To think working when you have a young child is really hard?

[BumbleBee1212]

Just that really, and I only do 3 days a week!

Mornings are hell. DD (15 months), clings to my leg screaming while I try to get ready and out the door. I have no choice but to do hair/ make up and get stuff done which she absolutely hates.

Work is manic because I’ve fit everything into 3 days, I never really have time for a lunch break and I have to rush to nursery straight away to collect DD then get everything done in one hour before bed.

On my days off she’s hard work but I can clean/ cook/ rest while she naps, fit the day around her etc.

Everyone said how important it is to do both but honestly, I talk to more adults when I’m off work and at toddler groups.

How does everyone else manage? Being a SAHM is tempting right now as I only make an extra £400 or so anyway after childcare!

@daisypond yep I am very lucky, I have a good set up. That’s why I feel bad that I can’t seem to do it all.

You all sound amazing like supermums. I agree SAHM or working nothing is easy!

Why is it harder when they're in school?

As i said above....
Nurseries tend to be open for longer hours and all year round. They also feed your child breakfast, lunch and sometimes tea.

When they start school you also have arrange wrap around care, childcare in holidays plus there is always something to remember....PE kit, home learning etc.

They don't tend to get sick when they're at school. But you have school holidays to cove, homework, projects, letters etc.

Oh, and your DH earns several times what you do... The old mantra. Yawn. You’re very privileged and spoiled.

Btw - keep your career. As much as you might feel like pulling your hair out, it helps you keep your sanity. It will always be so much harder to try and get back into an appropriate role when the time is right again... (when they're 25, right?). £400 extra is amazing! That's a fabulous holiday every 6 months.

Oh, and your DH earns several times what you do... The old mantra. Yawn. You’re very privileged and spoiled

There’s really no need to say that. You know nothing about my life other than what I’ve put on here.

horse4course I work in a small accountancy practice, one which the partner set up specifically 20 years ago when he had 3 young children as he never saw them, Hardly anyone here works outside of 9-5 ever and there aren't many of who are full time. I could earn more elsewhere but tbh the work/lifer balance (and 15 min commute) are what are keeping me sane.

It is sooo hard. I have 3 kids and I ended up quitting my job when my youngest was 15 months because I couldn't handle seeing her so upset every day. I was super stressed out all the time. The kids just needed me sooo much and I felt pulled in a million directions. Life is 100x better now. I wish I would have given up work earlier. I do feel guilty for not bringing in any money but the pro's far outweigh the con's and luckily my husband has a well paid job.

I hate having to work, hate having so little time with kids, hate that my work environment is one, where despite being lucky to have flexible working etc, has a culture of always on which means the fact that I’ve chosen to reject that since having kids and just work my hours and deal with sickness etc means I feel like I do a bad job at work, while constantly feeling like a bad mother for not getting to spend enough time with the kids. Hate that it feels we’re constantly rushing everyone out the door, or to bed. Hate that I can’t be with my kids when they need me, and that I miss them so much.

Pays the bills though, and I could have it far worse, but I definitely wouldn’t choose this lifestyle if we had another option.

Hang in there, it gets easier as they get older. Try to get organised or accept that you might need to contract some things out (I have a cleaner and have been known to buy meals from cook!). If you have a long commute try to work from hone if you can- I use my wfh day to try to do some washing and food prep in the time i’m not travelling. So far as the money is concerned think of it as a loss leader- childcare costs decrease once they hit 3 and more when at school and even if you’re not making much after childcare, you will be in a much better position financially if you stay in work. Also you should only deduct half the childcare costs as it is a joint expense. Having said that I also think you need to be doing a manageable amount of work (I have considered reducing my hours further), have a sympathetic and flexible boss who doesn’t value presenteeism and also share the childcare and housework with a partner to have a shot at making it work.

I could have written your post OP! 15 month old son and I work 4.5 days a week and feel an exhausted mess by the time I'm alone in my car after dropping him off at the childminder. This morning we had a poo-explosion which resulted in us BOTH having to get in the shower to deal with it. Gross. I chugged down my cold coffee afterwards and forgot my breakfast. I realised as I got ourselves in the car that my nice "clean" work dress was splattered with toothpaste, snot and shreddies. I am just grateful that he's fascinated by my make-up bag and will usually sit looking at each thing in there while I quickly slap some on my face.

And don't talk to me about evenings! My husband does pick up and dinner as he's home earlier, but I get in at 6.30pm, throw my bag down and do bath and bedtime by 7pm so I at least get some evening time with him. Then it's housework while DH makes our dinner, I pack his bag for childminder the next day, cleaning his lunch box and prepping tomorrow's lunch. I usually sit down by 8pm.

