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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think working when you have a young child is really hard?

151 replies

BumbleBee1212 · 19/09/2019 12:28

Just that really, and I only do 3 days a week!

Mornings are hell. DD (15 months), clings to my leg screaming while I try to get ready and out the door. I have no choice but to do hair/ make up and get stuff done which she absolutely hates.

Work is manic because I’ve fit everything into 3 days, I never really have time for a lunch break and I have to rush to nursery straight away to collect DD then get everything done in one hour before bed.

On my days off she’s hard work but I can clean/ cook/ rest while she naps, fit the day around her etc.

Everyone said how important it is to do both but honestly, I talk to more adults when I’m off work and at toddler groups.

How does everyone else manage? Being a SAHM is tempting right now as I only make an extra £400 or so anyway after childcare!

OP posts:
Cedar03 · 19/09/2019 13:18

Did you go from full time to three days a week after maternity leave? If you did you shouldn't be trying to do a full time job in those hours because you no longer work full time. Perhaps have a review with your manager. In my experience of doing the same thing I found that I had a lot less time in the office for a chat than I'd had pre children. Often just had to come in and put my head down and get on with it.

On the plus side I've stayed with a flexible employer who had allowed me to go home/work from home at short notice to deal with sickness/attend school events, etc. I wasn't making much money when I first went back but I was still earning and it helped to cover emergencies like the boiler needing repairing, and to pay for holidays. Also was keeping up my National Insurance and pension contributions which is dull but quite important.

maddening · 19/09/2019 13:21

Me and dh work ft, the best thing I did was to hire a cleaner, by outsourcing something it has made my life much better.

Original poster
BumbleBee1212 · 19/09/2019 13:21

In just about all workplaces the default worker is male without dependants, it's shit

To be fair I am very lucky and my workplace is amazing for work/ life balance- they’ve been more than accommodating. My line manager is a Mum too and works 4 days a week. I still find my 3 days hard though!

I think it would be awful if you have a crappy workplace- flexible working is the way all businesses need to go as keeping staff long term is definitely the key to success.

OP posts:
Grobagsforever · 19/09/2019 13:24

Hard yes. Harder than being financially reliant on a man? No, absolutely not.

ethelfleda · 19/09/2019 13:24

It’s hard but it does get easier. How long have you been back at work since mat leave?
DS is nearly two now and happily plays by himself while I get ready - when he was that age he would cling to me too.
I have a cleaner though - and I can work from home during the week when DS is at nursery... and DH doesn’t leave the house until 8am and is back by 6pm so we usually can tag team it.

Back when DS was in the clingy phase we just had easy dinners as well. Think fresh soup (shop bought) and a sandwich or chuck some smoked mackerel on a plate with couscous and tomatoes (all shop bought and ready to eat)
Now he is older, he will sit and watch TV or something for half an hour so I can cook better meals.
It does get easier Smile Flowers

blackcat86 · 19/09/2019 13:25

The only thing I've found works is getting up early to get ready before DD wakes. It means getting up at 5am on my work days but is worth it to get out the door on time - DH gets up at the same time but faffs so in practice it's me getting DD ready

BrokenLogs · 19/09/2019 13:26

I spent 8 years working for an amazing manager where flexibility was the norm and no bother. So I thought working ft with 2 DC and no support (family in Aus) was easy.

I've now returned to Aus where they don't really like true flexibility (1 day WFH is all most offer), have my parents around to help and feel like it's too much and am tempted to jack it all in for a while.

I won't, only because I worked too hard to keep my career going but I'm really struggling with it. Dd2 (4) is an absolute nightmare in the mornings and evenings and dd1 (9) needs to be asked fifty trillion times to do something before it registers with her. Unless I lose my shit, then everyone gets it 🤦

ethelfleda · 19/09/2019 13:26

Embrace the nursery years OP! it's so much harder when they start school!

May I ask why? Surely, OPs child won’t be clinging to her legs once they turn 5?

ethelfleda · 19/09/2019 13:28

Do you give her breakfast before she goes? I’ve been known to put my make up on at the dining room table while DS is strapped in to his high chair eating his food Smile

Benes · 19/09/2019 13:30

Nurseries tend to be open for longer hours and all year round. They also feed your child breakfast, lunch and sometimes tea.

When they start school you also have arrange wrap around care, childcare in holidays plus there is always something to remember....PE kit, home learning etc.

