To think working when you have a young child is really hard?

[BumbleBee1212]

Just that really, and I only do 3 days a week!

Mornings are hell. DD (15 months), clings to my leg screaming while I try to get ready and out the door. I have no choice but to do hair/ make up and get stuff done which she absolutely hates.

Work is manic because I’ve fit everything into 3 days, I never really have time for a lunch break and I have to rush to nursery straight away to collect DD then get everything done in one hour before bed.

On my days off she’s hard work but I can clean/ cook/ rest while she naps, fit the day around her etc.

Everyone said how important it is to do both but honestly, I talk to more adults when I’m off work and at toddler groups.

How does everyone else manage? Being a SAHM is tempting right now as I only make an extra £400 or so anyway after childcare!

Beep

Oh yes, totally agree and I was just adding it's not the only reason. We both earned the same and had very similar careers at the same level, but I chose sahm. I'd still have made the same decision if I'd have earned more.

We are all different though and it's what makes the world go round.

Having recently done 12 months of maternity leave and now 7 months back at work, I found it psychologically harder not working but practically harder working and having a child!

Now I'm back at work (4 days) it feels like a treadmill, I just go from week to week and it's crazy. Doesn't ever seem time to do anything. But I love my job so am happier in myself if exhausted.

Maternity leave was practically easier to get everything done but I found it very difficult and struggled with identity and got impatient being a SAHM.

Oh it’s totally hard work. I work 8-330 mon - thurs and it’s a killer. DH does all morning prep and drop offs and I do pick ups and entertain in late afternoon until DH gets home. We share tea, bath and bed time.

Tbh Im thinking of dropping to 3 days as it’s so tough but then I’d not be able to save anything each month (though DH would) so going to carry on as long as I can. Plus we want to move house so need the multiples of salary for bigger mortgage.

@PuffHuffle5 My DS is the same age - I put him in his cot with a bunch of toys while I get ready in the mornings and when I do housework he’s sat in the living room playing or if he’s a bit restless I put something on the tv that I know he’ll be glued to so he keeps fairly still.

Gosh I wish I could do this but DD doesn’t do playing in her cot, she’d just be hysterical, she doesn’t sit still for more than 2 seconds- even if I put Peppa on!

Thanks for all your replies- lots of reasons why working is important. I work in finance so I understand the implications of living on low pensions/ divorce etc.

I always said when I went back that I’d give it 6 months, until Christmas. So I’ll see how it goes and then may look at taking a year out.

I love being at home, I don’t think I’d be bored as there’s a lot we can do in the area activities wise and I have a few friends I can meet up with.

It’s just the being out the door at a certain time, wrestling DD into her clothes, teeth brushing etc. then not to mention sorting out the pets, that has my anxiety levels through the roof. Its like you’ve basically ran a marathon before you even get to work for the day!

Oh here we go.

Working with a small child is hard as is being a stay at home parent with a small child.

@PatricksRum nobody's saying it's not. But it's nice to have a discussion with others who are struggling.

Blummin nightmare. Getting 3 small kids out the house to school, preschool and childminder. Packed lunches and the rest. Manic at work and if someone's ill I have no back up.
I found mat leave 100 x easier. I took 14 months with dc3 but it wasn't long enough.

I adore my job and for me working is really important for my mental wellbeing and self esteem. Having said that... I'm on mat leave and when I go back next year it will be a logistical nightmare. I have 3 kids, one in school, one in nursery (school next September) and one baby. I'll have three separate drop offs to do and will need to rely on MIL and DM for childcare as don't earn enough for private nursery for as many days as we need while paying for wrap around care for older ones. I'm praying my DH gets a promotion so we can afford more convenient childcare to make like more simple but it's not likely to happen in this timeline. I'd be devastated to give up work though, I feel like what I do matters.

I work full time and have 4 children. The worst thing is is that my last pregnancy was unplanned and the only way I could afford her was to return to work full time when she was 12 weeks. I’ve worked ever since and have to get up at 5.30am to get myself ready before the breakfasting / dressing / teeth brushing etc etc and then do nursery / childminder/ school runs.

Evenings are meticulously packing / laying out stuff / ironing uniform / homework for the next day.

My soul is dead and my husband and I are zombies who have aged 20 years in 20 months.

I love them all dearly but SCREW YOU DEPO- VERA YOU USELESS PRICK.

Aaaaaand breathe. That’s better.

Went back to work when DD was 6 months and I'm glad as I couldn't have coped with a day more on mat leave. But it's hard this way also. I think what I find hard as well is that there's not much to look forward to because the treadmill is relentless.

Gosh, it’s nice to read this thread. I’ve been feeling so guilty for finding it so hard and it’s good to hear you say it too. I also ‘only’ work three days but have a two-year-old and DH isn’t here most mornings so I have to get both of us dressed, breakfasted and ready to go - and then drop him off before heading into work. Then repeat it all in reverse with picking him up etc. I love him so much, and obviously don’t resent the time but it’s exhausting! And like you, I feel like I now squeeze an awful lot of work into three days. Phew!

I've recently upped my hours in a new job and travel to work. My kids are older. I honestly don't know how so many of you manage the workload you have. You must be utterly exhausted.

Of course it's hard. Bloody hard! Unless you have loads of family help and a cleaner, then I guess it's manageable. Doing it all yourself with a partner must be awful. Without a partner I can't even imagine.

I always worked full time, and a single parent since my youngest was born (DC are 4 and 5). It actually got much more difficult when DCs started school, the mental load has increased massively.

*Oh here we go.

Working with a small child is hard as is being a stay at home parent with a small child.*

Yes it absolutely is. Saying working is hard doesn’t mean we’re saying being home is easy. Being a Mum is bloody hard full stop. There’s lots of replies on here from working and SAHP which are lovely supportive comments.

