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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

dad left little girl in resturant

242 replies

orangehead · 10/08/2007 16:22

recently eating out in pub/resturant, table next to me a guy with son about 2 and little girl in high chair about 10 months roughly. boy declared he neede loo and started to pull down pants so dad dashed him to loo and left girl. BTW loo on opposite side of pub and around two corners the dad was gone at least 5 mins the whole time the little girl was screaming obviously thought she had been left. I do understand difficult situation, I also have small age gap with my kids and had many similar situations where wished either someone else was there or I could just deal with the one child at time but not been possible so just dashed the 2 out. Anyway me and my dp were horrifed this guy left the girl. What do u think?

OP posts:
Flibbertyjibbet · 10/08/2007 16:50

My dp would probably have done the same thing - and he is the best dad ever. He just can't do some of the multi-functional, several pairs of eyes in the back of the head type activities like taking 2 kids into a loo in the rush needed when one is potty training.
I would have grabbed the baby as well and hotfooted to the loos for several moments of hell.

motherinferior · 10/08/2007 16:53

Bad call but understandable. But frankly I'd have gone across to play with the little girl. I think your partner was wrong - did he think people would think you were going to abduct her?

Fennel · 10/08/2007 16:57

I'm sure I've done this sort of thing on various occasions, and DP even more so. It's not just inexperience of looking arter more than one child. Sometimes a child will just insist on taking hours in the loo and you're stuck not knowing whether to wait with them or dash back to the other child.

dazedandconfunded · 10/08/2007 17:38

Sending your children across to talk to her was the perfect action.

HonoriaGlossop · 10/08/2007 17:46

I feel understandable in his hurry. Also i think I am surprised that in a family place no-one got up and went to sit with the girl, or as you just said dazed, send a child or two over to try and jolly her along.

You'd all seen his predicament and that he was trying to avoid pee all over the floor/his toddler, so his reason for leaving her was clear. I think it would have been more child friendly for others to have tried to jolly her along a bit.

I once saw a dad leave his child, around two, in a soft play place and mooch along, whistling, to the gents loo, where he stayed for at least ten minutes. That made me more angry than this situation. The guy I saw SHOULD have taken his son with him, and the loo trip was for himself and he was clearly not desperate!

This chap's situation is much more understandable.

iliketosleep · 10/08/2007 22:35

I dont even leave my kids in a locked and alarmed car in the car park right outside the shop while i run in for a bottle of milk!!!!!

janestillhere · 10/08/2007 22:52

I once left my ds aged 5 months in a bookshop with the bookshop owner so I could nip to the cash machine!!!!!!!
The book I wanted was an Xmas gift for my dd and the shop didn't take switch. The nice lady in the shop said 'You can leave the baby here if you like' and I said 'OK, and off I went!!!!
I am truly horrified when I look back what could have happened, and can only plead either PND or SNMS (stupid new mum syndrome)

He was still there, thank God, when I returned.

ScottishMummy · 10/08/2007 22:52

in answer to OP - Gawd empathy check please!!!! poor man he wasn his own and struggling..i am not horrified he left child he made a judgment call - hard havin 2 kids in a loo

iliketosleep · 10/08/2007 23:02

but what if someone tried to snatch her? yes there were people in the pub but even someone "trying" would give me nightmares for the rest of my life!! maybe im just to over protective

handlemecarefully · 10/08/2007 23:03

Think that the chap sounds like my dh - bloody clueless. He ought to have unstrapped her and taken her with him. Obviously she would be unsettled at being left

ScottishMummy · 10/08/2007 23:04

and did any concerned bystanders inc OP offer to watch his other child - poor man such a difficult situation

ScottishMummy · 10/08/2007 23:07

Bloody clueless how???? Unnecessary Judgmental comment imo - if other peeps were so bothrerd they could have helped out - i would

handlemecarefully · 10/08/2007 23:08

Have read some of the thread now. Am surprised at empathy with the dad. It's not rocket science. Simple judgement call. The dad made stupid decision. I hope he does get a bollocking from his wife. I know I gave my dh a bit of a going over when he did something similar [i am terribly reasonable and understanding emoticon]

Aitch · 10/08/2007 23:08

but why couldn't you just have gone over and unstrapped the wee girl and given her a shoogle and a shush? i really don't understand... poor bloke.

handlemecarefully · 10/08/2007 23:09

How is it a difficult decision ScottishMummy? It's terribly simple as far as I am concerned. Unstrap baby, take her with you

Am I missing something?

ahundredtimes · 10/08/2007 23:10

I left ds2 at a leisure centre in the Isle of Wight once. Oh and I left him in the loos on the ferry on the way back too.

I haven't read this thread? Should I? lol

handlemecarefully · 10/08/2007 23:11

Incidentally agree that if I had been a bystander i would have comforted small wee girl. Nevertheless still think the dad made silly decision. Why are men cut more slack than women?

ScottishMummy · 10/08/2007 23:12

i empathise with dad completely - stressful situation he made a call - we are all human

ELF1981 · 10/08/2007 23:12

I regularly go and talk to children I dont know and nobody looks at me oddly, so I would have gone to look after the child until the father arrived back.

Not the best solution for him to do, but a damned if you do, damned if you dont situation. No doubt if he'd struggled with both kids across the room and the little boy had an accident, people would be muttering "should stay at home with kids, peeing all over the floor, tut"!

Though I agree, nice idea to get your children to go to the little girl the man was probably really grateful (as any parent would be)

ScottishMummy · 10/08/2007 23:14

male or female same empathy- no gender assignations - just empathy for a bloody difficult situation - end of

handlemecarefully · 10/08/2007 23:14

Still wondering what your response would be if it was mum who had done this.

Naturally you will all say that you would feel the same, but I suspect not

unknownrebelbang · 10/08/2007 23:15

Can see why he did it, tbh.

By the time he'd unstrapped the baby, sounds like the toddler would have wet himself (no big deal for dad, but may be upsetting for the toddler). Plus when he got to the loo, the toddler may well have needed help with his trousers, either pulling down or back up again after. Where exactly do you put a baby down in the loo?

Not saying that's the right thing to do of course, but can see the logic.

ELF1981 · 10/08/2007 23:16

HMC - I'm not saying I would have done what the father did because I'm very fussy about my daughter, but then she is a PFB and I cant say what I would do if I had two but I wouldn't agree/disagree more if he had been a woman.

Aitch · 10/08/2007 23:17

well tbh a woman would probably have had the sense to shout to another woman 'gawd, please keep an eye on the baby, will you?' as she was swept off. face it, women are better than men at these sorts of crises. we're multi-taskers by nature.

handlemecarefully · 10/08/2007 23:17

But why is it a difficult situation Scottishmummy? I'm not being argumentative - just genuinely curious? I have this sort of situation regularly and don't find it overtly taxing to sort out.

I'm not a uber mummy - far from. It just common sense - no?

I pity his wife.

He sounds like my dh. I won't leave my children in his sole charge because he has makes so many mistakes with them (like not holding ds' hand on escalator, hence ds fell down moving escalator)