests, and that changes week by week, then month by month and then year by year.
Trust your instincts and follow the lead of the parents you admire

Did they sound British born?
It used to be normal here 30 years ago but isn’t now, however in many other countries it still is.
Don’t go to rural Spain, Italy or Greece if you don’t want hands shooting out left right and centre to pat heads, pinch cheeks, or even pass a sweet into a little fist.
Even grumpy looking blokes In cheap bars do it, - without a word or even seeming to look round sometimes.

One of my SiLs is like this. Now, my niece is like it. She goes stiff when extended family greet her. My son, who was 4 at the time, hugged her hello and she freaked. Her mom freaked too (which didn’t help her daughter). My son felt awful and I was not going to stand for that! I told my son in front of SiL, that he’d done nothing wrong and to never change! It happened in my house.
Don’t pass your fears on to your kids.

Look at it this way: the instinct to reach out to touch or stroke a baby human is EXACTLY the instinct that makes grown male and female firefighters walk through blazing rooms to rescue the child before the pensioner; first responders’ hearts to race when they see an empty car seat in an RTA; strangers shriek out loud and yank a child to safety if they think it’s in danger of being run over etc etc.

Babies are precious and we’re hardwired to be drawn to them. It shows compassion, tenderness, protectiveness, humanity. It’s human.

Only in the precious, sterile, me-me-me-and-mine first world do people get het up about this sort of thing.

@FairyDust92

Ignore the posters who are telling you that you’re being unreasonable. Your baby is only 10 weeks old.

I don’t touch my partners baby niece unsolicited (it’s common courtesy to the parents and the child) and when I touched my nephews foot while he slept (I think he was in my arms at the time) my sister told me not to as that is how she would wake him up.

When I have my child I won’t be letting strangers touch him.

I’ve no idea where their hands have been!!

Anyone with half a brain knows you don’t touch newborns faces if you’re not the parent.

That stranger likely hadn’t even washed their hands.

I had to tell a colleague not to touch my stomach the other day.

If a stranger does it I won’t be so polite.

@HennyPennyHorror

Seriously?? Was a stranger about to hit your child?? Or was she about to touch her? (Either way it’s shocking what you described).

There’s a reaction that humans can get where something is so cute they become aggressive and want to squish it. It’s a violent urge

www.google.com/amp/s/relay.nationalgeographic.com/proxy/distribution/public/amp/news/2015/10/151010-science-psychology-babies-animals-culture-behavior

You can guarantee I won’t be polite if a stranger approaches my child.

@VenusTiger I'm not like that at all around family. His cousins can give him as many cuddles and kisses as they want. The difference? I KNOW them.

@meccacos2 thank you.
Oh no I never left anyone touch my bump without my permission. Didn't want people just touching me. Better watch out that probably makes me a look and crazy!

Nah I don’t think you were rude OP.

Babies are not public property any more than pregnant women are, and the mumsnet collective gets their knickers in a not when someone dares to touch a pregnant belly.

Stop touching people!

One of my SiLs is like this. Now, my niece is like it. She goes stiff when extended family greet her. My son, who was 4 at the time, hugged her hello and she freaked. Her mom freaked too (which didn’t help her daughter). My son felt awful and I was not going to stand for that! I told my son in front of SiL, that he’d done nothing wrong and to never change! It happened in my house.

This is all sorts of wrong! You, not your SIL! You seriously told your kid to keep on hugging people without heir permission when they don’t like it? I see a kid in the future who doesn’t understand consent...

Your niece has every right to not want a hug FFS!

OP is not unreasonable, though perhaps over the top with the waiter.

After intervening with numerous dickheads wanting to touch my baby's face having just had ten fags, or having used rank dishcloths and not wash their hands, just for example and loads more besides, I have plenty of sympathy with not wanting random people touching your baby. And no, this doesn't just apply to baby number one. Some people have no common sense or boundaries.

Babies thrive on human contact, adults need it too. Perhaps you weren't exposed to enough human affection in your early years.... 😉 your baby was being made a fuss over and getting attention which they love and you were very rude. Assuming your baby is healthy YABU and I'd suggest talking to HV about your anxieties.

precious much?!

Yeah OP, humiliate a complete stranger, why not?

His cousins can give him as many cuddles and kisses as they want. The difference? I KNOW them

How old are these cousins? You know for sure that they’d washed their hands after having a poo or that they didn’t just pick their nose before touching your baby? Hmmm?

You need to calm the fuck down.

I think that you over reacted.

I wouldn't expect anyone to touch my Ddogs without asking, so I damn well wouldn't expect to touch a child! But I would also be very annoyed with anyone who tried to touch my bump without permission, and I am not a touchy/huggy person in general (much to my DM's annoyance)!

@Greywalls12
Are you for real?! Rude AF! Jesus, when people casually pop into work to show off their baby, do you think everyone is actually excited (just because you are?!) This poor woman was just trying to force some interest to be polite I'd imagine.
You actually said that did you? Wow.
Some of you precious princesses beggar belief.

Im the same as you and totally agree. Dont touch my baby. Its simple.

Look at it this way: the instinct to reach out to touch or stroke a baby human is EXACTLY the instinct that makes grown male and female firefighters walk through blazing rooms to rescue the child before the pensioner; first responders’ hearts to race when they see an empty car seat in an RTA; strangers shriek out loud and yank a child to safety if they think it’s in danger of being run over etc etc.

Babies are precious and we’re hardwired to be drawn to them. It shows compassion, tenderness, protectiveness, humanity. It’s human.

Only in the precious, sterile, me-me-me-and-mine first world do people get het up about this sort of thing.

Exactly this. Amazed so many people are so scandalized by this. You probably did really upset someone who meant absolutely no harm and was just being nice. Healthy babbies don't tend to die from someone touching their cheek, for goodness sake.