To have to tell someone

[FairyDust92]

Not to reach in and touch my child! Happened yesterday and my son is 10 weeks we were out for lunch and the waiter bent down and stroked his face! I said 'please do not touch my child' she then continued to touch his legs so I said again 'don't touch my child'. She actually took offence to this but I don't think I should have to tell people not to touch him. I don't know who she is or where she has been and to touch his bloody face! Wtf. Maybe I am over reacting but I cannot stand people touching him that I don't know. What comes over them to think they can stroke someone else's baby... it's bloody weird! 🤬

YANBU
If a stranger came up to me and started stroking my face or legs, I'd freak out and call the police.
It shouldn't be any different with babies. They have an immature immune system and need extra protection from germs.

And I say this as a very earth type mother who loves letting her toddler play in mud and eat food off the floor. But only when he was past 6 months or so

You are not being unreasonable at all.

It is completely unacceptable to touch another person without permission whether it's a baby child or adult.

It is so demeaning to call another woman precious or PFB for maintainability a boundary
Babies aren’t pets to be patted because they’re cute.
Of course op is annoyed she asked waitress to stop,she didn’t

Hmmm

Did you use post this to offload or did you actually want to hear any views that may not be the same as yours?

Was the waiter British? If not, you need to understand that other cultures deal with children very differently. They actually like them! When we took DS1 abroad for the first time as a baby, we got out of the airport and the driver of the hotel transfer mini bus grabbed him and started jigging him around. We were in Cyprus. This was just an indication of the attention he would get for the rest of the week. When DS2 was a toddler we went to Dubai and he got the most ridiculous amount of attention (he’s very fair with strawberry blonde hair). One Indian lady even came up to him and planted a massive kiss on his face. I didn’t particularly like that but I wasn’t rude to her as she was well meaning.

@BunsyGirl as interesting as your strangers with the baby is to you,it’s not relevant
Ok so you were happy to let strangers pick up,touch your kids. Your choice
That in no way means that @FairyDust92 is wrong in her preference

I haven't RTFT but @NearlyGranny is spot on.

There was a thread yesterday from a woman who was unhappy that a man at the school gates had ruffled her 5 year old daughter's hair. The response from other posters was a bit shocking, telling the OP to get a grip and to not be so precious!

But, I ask you... would you want a man (or anyone!) you don't know to come and touch you without asking or ruffle your hair? I have no doubt the intentions were harmless but it is just not appropriate!

I don't necessarily think being rude to the waitress was called for, but then she won't do it again will she.

Sorry it’s a YABU from me.

I agree with you OP, I don't have kids and of course think a little baby is really cute, but I would never think it appropriate for someone to touch someone's baby uninvited.

Agitetur....it is absolutely relevant given that so many waiting staff in this country are first generation immigrants. My children are well travelled and what is strange or unacceptable here can be completely normal elsewhere. That was the point I was making.

if not, you need to understand that other cultures deal with children very differently. They actually like them

I’m from a culture who generally go gaga over babies. I absolutely adore the squishy little thIngs but I still don’t touch other people’s babies when I’m out and about. I will tell the parents how gorgeous their baby is and ask about them, smile and pull silly faces etc but I would never touch them. I think that’s overstepping boundaries. I wouldn’t touch any other random person when I’m out in public unless i was administering first aid, and just because a person is a very young one, I don’t feel they are there to be touched by whoever feels like it.

Whatnotwot...I am not saying what they did was right but many people in other cultures are more tactile with children than British people are. I have seen it over and over again with my own eyes.

I feel very much the same way!
I would never touch a baby/child I didnt know!
I've got 3 nieces and a nefew (on DH side - we've been together 13 years) ranging in ages from 6 months - 21 and i have never even kissed them on the face! Always the top of the head.
I find that older people are the worst for touching babies/children. Especially in trolly's - you turn around for 1 second and some old dear is all over baby.
You are not weird!

Where did that person learn manners? Firstly how impolite not to ask first, terrible manners! Also If someone then asks you not to do something like that then dont do it.

They need to get control over themselves and learn to think and ask before they just do something.

Bunsy I take your point and yes I agree some cultures are very hands on with babies. I personally don’t mind it but because I live here and respect that not every culture is the same, I hold back any urge to squish strangers babies. It’s very difficult at times

YANBU!!!
I have two young children, some random woman on the bus took hold of both DS's hands when I'd FINALLY got him to sleep , she could see he was sleeping and her touching him woke him up.
Could've killed her . Firstly, don't touch my child, secondly don't wake him up! (She did it as I went up to the front of the bus to pay, on my way back I saw her )

I do not like strangers touching my children.

You are within your rights to say no.

I do agree that if someone wouldn't come up to me and hold my hands, why do they think it is acceptable to do it to a baby they do not know?

@BunsyGirl irrespective of how how travelled your kids are it has no relevance to op
@FairyDust92is relating unwanted touching and her asking the waitress to desist
You @Bunsygirl are relating wanted touching which you approved of
Can you see the difference

I don't like it when strangers touch babies without asking - not a hygiene thing, more a personal space thing. The baby can't say whether it wants to be touched or not so it is up to the mother/parent/career to decide on their behalf

First baby, for sure.

You over reacted and were rude and they probably did spit in your food

Agitetur...err where did I say it was wanted touching?! I think you need to re-read my post. Of course it has relevance of the waiter wasn’t British. That’s why I asked the question!!! My kids attracted a lot of attention in certain countries when they were babies and toddlers. We didn’t ask for the attention but it happened so I know what I am talking about. My post was not about whether it was right or wrong but trying to explain why it may have occurred as it was a shock to us when we first experienced it.

@bunsygirl you’re not explicit you didn’t like the attention you’re enthusing about the attention your children received
Only in the Example of the lady kissing your son did you express misgiving

Some horrible patronising posts on here.

I remember wishing I'd had the nerve to tell someone not stroke my babies cheek when he was small. Instead I cut the chat sort. My baby, my choice who touches him.

Whatnotwot...I can’t pretend that I liked a stranger kissing my child but I do love how other cultures love their children. It’s the reason we rarely holiday in the U.K. now as I don’t like people giving my children evil looks whilst they sit quietly in a restaurant eating their dinner (yes we have actually had that )!