Original poster
BumbleBee1212 · 19/09/2019 13:30

Thank you @ethelfleda I have been back since June now. I hope it is just a phase but it’s hard to see light at the end of the tunnel right now.

@Cedar03 I work in a more client based role rather than having a workload. I’m more busy than before due to business demand but it can’t be changed unfortunately. When I was full time I would have more spare time for paperwork or just to chat with colleagues and have lunch/ a coffee!

OP posts:
Original poster
BumbleBee1212 · 19/09/2019 13:32

DD has breakfast about 6 as she goes wild if she’s hungry. She wouldn’t be able to wait till 8! Nursery don’t do food so we have to do a packed lunch for her. It’s not too much bother but does create a bit of extra work in the evenings.

OP posts:
Frangible · 19/09/2019 13:32

Hard yes. Harder than being financially reliant on a man? No, absolutely not.

This. And actually, I hated maternity leave. Being at home all day with a small child is way worse than the alternatives, for me.

ScatteredMama82 · 19/09/2019 13:33

Totally get what you are saying OP. It's bloody hard. My youngest has just started reception so it is getting easier, but there's still so much to be done. My DH works away mon-fri too so it's all on me really. I work 2 days in the office and do 2 school-hours days from home. It's a good balance, and means I can do most of the school runs (I use a CM on the 2 days I'm in the office 9-5). Hats off to all of us, working mums and SAHM. Neither option is easy! xx

Original poster
BumbleBee1212 · 19/09/2019 13:33

Hard yes. Harder than being financially reliant on a man? No, absolutely not.

Hmm honestly? It wouldn’t bother me at all to be financially reliant. I already am as he earns several times what I do.

OP posts:
DelurkingAJ · 19/09/2019 13:33

This is one of the reasons I’ve always been FT. That way at least work is a fairly even playing field. The trick is to outsource (our CM feeds DC dinner, phew!) and to have a DH who will stand up for himself if he needs time off for DC. DH’s employer has been surprised at times but in the end they’ve rolled over as they know it’s sexist not to!

daisypond · 19/09/2019 13:34

I assumed from your first post that you didn’t have a DH around to help out, but now I see you have. It you have flexible working and only do three days a week and are considering a cleaner and only have one child... Having a child is a shock to the system but you are in a very fortunate position indeed.

megletthesecond · 19/09/2019 13:34

Tbh, working as a parent is really hard. Mine are 12 and 11 and it's still awful Hmm.
They don't get sick as much now though. The first few years were constant illness for all of us.

Starlive23 · 19/09/2019 13:34

All I can say is agree with you wholeheartedly. It's really hard. I'm the same as you, work 3 days and I find it just a struggle really to do both. My MIL constantly tells me how selfish I am for not being a SAHM like she was in the 80s, but she can't seem to see that the world has changed and most people can't live on one wage...it's shit!

alieninvasion · 19/09/2019 13:35

Embrace the nursery years OP! it's so much harder when they start school!

Why is it harder when they're in school?

Golightly133 · 19/09/2019 13:35

I was a stay at home mum and 3 dc in 2.5 years, I genuinely admire career woman who can do this manic lifestyle it just never seemed worth it to us.

Iminagony · 19/09/2019 13:36

Yes it's very hard. It doesn't get any easier when they're at school.

I dream of giving my notice and finding a work from home job. Would make my life so much easier. I wouldn't like to (& couldn't) be financially dependent on dh to be a sahm though.

In his words I have to "contribute to society". Which would be so much easier if my (invisible) disabilities weren't affecting my ability to work so much.

Golightly133 · 19/09/2019 13:36

School years are harder because of the hours and the holidays

walkintheparc · 19/09/2019 13:36

I don't think anyone else manages! I think we all just plod along one day at a time!

checkeredredshorts · 19/09/2019 13:36

Hard yes. Harder than being financially reliant on a man? No, absolutely not.

When you are in a happy, balanced, equal relationship you don't tend to look at things this way.

I own 50% of the house my name is on the mortgage. We are married too.

Ok at the moment I do rely on my husband financially he shares his wage equally with me supports us all 100%. All money and accounts are accessible to both of us.

He works but I do everything else so he also relies on me for a lot of things he would be lost without me for. It's about give and take and supporting each other in different ways to make our lives easier and more enjoyable.

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