DD has no time for homework!

[bluetictac]

Well not exactly...

DD2 (15 year old) is in Year 11 at school and she’s got her hobbies every night after school. She’s a competitive show jumper and rides almost everyday after school. She goes straight to the yard from school on the tube and that takes 30 mins to get there and another half an hour to get back. So one hour travelling, then she’s at the yard riding, helping people, chatting, doing horse care, having lessons, hacking etc. So she usually isn’t home until 6/6.30.

Then we have dinner and at the moment it’s fine as she can eat in her room and do her homework whilst she’s doing it because DH and I have jobs at the moment where we aren’t home until 7/8PM so we don’t all eat together as our other children don’t mind either, we are self employed/contracted work.

But when we do eat together we aren’t done with dinner until 7 and then she needs to revise, do homework, shower etc. School gives DD an average of 1.5/2 hours of homework per evening and then she usually tries to do 45mins/1 hour of revision to keep on top in subjects she struggles in. That’s almost 3 hours each night.

She isn’t done until 10PM usually and then she needs to read, unwind, shower etc so she’s not asleep until 11PM generally. Then she wakes up at 6AM and 7 hours isn’t really enough sleep for her. She’s exhausted throughout the day.

Any clue how we can help her manage her time better? We’ve spoken about doing more on weekends but she goes to the gym with her friends on Sat mornings and then we usually go out as a family in the afternoon as it’s the only time we have together all week. On Sundays we either relax at home and take it in turns to take the younger DC to clubs or go together with the DC. DD meets friends on sunday as she can’t ever meet them after school and has a yoga class in the evening but does do hours of revision on sundays.

It’s all too stressful!

Top level showjumping is really pressured. When my dd was doing gcses she rode a lot and spent time with her horse but at a low level - hacking for miles and doing the odd competition. It was great, but having to do all the shows would have meant she would have struggled with gcses.

Surely you know the answer: carry on like this= fail her exams?

She has to cut the hobbies to concentrate on her education, be a parent and sort it out.

She has to cut the hobbies to concentrate on her education

No, she doesn't. DD missed only a couple of dance lessons in total during her GCSEs, and competed earlier in the summer term as usual.

however, what the OP's daughter has to do - and what DD had to do - was be efficient and cut out 'wasted' leisure time.

Work hard and efficiently. Play hard and efficiently. Don't hang around the yard, or hang around with friends or family, to the detriment of the hobby or the detriment of the work. Schedule a sensible bedtime and timetable specific downtime / social events. Then work hard and very efficiently in the time available - including e.g. lunchtimes at school if that works well.

When is she actually competing?

A 10.30 bedtime should be fine at her age. She surely doesn't need an hour to fiddle about? Does she spend the time travelling to and from the stables on her phone? And the hour before bed?

There’s no wonder teenage mental health is in such a poor state these days. There’s so much bloody academic pressure to the exclusion of anything else.

The DD’s problem isn’t that she’s struggling with academic pressure, though. What she’s struggling with is trying to fit far too much into her life in her GCSE year.

So as most PP have said, something has to give. Only the OP and her DD can decide what that thing should be.

Agree with lots of others on this thread. Use the hour on the tube productively, less faffing at the stables. Don’t go one week night. Skip all the family stuff at weekends, literally why is she going to younger dcs clubs and so forth. But and it’s a big one, if you think she might make it as a pro sj, when is she competing, kids need plenty of competition mileage, especially if she is only jumping one pony which she appears to be ( taught a kid last year who was jumping 6 ponies all through GCSE year). One pony at newcomers/fox is definitely just hobby territory.

How many GCSEs is she doing and could she drop some (with her school's permission). You don't need 10 GCSEs really - just the ones that are relevant to whatever Post 16 plan she has. If she dropped a couple of subjects that she is really only doing because the school insisted that you have to and used that lesson time to be in the library and focus on the remaining subjects.
(I have no idea if schools actually let pupils do this though)

My 13yo daughter doesn't get home till 6 every night (long school day) she also gets up to 4 pieces of prep each night- 1/2 hour each. However she is able to do this eat, dinner with us as a family, have a shower then has an hour to relax before bed

If she sleeps until 6.45am she would still gets an hour to get up, breakfast, done & out. The waking up slowly is because she's still tired. Get up & in the shower & not be compelled to converse first thing. 45 mins extra sleep every day will help her hugely.

I can sympathise. I remember back when I was in college I used to have long days then I had a job that required me to work 2h every evening. I didn't get home till about 8:30 everyday then I had to eat etc. I detested the thought of having to get home and do more work so I did everything I could to avoid that.

