DD has no time for homework!

[bluetictac]

Well not exactly...

DD2 (15 year old) is in Year 11 at school and she’s got her hobbies every night after school. She’s a competitive show jumper and rides almost everyday after school. She goes straight to the yard from school on the tube and that takes 30 mins to get there and another half an hour to get back. So one hour travelling, then she’s at the yard riding, helping people, chatting, doing horse care, having lessons, hacking etc. So she usually isn’t home until 6/6.30.

Then we have dinner and at the moment it’s fine as she can eat in her room and do her homework whilst she’s doing it because DH and I have jobs at the moment where we aren’t home until 7/8PM so we don’t all eat together as our other children don’t mind either, we are self employed/contracted work.

But when we do eat together we aren’t done with dinner until 7 and then she needs to revise, do homework, shower etc. School gives DD an average of 1.5/2 hours of homework per evening and then she usually tries to do 45mins/1 hour of revision to keep on top in subjects she struggles in. That’s almost 3 hours each night.

She isn’t done until 10PM usually and then she needs to read, unwind, shower etc so she’s not asleep until 11PM generally. Then she wakes up at 6AM and 7 hours isn’t really enough sleep for her. She’s exhausted throughout the day.

Any clue how we can help her manage her time better? We’ve spoken about doing more on weekends but she goes to the gym with her friends on Sat mornings and then we usually go out as a family in the afternoon as it’s the only time we have together all week. On Sundays we either relax at home and take it in turns to take the younger DC to clubs or go together with the DC. DD meets friends on sunday as she can’t ever meet them after school and has a yoga class in the evening but does do hours of revision on sundays.

It’s all too stressful!

DD shouldn’t have her GCSEs impacted because you choose to work full time and want to see your kids. That’s not fair. You choose that life and to have nannies fine, but think of her future. She needs these exams.

Perhaps at A level she could go to a school where she can take her horse.

I am firmly of the believe that her GCSE'S must trump everything this year. You knew this was coming and should have planned ahead.
Agree, she does not need the family time at weekends, possibly it is you who feels this way.
The pony must not be neglected obviously but your daughters education must come first.

Then you’d better accept she will probably under-perform at GCSE. 🤷🏻‍♀️

Is she using her time efficiently doing homework late when she's tired? Could she do it before school or Saturday morning so it's out of the way and weekends are clear? What takes me an hour to read / understand when I'm tired can take me 20 minutes at other times.

Surely it's a simple case of priorities?? She has to focus on school for a bit so her horse commitments & things like the gym etc need to be cut back temporarily.

I think as much as you might want her to be a champion show-jumper you need to be a bit of bad cop here and get her to tone down the horses this year or be prepared for her to not get the best results. The last thing you want is for her to get burnout.

Can you and DH do anything about your work situations? It does sound a bit as though you have very little time to spend with your kids.

You need to decide where your priorities lie, and compromises needs to be made

If it’s horseriding, them some of the weekend activities need to be cut - gym and yoga for example.

At the stables, you mention that she chats, helping people etc. Can she cut down to just her lessons, and essential horse-care etc.

Can she eat in the the tube. Maybe have a hot meal at school, and sandwiches whilst travelling. That will give her more time in the evening.

At the weekend, you need to cut the relax time, and call this homework. She doesn’t need to go the gym, friends, yoga and family time.

I’m actually quite surprised by all the family time. By fifteen, most dontheir own thing, and don’t have prescribed time with the familybat weekends.

Can you rearrange the lessons so she does more at the weekend, leaving evenings free for honework.

Maybe for the next few months, she needs to tone down everything, until her exams are over.

3 hours homework a night seems really excessive.

I'd cut down to the 1.5 the school gives per night and revise for the extra bits she wants to practice for a few hours at the weekend or do it on the tube.

That would mean she can be in bed by 10 at the latest.

A 15 year old being this busy with so little sleep or downtime sounds like a recipe for a breakdown to me. It's the beginning of the academic year - what will it be like by the summer?

To put it bluntly you can’t have everything - she wants to ride, go the gym, yoga classes and have family time - that would be a lot for anyone let alone a GCSE student. Why can’t your family time be a nice meal & a film on a Sat night? TBH my DS wasn’t particularly bothered about ‘family tome’ at 16.

As Tatiana says, you’ve chosen to have work which takes up long hours (but presumably well paid if you can afford a horse and a nanny) therefore you’ve made your choices and your DD will have to make her choices.

Don't cut family time! You need to look after her mental health as well as get the best exam grades she can.
I think she needs to cut back in revision in the evenings, and do what she can if that on the tube.

After Christmas she could drop the gym for six months.

Overall I'd say it's more important for her to get sleep than revise.

I’m actually quite surprised by all the family time. By fifteen, most dontheir own thing, and don’t have prescribed time with the familybat weekends.

I think it’s for the OP’s benefit. I never spent that time with my parents on weekends, you have your own life at 15.

It sounds as though you are a very busy family generally. However, you can’t do everything, no one can. Unless the horse is going to become a career, rather than a hobby, then the priority must be acquiring the qualifications needed for the future.

I think that collectively, you’re trying to fit too much in and something has to give. Don’t let it be her exam results.

