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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Who is in the wrong here?

302 replies

IceAndASlice123 · 17/09/2019 18:57

Ella regularly babysits for Mark and is always paid for 3 hours work.
Yesterday, Marks adult brother, Tony, was at home. Mark told Ella she could leave the child with Tony if it went past her finish time.
About an hour in, Tony says he will take over the childcare from Ella. Ella says she can stay until her finish time but Tony insists.
Ella takes the money for the full shift despite only doing under half of it (Money is left in the kitchen ).
Who is in the wrong here? Should Mark be annoyed?

OP posts:
CrazyToast · 17/09/2019 20:15

No way, Ella was booked for 3 hours work and counted on the money. It is unreasonable to just take that work and money away on the day. Ella should have taken the full amount and Mark should not be annoyed.

CarolDanvers · 17/09/2019 20:17

So Ella's time is worth nothing and she shouldn't be paid for it?

Those saying she should pay it back can you look at my post comparing it to issues I had when dog walking and tell me if I should have been paid when cancelled at the last minute?

Catforaheadrest · 17/09/2019 20:17

As a young-un, I would've only taken half the money, but young-me was a DOORMAT

For every unappreciated worker, please don't give money back.

SchadenfreudePersonified · 17/09/2019 20:19

Yet it seems 50/50 as I know some would have given some of the money back.

No-one says you ought to have taken only the money for the time you were actually there; two or three people said that that's what they would have done, but that you were entitled and morally right to take the whole amount. Some people may not have taken the full amount, but that would be their choice - not their obligation.

DH and I have come back early from nights out for various reasons, but still paid the babysitter in full because that is what we had asked for, what she had expected to provide and what she would have provided had we not chosen to return.

Don't undersell yourself. You put that time aside for this babysitting job, and you are entitled to be paid the full amount - would Mark go home unpaid from work if his boss said he didn't need him one day? Would he buggery! He'd still expect to be paid because it wasn't his choice not to work.

As someone else said - Mark will need you before you need him.

timeisnotaline · 17/09/2019 20:20

Message sounds good but please add- in the interest of avoiding any future misunderstanding, I don’t take bookings for less than 3 hours. I could be out with friends instead and any less than 3 hours is not worth my time, I think that’s a reasonable approach.

Or make it 2 hours if you are definitely ok with a 2 hour booking, but what you are doing is conveying politely I’m a good babysitter for your child and will be treated with respect.

MrsTishellsNeckBrace · 17/09/2019 20:23

You set aside the time to meet your obligations if Mark is seeking recompense he needs to seek it from Tony not you, as he insisted you leave early.

fedup21 · 17/09/2019 20:24

I wouldn’t be babysitting for Mark again!
He’s lost out on a reliable regular sitter.

Drum2018 · 17/09/2019 20:25

Those saying she should pay it back can you look at my post comparing it to issues I had when dog walking and tell me if I should have been paid when cancelled at the last minute?

This is not the same though as Mark didn't cancel Ella - he was expecting her to do the work and was paying accordingly. If he had said to leave the child with Tony when Tony arrived it would be one thing, but he said to leave the child with Tony if he wasn't home by Ella's finishing time.

Babybel90 · 17/09/2019 20:28

As others have said as far as Mark knows you may have turned down other paid work to be there for those three hours so you are entitled to three hours pay. If Tony insisted that you leave and you knew that Mark was happy for Tony to be left alone with the child so you had no concerns, in this situation unless you wanted to make things very awkward you didn’t have much choice but to leave, and I doubt you would have taken a job where you’d be left in a house with an adult who’s instructions you were expected to defy.

Mark is in the wrong and unless you desperately need the money I wouldn’t work for him again.

CarolDanvers · 17/09/2019 20:29

So if another member of the family cancels my walk when I arrive and not the person I usually deal with then I shouldn't not expect to be paid for my time then?

This is not the same

It's exactly the same.

Soontobe60 · 17/09/2019 20:30

If Mark were paying for a nursery place but only dropped his child off a couple of hours after opening, and picked it up a coup,emof hours earlier, he would still be billed for the full day.

OP, message him and explain that you're surprised he's annoyed, as he booked you for 3 hours therefore you expected to be paid for that amount of time. Point out that for future reference, you would expect to be paid for the time you are booked.

Cherrysoup · 17/09/2019 20:36

I think I’d give half the money back with a note saying I no longer want to babysit given how uncomfortable I was made to feel thanks to Tony insisting and not knowing where I stood.

ThatCurlyGirl · 17/09/2019 20:37

Ah your text was perfect OP, well done. Hope he replies nicely Thanks

MollyButton · 17/09/2019 20:41

Mark is in the wrong!
If I booked you for 4 hours, but came home after 1 hour as I was feeling ill - I would still pay you for 4. That is fair.

AryaStarkWolf · 17/09/2019 20:42

No one is on the wrong, Ella was prepared to stay the 3 hours but Tony told her to go, is Mark annoyed? He shouldn't be

Juells · 17/09/2019 20:43

I'd give him half the money back and tell him to go fuck himself and find another babysitter. But I have a short fuse...

Original poster
IceAndASlice123 · 17/09/2019 20:44

I couldn't really be expected to stay if Tony and his friend were going to play mindcraft with the child.
I insisted but there was little more I could do. I don't think the kid needs three grown adults with him.
I feel anxious about not checking with Mark first but Tony is family and not just a random person.
The money side, deep down I know it was ok to take but feeling anxious about that now too.
No reply to my text. I don't feel guilty as shouldn't have been put in that position but I do feel very anxious about it all.

OP posts:
BlueJava · 17/09/2019 20:46

Ella was booked to baby sit for 3 hours and should be paid. If I booked baby sitter and came home early I'd still pay them!

AryaStarkWolf · 17/09/2019 20:47

Oh just read your updates, Mark is being an arsehole all for the sake of 2 hours? He'll regret it if he loses a good babysitter over an issue his brother caused

Rocketmanager · 17/09/2019 20:50

I feel very unsettled now. Don't want to be seen as an opportunist 😐
Stop giving a fuck. You’ve done nothing wrong . They are cf messaging you about it.

INeedAFlerken · 17/09/2019 20:51

Mark is being an arsehole: you were booked for 3 hours, you said you were happy to stay for the 3 hours, the other grown up at the house insisted you leave and that he would take over after 1.5 hours. Of course you should have been paid for the full time you were booked for.

Mark owed you and apology, else I would think twice about babysitting for him again.

You have done nothing wrong.

Rocketmanager · 17/09/2019 20:52

In fact @JuellsI says it better than me I’d give him half the money back and tell him to go fuck himself and find another babysitter. But I have a short fuse...

Ginger1982 · 17/09/2019 20:55

How old are you Ella?

cushioncovers · 17/09/2019 20:55

Ella is in the right. She had allotted 3 hours to babysit. tony old her to go home, she said she would stay and honour her arranged commitment. Tony insisted on sending Ella home early. Ella was entitled to her full 3 hours pay.

Stompythedinosaur · 17/09/2019 20:56

I think your text is good and will make your situation clear.

You absolutely should not give the money back.