There used to be an hour and a half free gap in-between college ending and work starting so I used to spend this time in the library. I also used to spend my breaks and lunches in the library revising/doing coursework too. That way I got about 2/3 hours of revision a day and then could wind down when I actually got home from work. Is this something she could/be willing to do?

It's tough, you have to sacrifice some of the fun stuff to get through it. A lot of people in my college had the same job (the college used to specifically employ students) and a lot left the job because they couldn't hack it around exams.

Make sure she remembers that these are a few tough years that she needs to get her head down and work then it'll be over. A light at the end of the tunnel so to speak.

Oh rubbish @MadM0rn1ng382, of course you don’t only get one chance at GCSEs. That’s the sort of twaddle that piles unnecessary pressure on kids.

It really annoys me the amount of homework that children have to do. The child is in school 6.5 hours a day. That should be enough.

Maybe enough, when I look back to my school days, we probably spend 10-20% of the time physically learning anything while in school grounds, not very efficient. My suggestion is for both pupil and teacher schooling has to change radically.

I think there's far too much pressure on children in general! Agog at some posters saying the DD 'dosses all weekend' 'shr has time for homework, not the other stuff' and 'cut family time'. For what it's worth I really enjoyed family time as a teen and I think it's important in general!

I'm an all or nothing person and dove headfirst into school in year 11. I stopped seeing my friends and became obsessed. Yes I got good grades but my MH declined. .

Also I don't really get the fuss around GCSE grades. Isn't it well known that GCSE grades are only really useful to get into sixth form? If you're attending a bog standard comp that isn't an issue really. After a levels, all employers care about is your degree and possibly a levels. Experience is more valid

Obviously qualifications are important but not at the expense of everything else. Some real tiger mums on this thread! Free time is important too and I wouldn't cut out the riding
However, DD does sound overwhelmed. It seems very full on - what time does she have to watch Netflix, read a book, listen to music etc? It all seems very structured and busy, and I think too busy for a young girl. The sleep is definitely an issue. Why is she up at 6? Can she not do her bag night before/ get up later/ eat breakfast on way in ,(granola bar, fruit, yogurt, overnight oats etc), do her make up on the train?

I would say possibly drop one or two evenings of riding. Or at least one, If possible.

I don't think eating while doing homework is particularly helpful either. She needs proper time to relax, not just go go go. How useful is homework in GCSE year? I'm not saying don't do it, or slum it, but I know when I was in yr11 I tried my very hardest for coursework that would matter for the final grade. Other bits of random homework I did do and still tried, however I wasnt aiming for perfection. Could she do those bits of homework on the train in to school?

Re Saturdays- can she do some homework or revision of an evening? I agree with whoever said it's quite early to be revising, unless she's lots of January exams? If they're summer, it's way too early.

2hrs homework is ridiculous and I would suggest not aiming for perfection on those. If she's January exams then revision does take precedence although I'd cut it down to 45mins MAX revision an evening. I can't imagine her mind is clear or her stress levels ideal after all this rushing about so bar for some small work, I'd keep the tricky subjects to the weekend. .

With the shower, that can be as long as you make it really so perhaps cut back. Relax time is important- kids (well, everyone!) Should have time where they can watch tv, read, just chil.That said, an idea might be a mindfulness app to aid sleep. There's apps that reads bedtime stories in a soothing voice

So- reduce time at stables, reduce showering, don't aim for perfection apart from coursework, do homework on train, eat on train and up later, revise on Sunday. Can she not see her friends briefly only on Saturday, or do a little bit on Saturday evening? I think socialising, family time, relaxing time are just as important as bloody homework. GCSEs do not matter that much, no employer cares too much about them, and to be frank good wellbeing is more important than grades. All well and good getting a good job but if you have no work life balance, if your mental health is on the floor - then how long will you last in the fantastic job?

Fellow horserider here. I remember doing the horses through GCSEs. I was in a PC team that wanted it get to hoys. Up at any time between 4 and 6 am to sort horses and then get in, do half an hour of revision whilst having breakfast. I'd revise during lunchtime and then as I progressed to A Level I would use all free periods for studying too. But I was always in bed for ten. I'd say yoga etc isn't needed. That's something she can do for ten minutes before bed if she needs to relax but at her age I'd class the riding as relaxation (god what I'd give for an evening summertime hack). Is she aiming for a team? Or using SJ as a career? If not, then I think she really needs to recognise, maybe not at GCSE but certainly A Level, that horses need to take a back seat. In my second year of GCSEs I took on a novice and just schooled at home with the odd competition, and again with my final year of A levels. It needs balance. If she's not feasibly going to create a lifelong career out of horses then it really needs to tone down, as others have said. Unless you're brilliant at it horses are never going to be an easy, fulfilling source of income. Sorry for the rant. I was studying to be a vet, and I really and to.make hard choices at the right time to make sure I had the time for exams at the right time. GCSEs are overrated, but A Levels are not.

