DD has no time for homework!

[bluetictac]

Well not exactly...

DD2 (15 year old) is in Year 11 at school and she’s got her hobbies every night after school. She’s a competitive show jumper and rides almost everyday after school. She goes straight to the yard from school on the tube and that takes 30 mins to get there and another half an hour to get back. So one hour travelling, then she’s at the yard riding, helping people, chatting, doing horse care, having lessons, hacking etc. So she usually isn’t home until 6/6.30.

Then we have dinner and at the moment it’s fine as she can eat in her room and do her homework whilst she’s doing it because DH and I have jobs at the moment where we aren’t home until 7/8PM so we don’t all eat together as our other children don’t mind either, we are self employed/contracted work.

But when we do eat together we aren’t done with dinner until 7 and then she needs to revise, do homework, shower etc. School gives DD an average of 1.5/2 hours of homework per evening and then she usually tries to do 45mins/1 hour of revision to keep on top in subjects she struggles in. That’s almost 3 hours each night.

She isn’t done until 10PM usually and then she needs to read, unwind, shower etc so she’s not asleep until 11PM generally. Then she wakes up at 6AM and 7 hours isn’t really enough sleep for her. She’s exhausted throughout the day.

Any clue how we can help her manage her time better? We’ve spoken about doing more on weekends but she goes to the gym with her friends on Sat mornings and then we usually go out as a family in the afternoon as it’s the only time we have together all week. On Sundays we either relax at home and take it in turns to take the younger DC to clubs or go together with the DC. DD meets friends on sunday as she can’t ever meet them after school and has a yoga class in the evening but does do hours of revision on sundays.

It’s all too stressful!

Life is long - why do we expect teenagers at such a crucial part of their emotional development to just give up everything but studying in a very dry academic way? revise on the tube? while eating? ! This is a path to burnout!

Woudl we expect an adult to give up all hobbies, do work on the tube, work while eating, work until 11 at night??? We would think this was totally unhinged behaviour from an adult - yet we expect it of children.

We have an obesity crisis, a mental health crisis, a common sense crisis - this is why! Let kids be kids - from young to teens - let learning be a life long path not a push at 16.

I’m sorry but not read the whole thread. I’m sorry but she has to make time.

Well for the sake of one year she will have to do homework and revision on the weekends and take pressure off of the week. Cut down the riding to the bare minimum not for revision but so she can go to bed a bit earlier. Not enought sleep...she won't retain the information. Get up early on Saturday. Do a couple of hours school work and 2 in the evening and 3 or 4 on a Sunday. Plus on the tube and in her school lunch hour.

waterrat

People are only suggesting such extreme strategies because the OP seems adamant that nothing is going to give. Learning is important and a young person ought to prioritise it enough that homework is being done. That means cutting down on (not eliminating) other stuff so that the body is burning out. It doesn’t mean saying oh well, they’re only exams.

We used to say you can't do A levels, horses and social life. Not to any high level anyway. One has to give. Dd had very little social life for a couple of years!

I kind of agree with 'it's only exams'.

Is she academic OP? Is she clever and estimated high GCSEs? Because if she is a better horsewoman than an academic then maybe let her focus on her SJing. Because sport generally doesn't wait. If she gets left behind, loses fitness, doesn't progress in ponies before horses she may not get the opportunity later on. To be a successful equestrian in any discipline it means getting noticed and getting offered rides. Like many sports you need to be talent spotted as a teen.

An opportunity to work/ride on a big, successful yard is probably going to stand her in better stead for her future than a set of medicore GCSEs.

If however she is academic and tipped for excellence then she needs to cut down a bit this year. Maybe compete until Christmas then just keep pony ticking over until June. Or even sell pony at Christmas, pick up a ride to share once or twice a week and then start looking for a horse after GCSEs. If she is moving onto horses anyway in 2020 it might do her good to ride a few different ones for 6 months, they are different beasts to a brave, keen pony. Would do her good and if she gets a ride at a big yard will maybe get her noticed.

My dd is also in year 11, has given up ponies this year and replaced it with something else. We have had to have discussions about managing her time effectively. Her sport is unlikely to be a career but still very important to her, but she is academic so needs to really focus. Fortunately it's a summer sport so winding down after this weekend, then have asked her to wait until after june to compete every weekend.

IMO studies for GCSE are much more important than a hobby.

Frouby

Exams are probably going to matter to her whether she is highly academic or not. Bad advice.

That amount of homework was standard when I was at school (am in my 40s now), I'm surprised at posters saying it's a lot of homework. In 7 years of school I don't think I ever finished my homework earlier than about 10pm.

I also don't believe that everything you enjoy should be cast aside for exams. Surely the answer is to shift things around and do more at the weekends and be more focused at the stables? Do what's needed with the ponies then straight home?

Riding, gym, yoga, time with family - all this is supposed to fall by the wayside so kids can spend hours a day revising

Totally agree. Why is the school setting so much homework? DS's school only really set revision in Y11 (which included working through a lot of past papers/questions).

But if something has to give, I'd say yoga, gym and time with family/friends. It's not for ever, you don't need to have "family time" every Saturday. She sees her friends in school. It's a short-term compromise and a lot less severe than selling the horse as a pp has suggested!

She has lots of gaps in her day tbf. She really doesn't need 2 hours downtime at home. Plus her weekends sound super relaxed and easy. Surely she's competing almost every weekend?

If she's doing local BS fox in the week but nothing at the weekend (winters?) then she is a keen hobbyist which is great nothing wrong with that, shes having fun and doing well, but personally i wouldn't sacrifice gcses for that.

Prioritise!

The dcs who will do best in exams are the ones who know how to prioritise. Exams are a measure of that as much as of the content.