But it WILL get easier. Hang on in there! Another mum came rushing out the childminder's house when I arrived after her drop off this morning, adjusting her shirt, jogging to her car and looking very flustered and it felt so good to know it's not just me.

**I found it really hard when I went back after maternity leave, like you I was only working 3 mornings a week, I spent nearly all Monday morning reading memos & emails & catching up on what had happened Thursday & Friday the previous week, then 2 mornings to actually do some work & last thing on wednesday making sure everything was either finished or ready for someone else to pick up for the rest of the week. I was also training for a new job & found it really hard to absorb all the new stuff because I didnt get enough time to practice what I had learned.

^^And so many people on MN are raging when their employers won’t give them part time hours after mat leave...in many cases this is why!! Nothing against part time workers, I’m one myself, but it really irritates me when people act like being given part time hours is an automatic right and that their employer is awful for not allowing it. In many cases it’s highly inefficient and bad for business.

If I'm honest, I'd love to work days.

I have a one year old and a two year old all day every day (and do majority of the housework) and then work evenings. I feel like there literally is no let up

Hang in there. Working when your child is young is 1. an investment in yourself / your career and 2. Teaching your child about working. Both are very precious and very important. Yes it is hard work but I promise you it’s worth it.

I find being at work way harder than going to work. And my jobs stressful.

And sorry but it doesn't get easier with school. Then there's the fun of juggling school events into everything.

For me it was a case of the grass is always greener. I have very recently transitioned from full time 12 hour shifts to being at home and I'm not finding the transition easy. Nursery was so good for my clingy little boy and I miss it so much. I miss using my brain and my qualifications.
Obviously there are massive benefits, we have no alarm clocks and rush for nothing, if we want to do something later on we do. My husband works crazy hours now and my little boy needs my flexibility.

I was a stay at home mum and 3 dc in 2.5 years, I genuinely admire career woman who can do this manic lifestyle it just never seemed worth it to us.

And yet your DH, the other half of that 'us', never considered giving up the ratrace?

When you are in a happy, balanced, equal relationship you don't tend to look at things this way.

In my experience, 'happy, balanced, equal relationships' are that way because of roughly equal commitment on the part of both partners to providing for and looking after your children.

I did 2 days at that point which was a better / easier balance for us.

@ScottishDiblet

I doubt a baby or young child will understand the value of working.

Just because we live in a time when it is perfectly normal and accepted for women to work just as much if not more then men it doesn't mean they have to. Everyone's family is different and I personally put more value on being around more and not having a stressful atmosphere at home while they are so young. There is plenty of time to teach them the importance of working.

In my experience, 'happy, balanced, equal relationships' are that way because of roughly equal commitment on the part of both partners to providing for and looking after your children.*

Not for me. We both provide for and look after our children in different ways. We made the decision together to live on one wage for a few years and have one parent stay with the kids. Works for us.

It is really hard to juggle and I seemed to do it for almost nothing after nursery and travel costs were paid however I looked at it as a bit of an insurance policy. If I continued to work even part time and something happened to my DH’s job then at least I was working/could go back full time/get another job having demonstrated `I was already juggling things. We live in very uncertain times and having only one person working is quite a gamble. I found things hardest once I had one at school and one at nursery and ended up cutting down my days then because it was all too difficult to juggle school hours and school hols plus paying a fortune for one in nursery. Be kind to yourself and hopefully things will get easier.

Oh this thread has me worried. I'm a single mum and wanting to go back to work full-time (been a SAHM for 6 years in December) and their dad is really involved (sees them 5 days out of 7 which includes two overnights). I can't get a part-time job, I've tried so bloody hard.

My kids are 6, 4 and 3 though and I have a dog, I'm worried I will burn out. :(

Aww it is hard juggling everything, do what makes you happiest because happy mummy = happy baby.

it's hard when they're young and it's hard when they have SEND too, even once they're finally at school. It's a continually whirl of meetings, plans, parenting courses, hospital appointments, form-filling, informal "these were the 100 things he struggled with today" chats with the teacher. And then just keeping him happy/clean/non-violent for more than 5 mins at a time once he's home.

I'm trying to set up my own business from home, but honestly i'm struggling to find even 3 hrs in the day whilst he's at school. I could probably find 5 if i was unconcerned about living in the kind of mess SS remove children from. I'm also a single parent with two other dcs. Rock. Hard place.

No, I didn’t got back for exactly the reasons you stated. I’m lucky enough to be in a pretty badly paid career (when compared with childcare costs near me). It made it an easy decision. It’s not for everyone but I love it. You don’t have to do both at all. You do what works for you and your family. Before I had my daughter I never even considered I could not go back. Then I read old mumsnet favourite Oliver James and it totally flipped me.