75% of mothers

[user87382294757]

...do all of the housework and childcare related tasks - no matter how many hours they work outside of this

I was a bit depressed to read this in the Independent newspaper today.

I wondered how mush of this rings true in your experience?

My other half is a lovely man. Great at D.I.Y and gardening. Good with the kids. He can't cook beyond toast, boiled eggs, super noodles, fresh pizzias and microwave chips. Plus he's like the kids, that the mess is invisible to him 😁. He genuinely doesn't notice 95% of it, even after having it pointed out. He will do the washing up without being asked, so it's a start 😁. I've lowered my standards and got the house full of storage and limited the amount of rubbish, we possess. Especially things like ornaments, frills etc.

Stop treating your male partner like a child. Divide chores accordingly.

I read on a forum of a father who didn’t know how to choose school shoes for his DS. Sometimes people amaze me - I’m not sure if they are deliberately being difficult to avoid doing things or really don’t get the real world!

@roisinagusniamh DH and I were talking about that very thing the other night. We’ve been catching up on Series 7 of Call The Midwife since it’s been added to Netflix, and he came out with “God, they really did treat their men folk like an extra child back then didn’t they?!”
And he’s right! 1962, and as soon as the women have to go away for whatever reason they just crumble!

I read on a forum of a father who didn’t know how to choose school shoes for his DS.

It's amazing how these men get jobs, isn't it?

Not true in my house either. DH is a better cleaner so I let him get on with it. Did most driving of DC. I'm a faster -better- cook so I take that on. He's more cacanny than me so does the shopping. I hog the gardening. And the Christmas decorations! I don't think I've worked out what percentage it all is but I wouldn't have married a man who was incapable of lifting a finger.

Sounds about right to me. Not in my house though. I do some housework and will blitz the place, scrubbing it clean once in a while but DH is far tidier than me. He can't just sit and relax if the living room floor needs a sweep.
He works and I'm a sahm. I do every bit of cooking though because DH "can't cook".

Two mum household here. The load is pretty much shared - including the mental load.

Wasn't true when I got married but ended up that way. He did nothing at all by the end. But depression and alcoholism had a lot to do with that.

I do 75% it's not 50 50 but it causes a lot of arguments. Dp won't cook and never does meals for our child. He does clithes washing and tidying though and washing up x 4 days but I argued with him for it.
Metal load yes. 100% yes including the washing line is broken moaning for a week. Buy I. New one off amazon. In the end I gave up and did it. Grrrrrrrr

Single parent now so obviously do it all but even when I wasn't I did absolutely everything. ExP didn't wash up, cook, clean had never bathed, changed a nappy or dressed DC - ever!

Another mug here sadly 🙋🏼‍♀️ Thought it would never happen to me but here I am in the 1950's.

My DH works incredibly long hours and I'm a SAHM so I don't actually expect him to do much, if anything during the week. But I do think it should be 50:50 when we're both at home. It isn't though. He does zero housework. Zero. Unless I explicitly ask him. Which gets so fucking tedious and leads to numerous arguments. Sorry he actually washes his own clothes because I refuse to, so perhaps I can't say zero! No cooking, no hovering, never used the mop, has never bathed the DC.

I always wanted to be a SAHM but I've decided to go back to work in January to try to force some equality. I'm pretty sad about it as I can imagine I'll still do the majority and will have an added dose of resentment towards him for the fact I'm away from the DC unnecessarily but I have to try something as it's death by a thousand cuts and divorce is the only logical next step if things don't improve... sigh...

Out of curiousity has anyone actually turned this around? OR is the sexism just too ingrained in these men? I'd like a little hope!

I'm amazed at all these 50-50 households. I don't think I know a single couple where that's the case and that is both WOHM and SAHM.

I don't know whether 75% doing ALL the work is realistic but if it's (across generations then maybe?) but I would say they would do at least 80% of the work. And probably 90% of the mental load of family life.

justhere I'm amazed anyone would stay married to a man who so clearly viewed them as a skivvy.

Ours is a 50:50 household and has always been. We have DC’s and both work full time. My parents were the same so I had a good example to follow and parents in law are great believers in equality so made sure that DH knew how to cook, clean, shop etc before he went to Uni.

We do what needs doing - if there is party present to buy, one of us will get it on the way home from work. When DT’s need new clothes, whoever is out with then would take them to buy them. It’s not difficult. Don’t enable them - having a full time, long hours job is no excuse.

Mine does all the cooking. I do everything else.

To be fair to DH , I very much enable this situation. I was a single parent when we got together and was so used to doing everything myself , I just sort of carried on and on.

frumpety I still think a decent bloke would use his initiative and pick up some of the load himself rather than just relax while you’re doing everything for him.

True in our house .... although dh washed the dishes yesterday which is virtually unheard of. Perhaps he’s been reading Mumsnet!

Swan2019
True in my house, but he does 100% of the mortgage and bill paying. I feel lucky that I can be at home with my kids and that I never really worry about money. He does all of that. So 75% of house and child care feels like a pretty good deal.

As I was reading your post I assumed you were being sarcastic about your OH's 'contribution' but you weren't were you? Unless he gets a barrowload of cash from the bank every month and slogs round the streets paying the bills, he is in fact doing fuck all because presumably like 99.99% of people in the country, bills are paid by direct debit. I hope you're married because if not he could throw you and your children out on the street. You may think he would never do that. Too many woman have discovered he will

I don't know if the figures are correct or not but I do know it's really depressing read countless threads by women whose OH does nothing. Even worse are the threads where the women laugh about having such incapable men in their lives, metaphorically patting the dears on the head as they are seemingly incapable of doing anything and if they do attempt one small thing, they fuck it up and the women chuckle while redoing it.

I place no blame on the women but they are enablers of all these men who have mastered the art of being professionally incompetent when it comes to housework or childcare. They should be asking themselves what this tells them about how they are viewed by these men and it's not good. Add on multiple babies and they find themselves stuck.

Actually, if he earns because he works away from home and the pp stays at home caring for the children, as well as some housework associated with them, even if they split roughly 50-50 when he's at home, it probably translates into about 75-25 child care and housework split, which seems fairly fair to me.

I work full time. I do very early shifts so start between 4 and 6am. This means we finish to do the school run. My husband sees this as me being at home ‘all day’ So I do most household chores. He does garden. I do hoUse and kids.

50 50 here and truth be told, he a much better cook and lucky his standards of cleaning ain't higher cos mine are low lol

First marriage I was definitely in the 75% :(

Second one, happily I am in the 25% who married a grown-up ! Wahoo:)