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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Would you help your DC if..

116 replies

gc400 · 16/09/2019 20:05

You knew they'd been through some difficult circumstances this month and were really struggling for money until they get paid at the end of the month.

You've recently received an inheritance and have already got savings in the bank.

AIBU or would you offer to help? I'm not talking a substantial amount of money that's needed. Just a couple of hundred.

OP posts:
Shmithecat2 · 16/09/2019 20:07

Of course, why wouldn't you? Although I know there's quite few on mn that believe as soon as the baby is walking, they should be up a chimney somewhere in 1800s...

Original poster
gc400 · 16/09/2019 20:10

@Shmithecat2 My DM refuses to help. I've got just enough money for some formula for my baby and that's it Sad

OP posts:
GiveMeHope103 · 16/09/2019 20:11

Yes off course I would. You sound as if you are talking about a stranger or someone who you don't like.

Oldbluecarpet · 16/09/2019 20:11

Definitely

KyraLittle · 16/09/2019 20:11

Odd question. Of course I would. However ...

  • There is either a massive back story or
  • It’s a reverse
GiveMeHope103 · 16/09/2019 20:12

I'm sorry op. Just seen your update. That's really nasty of her. How could she refuse food for your baby.

Bookworm4 · 16/09/2019 20:13

She sounds a delight, have you asked for help before? Have you offered to repay?

GoodwithRocksandGems · 16/09/2019 20:13

Yes of course regards the money, plus I’d be over with some home cooked meals, cake and a shoulder to cry on if needed Flowers

formerbabe · 16/09/2019 20:13

Yes i definitely would but many mil don't.

Original poster
gc400 · 16/09/2019 20:14

There is no back story. Ive probably asked her for money once or twice, not significant amounts and I've always paid her back

OP posts:
TokenGinger · 16/09/2019 20:16

Well it depends on the situation.

My auntie has taken money from my grandparents' account over a period of months totalling thousands of pounds. Another auntie is always begging money from my grandparents then posting pictures of meals out, new nails, new hair etc on social media.

In those situations, I can see why they wouldn't lend the money.

If you otherwise have a good relationship with your parents, they are being unkind. But if there's a backstory, then that would sway the opinion.

Ginger1982 · 16/09/2019 20:28

I would help - yes. Unless you had pissed all your money away on drink and drugs then I can't understand a mother not helping.

Original poster
gc400 · 16/09/2019 20:28

I don't have any luxuries. I have the bare basics. There's no backstory, she just doesn't want to help and I have no one else to ask Sad

OP posts:
Original poster
gc400 · 16/09/2019 20:29

Also don't drink and have never taken drugs!

OP posts:
summersherewishiwasnt · 16/09/2019 20:31

She doesn’t trust you to pay her back or she cares not to see you struggle. Keep your distance.

KyraLittle · 16/09/2019 20:37

Please no one get sucked into this and offer this person money.

Original poster
gc400 · 16/09/2019 20:38

@KyraLittle I'm not asking for money. I was asking the thoughts of other parents.

I'm a genuine poster, have been here for a while.

OP posts:
allthegoodusernameshavegone · 16/09/2019 20:46

Do you really know her circumstances, does she have lots of debt/outgoings, is this inheritance a life saver for her? If you can’t afford formula, is family help the real issue or do you need help / assistance else where? Why can’t you afford these bare basics for your own baby?

ohtheholidays · 16/09/2019 20:51

That's really shit OP and I've been on the receiving end of that kind of parenting even though I'd always helped my parents out when times were better for me and I never asked them for the money back,yet when I was on my own with 4 young DC through no fault of my own they wouldn't help me.

I know it doesn't help make your mother any nicer but have a look online to see if there's any foodbanks near you,if not local churches usually have food available to those in need(alot of people don't know this)and you don't have to be of any religion or even have had to ever go to church to receive help from them.

Most probably things you've all ready thought of but do you have any points on any cards,necter,tesco,morrisons,Iceland that you can use towards some food?

Don't suffer in silence OP there is help out there it's just it can be hard to find sometimes.

I hope things start improving for you very soon.

Ginger1982 · 16/09/2019 20:55

Are you working or receiving benefits? Is your child's dad involved?

AlpacaGoodnight · 16/09/2019 21:01

That really is rubbish. Definitely look into food banks, there must be something in your area that can help Flowers

Frenchfancy · 16/09/2019 21:03

Have you asked or are you waiting for her to offer?? Just ask.

IfYouWannaComeBack · 16/09/2019 21:05

I would give my DC the world

ThePolishWombat · 16/09/2019 21:05

Of course I would if I could!!
My dad has done it for me more than once.

BarbariansMum · 16/09/2019 21:06

It would depend on whether I thought they were genuinely doing their best or whether they were a feckless chancer. But I'm probably in the minority because I do have a feckless chancer in my family. In most ordinary families I think.the answer would be yes, of course.

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