DD has no time for homework!

[bluetictac]

Well not exactly...

DD2 (15 year old) is in Year 11 at school and she’s got her hobbies every night after school. She’s a competitive show jumper and rides almost everyday after school. She goes straight to the yard from school on the tube and that takes 30 mins to get there and another half an hour to get back. So one hour travelling, then she’s at the yard riding, helping people, chatting, doing horse care, having lessons, hacking etc. So she usually isn’t home until 6/6.30.

Then we have dinner and at the moment it’s fine as she can eat in her room and do her homework whilst she’s doing it because DH and I have jobs at the moment where we aren’t home until 7/8PM so we don’t all eat together as our other children don’t mind either, we are self employed/contracted work.

But when we do eat together we aren’t done with dinner until 7 and then she needs to revise, do homework, shower etc. School gives DD an average of 1.5/2 hours of homework per evening and then she usually tries to do 45mins/1 hour of revision to keep on top in subjects she struggles in. That’s almost 3 hours each night.

She isn’t done until 10PM usually and then she needs to read, unwind, shower etc so she’s not asleep until 11PM generally. Then she wakes up at 6AM and 7 hours isn’t really enough sleep for her. She’s exhausted throughout the day.

Any clue how we can help her manage her time better? We’ve spoken about doing more on weekends but she goes to the gym with her friends on Sat mornings and then we usually go out as a family in the afternoon as it’s the only time we have together all week. On Sundays we either relax at home and take it in turns to take the younger DC to clubs or go together with the DC. DD meets friends on sunday as she can’t ever meet them after school and has a yoga class in the evening but does do hours of revision on sundays.

It’s all too stressful!

You / she must decide, school work & future or pony & gym ?

I think if you haven't had horses, it is really difficult to appreciate how full on it is, even as a hobby. I never wanted to work with horses but I've always had my own and competed and the care etc takes up a lot of time. Giving up or cutting down wasn't an option, it was my mental health - if everything was going wrong at school or I had a bad day, I needed the riding more than ever
I would add if you have the option of a day full livery then maybe take that so she gets a day of coming straight home and a little more time to relax and spend with family
Like I said before, just ride, get jobs done and get home and save the helping for one day a week

My horse died a month ago, and honestly I regret every second of time I didn't spend with her, it was never enough

She needs to work smarter not harder.

Horse - at newcomers/fox doesn’t need to be ridden everyday - especially if she’s off ponies next year, 1 jump session, 1 flatwork, 1 fast work, 1 hack a week. She needs to decide her competition aims and work towards them only. Cut the socialising and general pissing around at the yard.

Revision - needs to be structured or it’s useless, she needs a plan of what she wants to achieve each week - and no more than an hour a night.

Homework - this has to stand, I don’t think that’s theres any give there but she can utilise lunch times/before school etc

Weekends - there’s a lot of time wasted there. Again the gym session needs to be the gym, not socialising (she needs the gym for cardiac fitness) yoga - keep this, it’s an awesome de stress.

Family time - either every other weekend or needs to be shortened to give more time for work.

I got A*, A’s and a B whilst I was ageing out of national ponies my GCSE year so I know how manic it gets. But my parents couldn’t afford to buy me horses at the level I was so I was bringing a youngster on at the same time.

So I know it can be done, you just need incredible focus and commitment and the will to not waste a second of the time you have - ie don’t wake up at 6am when you don’t have to leave the house until 7.45, either get up, get done and be in the library working before school or get an extra 45 mins sleep.

To add I managed a horse on DIY livery through GCSEs, A levels, a national diploma, and a BA hons degree. It's not easy but it is doable if you're organised

^ it sounds a nightmare though and she clearly isn’t coping hence why OP has written the post.

I think with horses it’s either put in your all or nothing at all (from growing up with people insanely passionate about horses).

I’d probably try and get my child to drop the hobby completely through the final year of school so all attention can be focused on getting the right grades, there’s plenty of time to be busy with hobbies, you can’t re take this year of school (well, you can... but it’s not ideal).

To the people saying she doesn’t need family time, perhaps you’re in the fortunate position to have either you or your DP at home after school.

I used to get home around 5pm but often I’d be taking ds to an activity so would get in around 6.30pm/7pm. At the time dh would get in at 7pm-7.45pm, same time as dd.

Most nights Dd would either have already eaten after dance/ on the journey home. or I’d have a quick meal on the table for her at 7.30pm which took her 15-20 mins at most. Ds & I would eat earlier. She’d then go straight up to her room

What we did do was make Friday nights special. We’d have a family chippy in front of the TV watching a favourite show or film. Once a week family time plus Sunday lunch. She’s 15/16, you need to let go a bit.

Also she needs to stop faffing in the mornings. She doesn’t need to be up until 6.45am if she leaves the house at 7.45am.

Riding instructor here, another who is going to say cut back on the horse stuff. And the gym; she's a horse person, i understand why she's going but she doesn't need the gym to keep to a good standard of fitness. Yoga seems to be a real benefit to her wellness so I'd keep that.