As a teacher I would be very shocked if my pupils were doing anything like that amount of work. I couldn't set that amount of homework, I would never have time to mark it! Surely the homework is intended to revise whatever the current topic is, I'm not understanding the revision+homework idea. Maybe some revision on the weekends only for now (it's September!)

I would never have time to mark it!
In DD's class the peers help correct home work sheets, Teacher gives the answers fellow students x or correct.
Personally I don't like the set up, it is good to save teacher time but DD is nearly 11 has SEN her handwriting is very immature it embarrasses her when others correct her work.

She does have time for homework, it's all the other things she doesn't have time for.

3 hours homework a night seems really excessive

It certainly is- DD1 goes to a super selective grammar and they don't give that much in Y11. Everyone needs down time and hobbies they enjoy, especially ones that may actually lead to a career, more than most of the stuff she is learning ever will which will be irrelevant to her in a few years. Though I agree some scaling back of out of school activities is required, you need to have words with the school about how much pressure they are piling on at this stage.

Also I'm really glad it wasn't like that when I was at school, I'd have drowned in the work and I didn't do much outside school.

Personally I'd advise her to keep the yoga. It will help her with stress now and all her life and I wish I'd have been introduced to it at her age.

Sounds pretty normal to me!

Pony time - maintain
Sleep - increase (suggest she sleeps til 7am and learns how to get up quickly)
Family time - reduce (you don't need this every night and a whole day at weekends, most teenagers opt out at this stage!)
Yoga - keep
Gym - reduce or stop altogether (unless essential for riding, then swap with one day of riding)
Homework/revising - obviously maintain

It sounds like she gets quite a lot of homework anyway but could do GCSE revision workbooks on the tube in the subjects she feels like she needs to do extra in.

DD needs to decide what her priorities are. There still sounds like there is a fair bit of "social' time in there and she needs to decide if she want's to use her free time with the horses or with her friends/doing other things. Most people who are heavily into sports/dance have to make that choice.

Academically speaking I am in the leave it down to her camp, if she wants to do well in her GCSE's and needs to put in extra time in order to do that she has to give something up. If she isn't that bothered and is happier to continue with everything she is currently doing and get what she gets in her exams then so be it. There are potentially lots of exam years ahead of you with GCSE's, A levels (or equivalent) and possibly university so the sooner she works out her own priorities the better.

I am amazed at what some of these young people are achieving. I'm in my 40s and none I knew as a teenager did anything other than smoke, drink and socialise.

The apprentices I see coming through our work program really impress me.

Honestly, she sounds very conscientious and driven. I think she will be successful what ever she chooses.

If I were to to change anything, I'd reduce study time by a short amount in the evenings and up it slightly at the weekend and on the tube.

But I'd chunk it up into very small pieces. As an example, make revision cards on the eye, and review them on the train.

I'd plan each subject out and make targets for the month. Doing 2 plus hours a day of revision doesnt mean quality. Focus on results rather than effort.

Sounds like she’s Struggling to readjust from having time to spend as she wants to having to knuckle down in an important year. Only you know if she has the skills to do well in sj but it’s worth cutting down for this year as a backup if nothing else. She has a lot of time it seems but she’s not efficient. Morning routine is almost 2 hours? She could sleep longer. She doesn’t need to go to the yard every day and she doesn’t need to spend so long there each time. Not every sharer is awful so I’d give it another go or hire someone to at least do the chores.
I’d also question if she actually has 2 hours of homework every night or does it just take her longer than normal? In this case, perhaps a tutor some evenings instead of horse? Perhaps someone at the yard could quiz her whilst she’s there so she can do two things at once and know where she needs to focus.
Revision on the tube?
There’s lots you can do but sounds like a lot of things are ‘essential’ but actually can be managed better.

Okay - so to me this shows how ridiculous the pressure we put on teenagers is. Most country's in the EU don't do exams at 16. We are yet again alone in the UK in piling pressure on kids for no reason.

Riding, gym, yoga, time with family - all this is supposed to fall by the wayside so kids can spend hours a day revising. No wonder we have the highest rates of mental health problems in Europe.