DD has no time for homework!

[bluetictac]

Well not exactly...

DD2 (15 year old) is in Year 11 at school and she’s got her hobbies every night after school. She’s a competitive show jumper and rides almost everyday after school. She goes straight to the yard from school on the tube and that takes 30 mins to get there and another half an hour to get back. So one hour travelling, then she’s at the yard riding, helping people, chatting, doing horse care, having lessons, hacking etc. So she usually isn’t home until 6/6.30.

Then we have dinner and at the moment it’s fine as she can eat in her room and do her homework whilst she’s doing it because DH and I have jobs at the moment where we aren’t home until 7/8PM so we don’t all eat together as our other children don’t mind either, we are self employed/contracted work.

But when we do eat together we aren’t done with dinner until 7 and then she needs to revise, do homework, shower etc. School gives DD an average of 1.5/2 hours of homework per evening and then she usually tries to do 45mins/1 hour of revision to keep on top in subjects she struggles in. That’s almost 3 hours each night.

She isn’t done until 10PM usually and then she needs to read, unwind, shower etc so she’s not asleep until 11PM generally. Then she wakes up at 6AM and 7 hours isn’t really enough sleep for her. She’s exhausted throughout the day.

Any clue how we can help her manage her time better? We’ve spoken about doing more on weekends but she goes to the gym with her friends on Sat mornings and then we usually go out as a family in the afternoon as it’s the only time we have together all week. On Sundays we either relax at home and take it in turns to take the younger DC to clubs or go together with the DC. DD meets friends on sunday as she can’t ever meet them after school and has a yoga class in the evening but does do hours of revision on sundays.

It’s all too stressful!

I had horses through school so I get it. Can she have one night where she just cracks on, rides and leaves? Or lunges? No chat etc (I know it's hard!)
I used to have a couple of days where I would literally squeeze in 30 mins schooling or a hack round the block and treat it as fast work
Leave the helping and chatting for fridays when she can then relax a bit?

Simple answer really is to tone down on the riding each day. Does she have to go to do jobs or is horse on full livery? Give the horse a couple of days off in the week. Or if it really needs exercising everyday pay for someone to school it or get a sharer. Assuming you mean she's out competing BS. What level at?

Sorry if this sounds harsh but it really depends on how well she wants to do in her GCSE's as to how much work she puts in. There has to be some prioritisation. We've just been through it and GCSE year is very intense - there was little time for hobbies. Will she do show jumping as . a career?

Well it's quite simple really. She's doing too much for an exam year, if she really wants to prioritize her grades. She could try studying on the tube but, other than that, something needs to give. Maybe the gym and yoga - if she's riding 5 days a week she doesn't rely need them.

Sorry, but it's a choice: dedicate to show jumping as a career or have a balance and give her a decent shot at qualifications. At 15 you cannot do it all.

My DS is 15 and we've cut back week night clubs to 2 nights' training and 2 short gym sessions after school so that he's home to revise/ study. It's a crap age to do very imp exams but it is what it is. You as a parent need to work out what will work- it's your responsibilty.

She could do some of the lighter studying when travelling?
Shower when she gets in especially when family meals.
And yes at least one day a week where she rides and leaves.

What she is doing at the moment isn't sustainable. How will she still manage all of this on top of Uni work or when working fulltime?

Seems quite obvious that she's over-subscribed in terms of activities. Sureky it's just about prioritising. If the riding, gym and yoga are more important to her then she's not going to cut them down for the sake of schoolwork. That said, she's clearly conscientious so maybe she just needs some help to work through want she needs to do vs what she wants to do?

Could she maybe do some on the tube?

Get Tassomai Science and use that for revision whilst on the tube, and also take other revision notes for other subjects too.

So every school day 30mins science (2 or 3 GCSEs) and 30mins some other fact based learning (eg History / Geography / RE / MFL vocab etc).

Then she won't need to do extra revision after homework.

If the riding has to continue as much, then you will have to clear the weekend.