Even if she's aspiring to be a pro, her SJ career won't suffer from a year of taking it easier because of GCSEs. When does she compete, because that is taking time somewhere too...?

Yard chores 5 days a week, ride 2-3 times a week, home earlier at least twice a week.

Something has to go. Three hours a night isn't a lot for GCSE studies. She chooses her hobbies and mediocre results and job in the future or she puts the hours into her studies now.

@Heifer totally agree. 1.45 hours getting ready in the morning? What does she need to do? Get up, shower, dress, eat, pack bag surely 45 minutes would be enough? She's going to school not a prom

How come she manages to not go to the stables at the weekend?

I'm impressed that even with going to the stables she manages to get home by 6.

If she goes to the horse once a day - it must be on some sort of livery.
if this is the case then i suggest she misses one evening with the horse and you get some cover. It does not need to be ridden every day.

What happens with horse at weekend - you don't mention it. Does she not do the horse on the weekend?. She needs to cut back on gym / and meeting up with friends this year in order to prioritise her time. She is getting social time when at the stables so does not need more social time every weekend.

I appreciate how much work horses are. I had them but you also need to realise that the horses will be around forever. The exams get done once (ideally).

Would it be possible to let the pony remain out on a couple of days? I have 2 who live out ( Welsh though so like a bit of independence). This would mean she could purely ride on these days?

I hope they reduce homework in the future. I am all for spending time revising, reading, doing tables or formulas.
I see your DD is older, I'm not sure there is much she can do but try squeeze it in.
It takes two hours every day in this house doing written homework, that is before revising.
After school should be for revising, activities, fitness family time not tears and tantrums losing the pencil every few minutes.

You and she seem to have excuses for why all the non-compulsory things are essential. Firstly, she doesn't need to spend as long at the yard. She could save an hour each night by not chatting and hanging around. Do what is necessary and get home. Secondly, if she has chosen to spend time at the yard then she needs to sacrifice her other leisure time activities. That's it. That's the solution that neither of you seem to want to accept.

Can't she do some revision on the tube?

It’s cutting down on the hobby. Somethings got to give - cutting down on horses or studies really.

Three hours a night isn't a lot for GCSE studies.

Are teenagers doing GCSEs these days really doing over three hours school work a night?! Even in September?

I did mine about a decade ago and got high grades but I never did that level of after school homework and revision for GCSEs (apart from during actual exam season). It just wasn’t expected from my school, my parents or my peers.

GCSEs are not the bloody be-all and end-all of life. Honestly, this place is obsessed. If the OPs daughter has the chance to be a showjumper, then why the hell not pursue that while she can? Not everyone needs 12 A*s for goodness sake.

There’s no wonder teenage mental health is in such a poor state these days. There’s so much bloody academic pressure to the exclusion of anything else.

As her where her. Priorities lie now and in the future.

Getting in at 6,30 or even 7 3 nights a week, plus being tied up sat am and either Sunday am or pm ( occasionally both) was normal for my girls from 11 to 18 as choristers/ county musicians ( grammar school not choir school). They achieved brilliant grades too academically, but they grafted.

Because they were busy and used to juggling they had a great time at uni, singing, playing socialising and, oh, yes getting the work done too.

However we did keep an eye on it.

Not at any of the schools I know (state & private)

It ranges from about half an hour to maximum 2 hours per night. Between April - June dd did about 2 hours per day. Before that around an hour.

She's got to cut back on the riding. To be blunt, I know a string of 15 year olds jumping Fox. The clever ones spend gcse years getting to know their horse ready to move onto horses when 16 and post gcses.

Please don't let her screw up her gcses for horses. Is she clever? What is she predicted?

For my GCSE year and the year before I dropped all extracurricular activities to focus on getting the grades. This may not be right for your family, if she wants to go professional rider or has trust fund. But if she isn’t looking at riding as a career and expects to have a job in future, then I don’t see why you’d let it damage her grades.

Lots of people do this

She is doing the things she enjoys doing eg horse

She is not doing the things that she "should be doing" at her age which is homework for school exams

You really only get one chance to do school exams, it's not much fun doing retakes

And the only kids i know who could possibly make it in show jumping have really, really rich parents OR come from a show jumping family. Sorry not wanting to piss on your chips, but only you know if she's going to struggle.

There’s no wonder teenage mental health is in such a poor state these days. There’s so much bloody academic pressure to the exclusion of anything else

I agree with this!!

Good luck with your top level law degree when you have no one plumbing in or sparking up your brand new offices or delivering your furniture.

I'm not saying one should slack off but we all know that animals reduce stress as does exercise. One thing I've noticed about kids these days is that they may well sit down and study , work hard or whatever but they have far less common sense, abilities to problem solve, organisation than we did at their age. Too used to being able to google something or check.an app that they have lost the ability to plan their time around having to go to the library and getting the last bus home.

I think learning to juggle her horses and her work and getting herself there and back will teach her valuable life skills.

After all you cant ditch your kids when it gets too hard. You cant ditch walking your dog cos you have an essay to do. Managing all these things is a life skill. You would never tell your boss sorry I'm.droppomg this part of my job as I have too.much of this other part to do