We suspended my daughter's gym membership in the run up to GCSE's - she just didn't have the time for it, and something had to give.

My dd does her homework during her lunch break at school to free up time after school. It’s a very important year so something has to give, she either cuts her time at the stables or stops going to the gym at the weekend, it’s only a year (not even that) and it could effect her future if she’s planning on taking a levels.

Dd1 is y10 and has a habit which she does every day after school. Most she doesn’t have to be there until 7 though, so I’ve told her that she needs to be organised with her time and do homework/ revision when she gets in from school.

If she can’t keep up with her school work then the clubs will have to be cut back, which is something she really doesn’t want to happen.

Dd will have one evening a week free after November, so that’ll help. Maybe your dd needs an evening where she can just get on with work uninterrupted?

At the moment, I do not see DC and nor does DH until 8PM. Then the little ones are put to bed straight away by us (we have a nanny for the rest of time) and the older ones are either out or revising or whatever. We have zero time to discuss anything until our current contracts are over later this year. Not long left until weekend family time can be cut but we won’t see our kids unless we have it and DD loves it genuinely

I'm not saying this to be harsh, but if you and your H have decided that work contracts will take priority over family time (hence use of a nanny), then you can't expect your DD to prioritise family time at the weekend.

Again, I'm genuinely not saying this to be nasty, but you need to think about the message you are giving your DD. She sounds very focused and active and driven - all of which is great. But something has to give - and if it's not the school work, or the horses, or the yoga to de-stress her, then it needs to be the family time. And if it's OK for you and your H to be on work contracts that mean a nanny puts the small ones to bed, then don't be surprised if your DD chooses to prioritise her work (GCSEs) and her hobbies over family time.

If she is serious about the riding, and you are too, then I'd say that the thing that gives is the school work. I do think it's important to get at least English and Maths GCSEs regardless, but I think you have to accept she can't do both and keep up her current social life.

I think you have to have a frank discussion about what will give- is it her social life, school work or riding?

However, equally, I do think you could pay someone to do the horse for her on, say a Wednesday evening, and give her that breathing space during the week. It sounds like she doesn't ride at weekends, which seems a bit of an odd way to do things. If she did more riding at the weekends and less in the week, she could get to bed earlier in the week, which might help her. This might also give her the chance to get help after school etc in the subjects she finds harder.

To be honest, if she is doing 1-2 hours of homework in the week, she probably doesn't need to do loads of additional revision too. What revision is she actually doing? Do you think it's useful and productive?

She needs to leave school with some qualifications to fall back on. All careers with horses can be short-lived and financially challenging. I speak from experience and I left school at 16 to work with horses. It made my life much harder later on, after I’d to give up the horse career.

She could lunge her pony one or two days and loose school another day. She could use the remaining days to combine schooling with hacks. She needs to be strict with her time at the yard and aim to be heading home by a deadline.

Ds cut down his hobby and then did without it throughout his GCSEs but probably from the January. He also cut down his social life and concentrated on his revision.

He came out with exceptional results and a few of his friends were disappointed with theirs but they chose to game/socialise.

He had 10 weeks off after his last exam until he started sixth form so planned a lot of things into that time. That was the main thing that kept him motivated throughout plus knowing that he felt confident going into every exam.

Something needs to give, your DD needs to weigh up what is important.

Sorry - meant to add:

My niece used to ride as a hobby 3x weekly. But that on top of dance practice (4x weekly), school work and competing every single weekend (both days) meant that she had next to no family time.

She's become proficient at doing homework and revision whilst she's in the car, or waiting for her competition spot to be called (there's a lot of waiting around at dance comps!). But the riding had to go, because there were not enough hours in the week for her to carry on doing it and have time with her family - but my Dsis gave her the choice.

If she wants to do A levels then this is the next 3 years, not just this year. My dd swam at a high level. She trained every night, getting home at 7.30pm plus weekends and two 5am starts. Competition weekends were the whole weekend poolside. In GCSE year she had to cut out the mornings as she was too tired, but did the rest.
They have to be incredibly disciplined. Library at lunchtime if she’s struggling. Work on the tube, doesn’t have to be internet based. Have a revision timetable and stick to it. Eat on the tube sometimes.
The other thing is to revise well, not just read a subject but use the time properly to learn, test, check.

Also she could make up flash cards for each subject to revise during travelling time. It seems she get enough homework each night without revising too.

I lived in a farming community when taking GCSEs. This was a common thing. Classmates would be working on the farm after school, sometimes before. They didn’t do well in exams but then they were going to work on the family farm so it didn’t really matter.

Is your daughter planning to work at the stables when she leaves school?

I hadn’t noticed that Sansa, does she not go to the horse at the weekends? Surely it would be much more time effective if it’s possible for her to move some lessons etc to the weekend? Though this is probably easier said than done

Can you carry on letting her eat in her room and cut out some of the family time?

My youngest siblings are year 11, year 12 and 2 at uni so the past few years have been pretty exam filled, even when I visit they are never expected to be part of family time during exam years, they'd be invited but it was their choice, because their education takes priority over family that will still be there when exams are over.