1hr 45mins in the morning is crazy. No one needs more than an hour and it could be cut to 20 mins if she can eat her breakfast en route?

At that age i did after school activities 4 nights so didn’t get it til 6/6.30. Dinner straight away then 3 hours of homework/ revision. Done by 9/10. Bedtime 10.30 asleep by 11. Up at 7.30 so at least 8 1/2 hours sleep.

She seems to do a lot of faffing!

Why do exams matter so much though? Does she want to work with horses and set on that career path because a set of 3s at GCSE won't make much difference if she does. Education is important, but you can't make kids academic if they aren't. However picking up a sponsor or a ride at a successful yard will make all the difference.

You are looking at the riding as a hobby. For some people it's not a hobby it's a way of life and what she does as a teen will absolutely have an impact on what opportunity she gets as an adult.

Even if she is never going to be an Olympic SJer there are career opportunities for riders. And it's not just the riding, there are other careers within the equestrian world. And being successful at a young age will absolutely help.

If however she is bright enough to get to university she should do what I also suggested ie sell pony and study because she will have more opportunities.

Not all kids are academic. Not every kid will get to university. And we shouldn't force a dc that isn't going to do well enough to get to the next level academically to give up something that may set her up for the next stage in her sporting career.

My DDs grammar school stated they expected Y11s to be doing 2.5 to 3 hours of homework every day including weekends. They strongly disapproved of any small jobs and said that hobbies should take a back seat during key exam years.

1.45 hours getting ready in the morning?

That seems excessive. I leave the house just over an hour after my alarm goes off and I wrangle DS, put on a full face of make up, load the dishwasher and sometimes deal with some laundry. Better time management in the mornings would help.

Three hours homework after a whole day working at school is far too much. No one can concentrate for this long and it becomes counter productive after a while. I am an academic and I wouldn’t be able to do such long stretches of concentrated work.

As for the riding she should think long and hard about a career with horses. Most careers with horses involve grooming and teaching rather than competing. You have to be exceptional, work very hard and be very lucky to build a competitive career from nothing purely because horses cost so much...or come from a seriously horsey family. If she is talented and committed she’d need to leave school after GCSEs and apprentice herself to a good show jumper, who will work her all hours mucking out, grooming etc for minimum wage, working long hours and weekends, before he lets her touch a stirrup to take a youngster for a hack. If she hasn’t got experience with horses even this is not realistic.

I’m actually quite surprised by all the family time. By fifteen, most dontheir own thing, and don’t have prescribed time with the familybat weekends.

To be fair to the OP a lot of teens of this age still enjoy family time. Dd is 17y and she still enjoys family time and often asks us to do things together and we still try to include some set family time into the weekend. She then does a lot of time with friends and her own stuff too. But her friends are pretty much the same. Tbh it's only on MN I heat if teens who never spend time with parents/family. My real life shows a different story. Fortunately.

I think it's nice that many teens enjoy spending time with their family and not something to be pushed to one side if they are enjoying it and actually seeking it out. I mean, why would you!?!

OPs Dd needs to look at her evenings and be doing a minimum with the ponies at least half of the week, so that studies can be prioritised.

Frouby

Because at 15, life is an open book. The better the exam results, the fewer regrets and the lower the jumps along the way. Set your children up as well as you can, and the rest is up to them.

Even if she is never going to be an Olympic SJer there are career opportunities for riders. And it's not just the riding, there are other careers within the equestrian world. And being successful at a young age will absolutely help

I live rurally. Teenage riders are ten a penny. Successful teenage riders are five a penny. There are hundreds of them.

Teenage riders with lacklustre qualifications are looking at being grooms basically. Terrible pay with no chance to buy yourself a decent horse and event in the future. Or waste thousands by doing an 'equine related degree' and still end up being a groom.

I know a girl in first year of a levels who is jumping 1.30 and 1.40 on her horse. Her parents are rich, with a huge home arena. Her horses are exercised by the grooms every day and she jumps on at weekends and a couple of times a week. BUT even then she's completely dedicated, no social life and did averagely at gcses. She's a really bright hard working girl and a fabulous rider, but even she couldn't do it without a huge support team ,expensive private education and sacrifices!

Either she continues like this and you risk her burning out before exams and as they get closer revision etc will crank up. or you and her need to sit down and have a serious discussion about what can go/be cut back on for this year. What about alternating weekend activities so nothing is dropped completely just every other week? What realistically does she want to do as an adult and what qualifications does this require?

It sucks but bottom line is...She needs to be more disciplined with time or drop down the horse stuff to an hour.

Going to bed at 11 she spending an hour farting about brush teeth, say goodnight 15 min read and lights out at 10.30

leaves at 7.45 getting up at 7 should be ample I do it everyday and get to work

Train should also be used for revising (ie no internet needed) or essay subjects (text based on no internet needed)

I’d also think about how you can improve efficiency clothes out the night before, quicker dinners etc.

To be fair she has 5 hours downtime a day! And nothing at weekends by the sound of it. I wouldn't call that dedicated!

Why do exams matter so much though? Does she want to work with horses and set on that career path because a set of 3s at GCSE won't make much difference if she does.

But if the riding career doesn’t take off and she has average exam results, she will struggle to be successful in the workplace. You only have to look at the number of graduates working in low-paid jobs - or unable to get a job at all - to understand how hard it it is for young people these days.

Sorry, just checked OP. She's home at 6.30? Then she's got tons of time! Eats as soon as she gets in (don't bother with a family meal) or showers and eats at 7. 7.30-9.30, work. 10pm bed. No phone!!!

Your basically asking for advice, but not prepared to make any changes. So what's the point?

I think you are deluding yourself. Winning a bit of money at a few local BS shows does not an Olympian make!