Would you help your DC if..

[gc400]

You knew they'd been through some difficult circumstances this month and were really struggling for money until they get paid at the end of the month.

You've recently received an inheritance and have already got savings in the bank.

AIBU or would you offer to help? I'm not talking a substantial amount of money that's needed. Just a couple of hundred.

I'd give my dcs my last penny. Always.

I'm sorry op, you deserve better.

@Beth3886 @ssd such lovely and kind people ❤️ god bless you.

I'm surprised people think there's some back story. Has no one opened a paper in the last 10 years and seen the severe benefits cuts or the wages stagnation for 20 years now?? There is ever increasing working poor in this country.

Op I hope your situation improves and your mum is out of order. All family should help each other.

These threads just show how out of touch so many are by the questions they ask.

Yes I would.

Some of the pp's on here are really pissing me off. Believe it or not some mothers (doesn't deserve the DM title) are not nice or even kind to their DC's. Some are nasty selfish and self serving, often those who demand precisely the opposite from their children. Some are mean and miserly and have an awful 'you owe me' attitude simply because they gave birth. As another pp said you don't ask to be born.

Sorry your M is a useless waste of space op. In your circumstances i would give my DC my last penny rather than see them go hungry. Please remember this day when she next tries to get you to do something for her or gets in touch. There is no shame in needing to go to a food bank, the people who contribute to them want to help out those in need. In this instance that is you and your lovely dc. Head up and things will get better. 💐

But some people have asked why you are in this position and what has caused it but you won’t answer that either? It might explain why your mother is not lending you the money if she thinks you’ve been irresponsible with money or whatever.

OP, I know it seems mean to ask questions about why you need a couple of hundred odd quid, and you’re totally entitled not to post about your baby’s father.

I suppose it’s just that without any context to why you need the money - a short-term issue with wages, or an unexpected bill, or rent that is higher than you can actually afford- then you won’t get anything helpful from this thread other than a load of people telling you your mum is wrong.

I guess if that’s all you want - validation- that’s OK. But MN has loads of people who can offer you great advice on all sorts of issues ... if they have the info from you.

You could get better help than just “seek a food bank referral”, basically.

Well it all depends doesn't it? If my DC has had an emergency or a first time f up of budgeting, of course I'll help. However if they just don't budget, buy stuff they don't need, drink their money etc then no, they need to learn the reality of life.

You won't say why you're a few hundred quid short, which makes me think it's probably poor money management rather than an emergency. And if you can't make ends meet already, borrowing money is only going to compound the issue.

I would give my DD everything BUT maybe I wouldn't if I thought she spent it on luxuries. But like PP I would buy food, utilities, etc. I also think a couple of hundred quid is a lot to see you through to the end of the month. It would help if we knew some of your circs (ignoring your DCs father). There are some very knowledgeable people who could help you so your not in this position again (also I think 3 times in 4 years is a lot when you have a child - does your DM think you have poor money management skills?).

By the way I have been on benefits were I could feed my DD but only ate 1 meal myself, I know exactly what hardship is, I didn't have a safety net so couldn't ask anyone and therefore budgeted to an inch of my life before anyone comes on saying I don't understand. This drove me to work when DD was 6 months old and work my way up through a large organisation. Things can change OP, but we could help more if you detailed your circs.

In general she is a cold and stand-offish person. Everyone in my family knows this

If you have an extended family who are aware that your DM is unsupportive, can you not approach them for help while things are so tough?

gc400
Being in this situation has made me want to work even harder to provide for my son. I never want to experience such hardship again.
........
I totally get that, gc. We were an extremely hard up family years ago, it was horrible. Then finances improved, thank goodness. Like you, I never want my dc to be in that position and will always help where necessary (and treat if I feel like it). What else would I do with my money, I can't take it with me when I die :-). As long as I have sufficient for my needs plus a bit more, and a decent roof over my head, I'm content.

@Ginger Parents aren't just supposed to be people to whom you run. They are people who raise you to become independent adults.

At the very least, I would take you to the supermarket and buy you enough to see you through.

As a parent, it’s my job to bring up my children to be independent but also to provide a safety net. If you can’t turn to tour parents when you’re in need of support be it practical, emotional or financial then that’s sad. That’s what my parents have given me and it’s what I will pass on. It’s not all a one way street - is that not what families should just do - support each other in difficult times and celebrate the good times? As long as no-one is taking the piss .

Whilst the obvious answer is yes- it's not that straight forward. It sounds like you're always going to struggle- this is t a temporary thing. She's never financially supported you, so why would you think/expect that she would do so now? Is there anything you can do, to start to earn more money? Do you have access to all the benefits you're allowed? Would working be an option? Would she may be provide (or would you trust her with) childcare to help that way? Can the father increase there hours working?

I wonder why the DM or DGM is the go to person for money. The parents of the DC should be providing. There is an amount of Bank of Mum going on generally as well as on this thread. There could be other DGPs for this child so why are they not being asked and then criticised on a public forum if they refused too.

She's asking her mother because that's the only mother she has. I would help my kids out anyway I can. I wouldn't criticise their "budgeting skills" but maybe sit down with them and help them work out a way forward. It's hard enough to have to ask someone for help. My own DM would give me the coat off her back if I needed it. And that's how I plan to be with my children. When your child and your child's baby needs some help you bloody help. I wish you all the luck OP maybe speak with the council about a crisis loan. You can get through this. Don't ask her again for anything the tables will turn, when she needs you in later years I hope for her sake she doesn't have to ask you for help.