I had horses as a teenager. I used to use my school lunch hour to get some homework done, can she do some reading on the tube. Yes Queen is right she has to just crack on a couple of nights, get the horse work done and leave. Alternatively could you find a sharer to ride and do jobs one or two days a week? I did this in London.

Revise/do homework on the train?

Unless she plans to be a show jumper that has to be cut back until she completes her GCSE’s. For one year it’s a question of priorities isn't it?

How about she just cut down everything slightly? So 15 mins less with the horses, 15 min less on homework and revision, 15 mins less 'wind down' time at the end of the day, so she can be asleep by 10.15 and barely notice the slightly shorter times at each activity.

Is she enjoying and coping with it or is this just you being concerned for her? If she is happy then provide guidance but let her at it. This is the one time in life when she will have the energy before she slows down in her 30s etc

She does Newcomers/Fox on her pony.

Perhaps the gym will have to give as yoga destresses her immensely

That’s an extortionate amount of homework.

My Dd was doing elite dance training. She had a 1 hour commute to school so did Tassomai on the journey. Academic classes finished at 4pm & she then danced until 6pm, arriving home around 7.30pm.

Usually she then did about an hour of homework each night. She danced Saturday mornings, had relaxation/social time Saturday afternoons, then usually did an hour or two homework onSaturdays.

She came out with mostly Grade 8’s with a couple of 9’s & a 7.

Yes she’s enjoying it and doesn’t want to cut the riding down and we’re anxious to get a sharer after the disaster that was the last one and it took ages to get her pony feeling ‘right’ again afterwards.

I may be worrying too much but she is really tired and like PP said it’s her GCSE year, her future.

DS is now in Year 11 & the majority of his homework (as was dd’s) is revision.

She sounds like she has plenty of time but needs get her priorities in the right order. She can spend an hour doing homework/revising on the train, cut down on the horse riding, spend her time at the stables just doing what needs to be done rather than chatting/helping other people. I think the vast majority of homework should be done at weekends, it’s unrealistic just to expect her to get it done after school and all her hobbies so she can have entire weekends free. She can spend a couple hours doing homework on Saturdays and sundays and still have plenty of time to spend together as a family/see her friends. If she’s that pushed for time I’d suggest cutting out the yoga and gym.

Yes will suggest she does work on the tube, a lot of it’s underground until it gets further out of London however which means that she can’t do anything online

Does she need to ride pony every day? I don't blame you about the sharer thing. If pony is on livery which is sounds like, two days midweek not going at all would free up loads of time

You haven't spoken about her thoughts or feelings about this. You need to chat with her.

It's kind of up to her at this point to set priorities.

However, you can always help with suggestions if she decides her exams are a priority.

The first priority is getting at least 8 hours of sleep a night. She needs to accept that.

So she needs to look hard at time spent showering, reading and 'unwinding'. This should all take an hour in total. Reading could be replaced by drifting off to sleep listening to classical music. If she has an Echo or similar device and if you have Spotify or Amazon music, etc, she can create her own relaxing 45 minutes of soothing sounds.

She needs to ride, groom, muck out stalls and then leave two or three days a week. Preferably three. No more hanging around and socialising at the stables. Aka 'helping'.

You are going to have to adjust your werkend family time expectations and leave her to study. Make sure there is a family mealtime instead.

It's nice that she goes to the gym and does yoga at weekends, and socialises with friends. I wouldn't drop this. It will help when exam pressure really gets intense.

But sit her down and ask her where she thinks time can be put to better use, after finding out if she herself is feeling that she's chasing her own tail.

The Saturday gym and going out as a "family" can surely stop, even if its only temporarily.

Is showjumping/horses likely to be a career for her? Are you in a position to give her the financial backing to make this possible?

Y11 is an incredibly important year for her, and her Gcses will be important for the rest of her life. It does sound like she gets a lot of homework but equally she will need to do that level of work in the run up to exams.

Honestly, you may have to let the riding slide for a while. I'd suggest a sharer for the horse or more paid help with the horse for a while - give her at least one evening a week to focus just on school work.

A lot of girls do take a step back from riding during exam years. It doesn't stop them riding competitively in the future.