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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

dad left little girl in resturant

242 replies

orangehead · 10/08/2007 16:22

recently eating out in pub/resturant, table next to me a guy with son about 2 and little girl in high chair about 10 months roughly. boy declared he neede loo and started to pull down pants so dad dashed him to loo and left girl. BTW loo on opposite side of pub and around two corners the dad was gone at least 5 mins the whole time the little girl was screaming obviously thought she had been left. I do understand difficult situation, I also have small age gap with my kids and had many similar situations where wished either someone else was there or I could just deal with the one child at time but not been possible so just dashed the 2 out. Anyway me and my dp were horrifed this guy left the girl. What do u think?

OP posts:
ELF1981 · 10/08/2007 23:50

I am not disputing that things shouldn't be said, I know some shocking fathers, I know some equally shocking mothers.

But in relatity, the OP saw a glimpse of this families life. He could be the most perfect father most of the time, but it seems that a few people are happy to jump on him for doing something he thought was right at the time.

unknownrebelbang · 10/08/2007 23:51

You may well have a point HMC.

But then again, so might we.

We don't know do we? It's one tiny snapshot of a bloke and his two children (assumptions made even there).

Could have been a doting uncle?

handlemecarefully · 10/08/2007 23:53

pointydog - I have said - I don't think the scenario itself was overtly serious. Not at all.

But I do think it is possibly symptomatic of the fact that the man concerned (God love him, I am sure he goes to Church and pays his taxes) may lack an effective coping mechanism / decision making ability when it comes to his small children.

And as I have said, as the wife of an essentially lovely dh who is a doting dad (but totally friggin clueless) by default it puts quite a strain on his dp / dw. Hence my strength of feeling.

I feel more sympathy with the mother (who wasn't present in this scenario). Because she needs to know that her dh is capable...

ScottishMummy · 10/08/2007 23:54

capable?yes he sounds like top dad to me - end of

ELF1981 · 10/08/2007 23:55

Take this as an example:

You see a woman getting into a car, her husband driving, and the woman is holding their baby, both in the same seatbelt.

You all would probably jump about it, but you would have seen two minutes out of my life, when DD vomited so violently, the car seat adn the back of the car was full of vomit, and when DD vomits when poorly she kind of goes into shock, so my only logical (albiet knowing that it was dangerous) solution was to take her the rest of the two minute car journey up the road in my arms.

handlemecarefully · 10/08/2007 23:55

Anyway - have enjoyed the debate (with a modicum of alcohol fuelled frustration tbh) - but must go to bed now. Up at 04.30

Night

soapbox · 10/08/2007 23:56

HMC - I can't agree that there is a wide spread malady regarding men who display poor judgement. Some people do some of the time, imo. Very few people exhibit poor judgement all of the time and I have no reason to believe men are any more prone to it than women.

I frankly find the whole business of infanticising men, writing them off as useless, incapabable, lacking in judgement etc., incredibly tiresome! Men are not incapable of looking after children in a responsible manner in my experience. All of the fathers that I know are fully involved in their children's lives - I genuinely can't think of any of them who would are not capable of caring for their own children.

Anyway, back to the OP! As far as this situation is concerned then I would say that I have been in exactly that situation with a 24month old toliet training and 4month old baby - for the life of me I can't remember what I used to do, but strongly suspect I would have smiled sweetly over my departing shoulder at the person at the next table asking them to keep an eye on baby for me for a couple of secs I really can't get worked up about what this bloke decided to do - all he forgot was the backward smile and a mumbled request for help!

pointydog · 10/08/2007 23:58

I think his coping mechanism was ok and that it doesn't matter if he's a bit fumbling and there'a good chance his partner is happy enough with him getting by.