@TheFastandCurious wow 4 kids and a full time job, honestly you sound like wonder woman. I hope you are able to take a break sometimes!

@mumofone234 yes absolutely we are definitely in the same situation. I try not to complain too much in real life, I just keep smiling and doing my job as I know I’m lucky to have been offered the hours but some days I’m barely holding it together!

Those who are saying it's harder when they're at school... well, yes, I find it difficult organising the constant holidays etc and morning clubs and so on. However, it's much easier getting ready and time at home after work is much more chilled too. I have a toddler as well now and it's so draining having all the toddler craziness before and after work, plus the school holidays to sort out. Looking forward to the toddler being school age too!

I’m glad it’s not just me that’s struggling! I’m at uni which is normally only 3 days a week and fairly manageable but right now I’m on placement and it’s a nightmare. I’m working full time hours with 3 hours commuting a day, my 18 month old has turned into a tantrum-y nightmare, my house is a tip and I’m knackered. My partner works shifts so I’m lucky that he can take her to nursery but I’m on my own for a lot of evenings and weekends.

I only have to do this for 7 weeks though, I tip my hat to anyone who works full time with a toddler all the time!

I disagree.

I work full time and do all 5 nursery drop offs. I get up at 6:30 and get ready, get dd up at 7 and out the house at 7:15 for breakfast at nursery. No stress

I do 2 pick ups at 4:30, couple of hours all together then bed at 7:30. Dp does the other pick ups.

It is hard. I think any work and life pattern when you have a 15 month old is tough, unless you have funds to pay for childcare to allow you leisure time whilst not working. It's just the nature of parenting a child that age. Relentless, especially when you have one that won't be left for more than a couple of minutes without being a massive pain in the arse. If I put either of mine in a cot at that age they bloody climbed out.

Fwiw, we're through that stage now and are finding it easier. We work pretty flexibly and less than we could, for carefully chosen employers, and a lot of what allowed us this level of choice is having kept our hands in. That for me was one of the main reasons to do it. I'm not at all motivated by setting an example of working and we could've covered the bills on one wage. But to have balance and choices is such a privilege, whatever that looks like for you.

I think the drift of all the messages is each mum and family are different, and how we cope with parenting is different too. You need to think about what you want and how you see the future as a family and what you can cope with. Some mums couldn't cope with being at home, some can't deal with the juggling of career and children and some feel they have worked hard for a job they don't want to give up so are working to keep a job open. All views are perfectly valid for the each mum and no one size fits all.

I went back to work as a teacher for 3 days when my ds1 was 6 months. Grandparents had him 1 day which was bliss but he was in nursery for 2 days which he didn't like. I found it very difficult especially as I had work to do at home and got stressed if he didn't nap so I could get on. I felt I couldn't focus on my job the way I wanted or be the parent I wanted. I think it affected me me mentally as I wanted to enjoy being a parent but found I was constantly comprising everything. Both dh and i looked at what we could do financially so I could stay at home, and after a year I gave up work. I found it was a relief and I didn't miss it or the money but enjoyed my time at home.

I have 3 children now, 2 are at school and i am still a sahp. I love being at home and it suits me and my family and I have no regrets it was the right decision for us.

I can see how for working parents school is harder than nursery as they are so many holidays to cover, parent events they like you to come in for, but schools do provide wrap around care which make things easier for the child as they are in the same place.

I think we need to be kind to each other and the choices we make. We are all facing the same dilemma just approaching it as the individuals we are and finding a compromise that suits us.

OP yanbu.
I also went back 3 days after having kids; first time round was when dd was just 3 months old Definitely harder than being at home, BUT I wouldn’t have had it any other way. I’m in my fifties now and the long term benefits are so apparent- I was able to keep my career going and keep my pension going, so worth the hard work. By the time we had 3 children the childcare costs were the same as my take home pay. So yes it’s hard work and easy to think it’s not worth it, but I think I would definitely have regretted giving work up completely.

YANBU.

I have dc similar age and work full time and often need to do extra in eve.

Since returning from mat leave my manager has turned into a sexist pig and makes my life a misery.

Each morning is stressful as my baby cries when i get ready and wants all my attention. She seems to sense or hear when i wake up so i cant get up earlier than her. She still wakes in the night sometimes and by the time i have picked her up from nursery it's her bed time and then by the time ive got house sorted and dinner its about 9pm.

Im so overweight now, feel and look lile crap,am stressed and have no time to myself even weekends are busy.

I feel so guilty for leaving her but im trapped paying the high mortgage for now.

My dh helps but he works long hours too till midnight when there are project deadlines.

I feel like a broken woman with no way out of this for a while...however i love my dd so much she lights up our life even though times feel hard i treasure the family time we do get and she's doing well and seems to enjoy nursery when she gets there it's just the mornings that are the worst as i know she doesnt want me to go to work and i dont want to go either :(

I work full time with young ones and actually increased my hours from part time as that felt like too much of a halfway house. Couldn’t relate to mums at toddler stuff and SAHMs there for school run.
It’s manic before and after work marriage does suffer.. hoping this improves ?? Too tired to do anything.
But happy with the choice 100% easier than being at home not that it’s “easy”. Practically easier to be at home as can do all pick up/ drop off at leisure.

YANBU. I have 2 DC ages 4 and 18 months. 18 month old woke up 5 times last night but we still had to all get up at 6.30 and get the 4 year old to school (he’s very highly strung and has just started school so getting him ready is an issue in itself) then go to work. I’m up to my eyes in stress and tiredness. And that’s with my mum helping with childcare