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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Would you help your DC if..

116 replies

gc400 · 16/09/2019 20:05

You knew they'd been through some difficult circumstances this month and were really struggling for money until they get paid at the end of the month.

You've recently received an inheritance and have already got savings in the bank.

AIBU or would you offer to help? I'm not talking a substantial amount of money that's needed. Just a couple of hundred.

OP posts:
kateandme · 17/09/2019 01:06

id miss my own ood for a week if it meant that my daughter and her dc were fed.or id be getting them round mine to share what i had!

NoIDontWatchLoveIsland · 17/09/2019 01:18

Must be a backstory here OP. Why are you struggling so much? Is the baby's father around? Are you working? Was the baby planned and could you afford it when you decided to have it?

1forAll74 · 17/09/2019 01:50

Yes I would most definitely help children, family,with money,or anything else really.

Rubbishtimeofnighttobeup · 17/09/2019 02:22

"It would depend on whether I thought they were genuinely doing their best or whether they were a feckless chancer."

True. One of my siblings is mid-30s, has a good job and has "borrowed" money from our parents nearly every month going back years. Doesn't return it either, even now they're retired. No drugs or loan sharks or anything - just never learned to manage money because the bank of Mum and Dad never dried up. Occasionally in cases of genuine emergency in fine, but a blanket attitude that you will never refuse your child financial help probably does nobody any favours in the long-run.

Graphista · 17/09/2019 02:23

Sorry you're struggling.

If you describe your situation more fully perhaps we can help you find more long term solutions than the food bank (though I appreciate that they're available to people for short term help just wish they weren't necessary in the first place)

nsldriver · 17/09/2019 02:53

Of course I would, whatever they needed I'd help if I could.

Durgasarrow · 17/09/2019 03:26

Something about the way the OP mentioned the inheritance is setting my teeth on edge. Just to be clear, the fact that the mother has recently received an inheritance should in no way be relevant to the fact that the daughter desires money. The daughter is not entitled to that money.

Mummyoflittledragon · 17/09/2019 04:02

My dd is still young. But no, I wouldn’t leave her hungry. I hope you get something sorted. Maybe approach your employer for an advance.

LoreleiRock · 17/09/2019 04:38

Yes. I would help either of my children. My mum would help my sibling but not me. Don’t actually care though because I won’t be wiping her arse any time soon.

Rtmhwales · 17/09/2019 04:58

I don't think OP is saying she's entitled to her DM's inheritance.. I think she was merely pointing out she knows her DM's financial position and that she isn't struggling, which would lend more understand to the OP of why her DM refused.

OP - have you asked her and she's refused or is she just not offering to help?

phenomenalcat · 17/09/2019 05:09

If you have a local children's centre contact them as well as they can do food bank referrals and will often help out with nappies etc.
Check your local council website to find out.

flumpybear · 17/09/2019 05:19

I would, my mum had in the past (dead now) but PIL are absolutely loaded and wouldn't even consider it, if DH asks for help they're reluctant - some people are just like that

Herocomplex · 17/09/2019 05:20

Would she feed you if you went round OP? Could you stay with her until you’re back on your feet? Or is it that she’s not willing to help at all?

Goodlookingcreature · 17/09/2019 06:56

to be honest the OP sounds so entitled, like it’s her right to be given the money. Bizarre vibe from the thread to be honest

Catapillarsruletheworld · 17/09/2019 07:04

Yes of course I would. I’d give them anything I could afford.

IceCreamAndCandyfloss · 17/09/2019 07:20

Given you’ve had to borrow money before and now have a child if your own to support maybe she’s staying out of it to ensure you step up this time not rely on others again.

NoSauce · 17/09/2019 07:22

Depends. First couple of times, yes. Repeatedly, no.

gobbynorthernbird · 17/09/2019 07:34

It completely depends on why they were skint.

Can I ask why you need a couple of hundred pounds? If I were to be borrowing money it would be for the bare basics of food and transport, and that surely can't be that much until the end of the month?

Monty27 · 17/09/2019 07:41

OP if you're doing a reverse remember you are.
It would take a lot for me to refuse of course. Why would you not want to help anyone in need let alone your own DC??

recklessruby · 17/09/2019 09:16

Of course I would. Both my dc work so i know they would pay me back.
I wouldn't see them struggling for food or basic things.
I also know I could borrow from them if need be.
We all get paid at different times but never let someone struggle.

HugoSpritz · 17/09/2019 09:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PumpkinP · 17/09/2019 09:32

I do think if it was just for the basics then you wouldn’t need a couple of hundred. Maybe she thinks you need to learn to budget better and that won’t happen if she’s always helping you out.

flamingjune123 · 17/09/2019 09:42

When my DD had a baby a few years ago she was in receipt of benefits for a while. She received tokens of some sort for baby milk / fruit and vegetables. Is this not still a thing
And to answer your question, if I think my DD is struggling more than usual I don't wait for her to ask, I put some money into her account

FeelBetterForIt · 17/09/2019 09:58

It would depend how much help I'd given previously. There comes a point when you have to be cruel to be kind and let them learn from their mistakes

PumpkinP · 17/09/2019 10:10

When my DD had a baby a few years ago she was in receipt of benefits for a while. She received tokens of some sort for baby milk / fruit and vegetables. Is this not still a thing

Yes healthy start vouchers are still around.

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