But then I'm more in the avoid-unnecessary-stress camp

handlemecarefully · 11/08/2007 00:01

Ok I concede - there's a brick wall over there, and here is my head. I'll just go bang one against the other

handlemecarefully · 11/08/2007 00:12

Sorry I can't let it lie. I know I am being annoying

But: "Poor bloke. I bet there's not a lot of dads who would even DREAM of taking 2 children of that age out. Hope he doesn't get a rollicking from his wife. "

Sorry to pick on your post wheresthehamster, but it did rather get me going. I think this sentiment is perhaps subconsciously behind the reaction of many posters to the scenario described by orangehead [manages to piss a good many mumsnetters off with this theory].

All I can say is thank god most mums do dream of taking 2 children that age out!

pointydog · 11/08/2007 00:16

ah well, I agree with you that that attitude is patronising and irritating

ELF1981 · 11/08/2007 00:16

But if it were my husband, though I wouldn't ve overly impressed, I wouldn't give him a rolloking. as I said, it was 5 mins obs of a family who have perhaps been together for years, a snap shot, and bit unfair to write him off as useless based on one incident.

Skribble · 11/08/2007 00:17

I remember trying to take out two kids that age to eat its a nightmare. You are snookered if they need the loo mid meal, take them to the loo and in some places you come back and waitress cleared your table.

He probably though DS wouldn't take long, when he realises DS taking too long what does he do leave DS in the mens loo by himself. I guess he decided in that second that one of the nice ladies at a nearby table would keep an eye and that DD would be quite happy.

Nice that he had them out for a meal, perhaps he doesn't get to do it a lot and didn't forsee all the problems that can arise. FGS my DH can take them out all day and forget to feed them.

Aitch · 11/08/2007 00:24

i'm really not understanding this, though. even if he was utterly useless, nothing bad happened. i'm still not clear on why the OP couldn just have picked up the baby to be helpful?

Skribble · 11/08/2007 00:27

I would have bollocked DH too, but I suppose he could bollock me for a lot of daft things I have done he doesn't know about.

motherinferior · 11/08/2007 11:13

I'm with Aitch. I really don't think people leap up and shout YOU ARE ABDUCTING THAT CHILD as you give it, as she vividly puts it, a shoogle.

(I found a small girl wandering about in a play are recently, clearly lost, and held her hand and helped her work out where her parents were (OUTSIDE the play area, apparently unbothered as they picnicked - god I thought I was slack, but she was tiny, not madly verbal yet). She had red hair, like me, so some people would have thought I was her mum...but others would have thought I was trying to walk off with her (frankly her slack parents might have thought that too). But it was important. And I'm not a madly nice or caring person, it was just important that someone took care of her before she wandered off completely.)

sandcastles · 11/08/2007 11:20

OGS...Dad decides to take 2 kiddies out to give mum a rest & no one helps him when he has an unforseen emergency (OK, exagerated, but still). I think I would have chatted to the girl & tried to calm her down somehow...

We are quick to moan at dads who do , they can't win, can they!

belgo · 11/08/2007 13:03

I wonder what people's responses on this thread would be if the parent in the restaurant was a mother, not a father?

Just a thought.

Aitch · 11/08/2007 13:11

just for the record, if it were a woman i would think 'that poor cow has her hands full, i think i'll see if i can help because god knows That's What I'd Want Someone To Do If It Were Me Struggling' rather than 'i must post a thread on MN'.

tearsndtantrums · 11/08/2007 13:29

i think good on him for taking the kids out.
he was put in an akward position and needed to act fast. he took a calculated risk.

fiddlemama · 11/08/2007 13:57

"Shoogle" what a simply lush word! Official definition please Aitch?

Aitch · 11/08/2007 14:09

a wee jiggle up and down or from side to side... [scottish]

fiddlemama · 11/08/2007 14:13

Oh dear I'm not Scottish . Can I use it anyway pretty please?

Aitch · 11/08/2007 14:13

or shoogly, meaning unstable.

'we were unfortunate anough to be seated at a shoogly table' or 'dd has a shoogly tooth, i hope it falls out soon as it's driving me crackers'

Aitch · 11/08/2007 14:13

but of course...