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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have to tell someone

451 replies

FairyDust92 · 19/09/2019 18:43

Not to reach in and touch my child! Happened yesterday and my son is 10 weeks we were out for lunch and the waiter bent down and stroked his face! I said 'please do not touch my child' she then continued to touch his legs so I said again 'don't touch my child'. She actually took offence to this but I don't think I should have to tell people not to touch him. I don't know who she is or where she has been and to touch his bloody face! Wtf. Maybe I am over reacting but I cannot stand people touching him that I don't know. What comes over them to think they can stroke someone else's baby... it's bloody weird! 🤬

OP posts:
violetswordfish · 20/09/2019 20:46

I was never bothered when anyone touched, cooed over or even kissed my dc as babies

How old were they?
It makes a huge difference.

6 month old thag crawls around and shoves everything in its mouth, probably fine.

10 week old newborn with a very underdeveloped immune system, not so fine. Especially when you have no idea if the stranger have a cold sore (herpes cam be fatal in babies and the NHS has posters about it on maternity wards now), or have just had a cigarette, or been coughing viruses into their hands.

Plus it's just bloody rude. Keep your hands off other people's kids! If I see someone with a nice soft looking coat on I might get the urge to stroke it but I wouldn't dream of actually doing it!! Why is a baby any different?!

Fowles94 · 20/09/2019 20:47

It's not okay ever to touch someone else without their permission and where it's a baby the parents permission. I wouldn't want to be touched so why would they. Especially a waitress touching money and other people cutlery etc. A young baby is still forming an immune system so shouldn't have their faces/ hands touched.

ScatteredMama82 · 20/09/2019 20:51

I hated strangers touching my babies, especially their faces. It's just so intrusive, and unnecessary.

Loveyou3000 · 20/09/2019 20:51

Why do people on this thread think they're entitled to touch other people, their things or their babies? If you absolutely can't keep your hands off babies, children's hair (re:another thread as mentioned above), pregnancy bumps etc. -get help, it's weird.

bonitakitlee · 20/09/2019 20:53

You sound so joyless and miserable.

NoTheresa · 20/09/2019 20:56

bonitakitlee

You sound so joyless and miserable.

God, yes. Ridiculous overreaction and an inability to debate in a calm way.

spanglydangly · 20/09/2019 20:56

You really were unnecessarily rude!

NoTheresa · 20/09/2019 20:57

Embarrassingly so. I cannot imagine how bad it made the waitress feel.

violetswordfish · 20/09/2019 20:59

And people who are OK with touching other people's kids - I presume you only do it after making sure you have no allergens on your hands? Or you're happy taking the risk of shoving a hand you've just been eating peanuts with into a child's face? And the parent should just trust that random strangers are diligent enough not to do that?

Agitetur · 20/09/2019 21:02

“cannot imagine how bad it made the waitress feel”
Concern for waitress but not the mum?mum who clearly said stop don’t touch

violetswordfish · 20/09/2019 21:03

Something I've learned - if you're carrying a baby in a sling then people do not touch your baby. Apparently it's OK to invade a babies personal space if they're in a pram, but it's beyond most people to go in for a feel when they have to get that close to a strange adult!

CarolDanvers · 20/09/2019 21:05

“cannot imagine how bad it made the waitress feel”

Well hopefully she'll keep her hands to herself next time.

Lilymossflower · 20/09/2019 21:13

I had this all the time with my baby. Pissed me right off and I would tell people very straight 'can you not touch my baby !'

They would get very offended and I would laugh at them in my head cause who in there right mind thinks its OK to randomly touch someone's small baby . ridiculous

Morado · 20/09/2019 21:16

People are always doing this with my little girl on the bus. Sometimes if I'm a bit unsure about their cleanliness I'll wipe her with a baby wipe after 😂 but I'd never tell someone to not touch her. She loves the interaction!

avamiah · 20/09/2019 21:16

violetswordfish,
Totally agree with you 100 percent .

Claricethecat45 · 20/09/2019 21:17

Im embarrassed for you. How rude. Perhaps the waiter was mourning the loss of their own baby or had suffered some kind of sadness....they were just reaching out to a new and doubtless adorable cutey, and you blew your horn.....definitely joyless, rude and mean...get over yourself and count your blessings

HeadintheiClouds · 20/09/2019 21:21

I would laugh at them in my head. What a twat.

Lvsel · 20/09/2019 21:23

On the fence about this. People want to touch babies because they are cute but maybe not the face and definitely not a kiss.
My aunt kissed my nephew in the lips when he was a baby and my sister went ape shit. Aunt thought it was okay but of relation but isnt it's not your kid

Lvsel · 20/09/2019 21:24

*because of relation

Lvsel · 20/09/2019 21:25

But op you could have said it nicer she didnt kiss your child.

Agitetur · 20/09/2019 21:25

@Claricethecat45 what an unsubstantiated leap. A teary waitress mourning her own baby? A sad life endured....pass the Kleenex
You could write for the people’s friend if that sentimental schmaltz comes to you so readily

Namaste6 · 20/09/2019 21:26

Firstly, Congrats on your new baby! Secondly you are not, despite some posts to the contrary, being unreasonable. It would have been perfectly acceptable for the waitress to lean in a little to coo, but honestly, that's it. You do not just go in and touch a baby without permission. Absolutely not. Just no.

Moominfan · 20/09/2019 21:28

I was really weird with my first. Didn't want to put him down or let anyone hold him. Got over it in about a week. Think it's normal to be weirdly protective for a while. hormones, sleep depravation and a big change. You ok op? Seems a big reaction for such a minor thing.

CyanRyan · 20/09/2019 21:30

How do you know that people you know have washed their hands and aren’t infected with anything?
I think YABU and you were rude

Lilyannarose · 20/09/2019 21:34

I can understand why you feel that way, but I can also understand why the waiter took offence.

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