To think my dh was rude

[Thisismydilemma]

This week my parents invited dh, myself and our 4 dc to lunch. All good. However, at the last minute when we are getting up to leave my dh lies in bed and says he has a sore throat and refuses to come. I think this is exceptionally rude behaviour and told him he needs to apologize to my dm who had a prepared a lovely lunch and tea for us all. Unfortunately my ds2 saw my dh's behaviour and decided he did not want to come either, so now 2 have dropped out from lunch. I am so annoyed at my husband for setting a poor example to our dc. Aibu?

Was he genuinely ill or could he just not be bothered to go?

Well if he's actually ill then he's not being rude. A text from him to your DM explaining he is sorry to miss lunch but doesn't feel well would be the polite thing to do?
How old is ds2?

I guess this depends on whether he is really ill or not.

A few occasions in the 12 years me and DH have been together have I last minute not gone to dinner at PIL due to illness. I don't think there's anything rude about it. I always text myself and apologise profusely.

DH usually arrives home with some pudding to warm up and keep me well which I always appreciate

I don't think it's as rude as you suggest unless he does this often or isn't really ill? I would always insist he contact them himself to apologise though.

If he’s sick, he has every right to stay in bed to recover. How old is your son? It’s not your husband’s fault that your DS ‘refused’ to go. Your DS is either old enough to make his own decision, or you should have insisted and taken him anyway.

If I felt unwell I wouldn’t be going out to a lunch either. Nor would I be forced by my spouse to apologize for being ill, and treated like a naughty child.

How rude and inconsiderate for him to become unwell, did he not know that your mother had made lunch? You must make it clear to him that he is completely obligated to stick to plans without any flexibility or compassion, the only exception is if he's seconds from dying.

YABU entirely. I'm sure your mother was happy to see the remaining 3 of you regardless of your partner's reprehensible illness.

It was unfortunately your DH was unwell, but not rude of him not to go. It would have been polite for him to message your DM to pass on his apologies for not being able to make it.

Your DS is another matter. You are the parent and, depending on age, you should have made it clear it was unacceptable and impolite to drop out without a good reason and made him go with you.

I've been too ill to make dinner at MILs house before so she plated some up for me for DH to bring home. She's lovely

My ds2 is 7 years old. He and my husband are very close and therefore he copies his df.

I dont blame him for being ill. The fact had been out for a run that morning, been to church and then decides he is too ill to have lunch at my parents annoyed me. He didnt let them know he wasnt coming either. A text would have sufficed.

If your DH was genuinely unwell YABU. If he was malingering HWBU.

However, the DC mimicking his behaviour is where I'd draw the line; in our house if the DC are committed to something they're not allowed to flake out unless genuinely unwell. The whole "just can't be bothered" thing is disrespectful.

Why didn't you just apologise for him and say he's unwell? Unless he does this often, yabu

You could still have taken your ds anyway.

Your son is 7. He doesn’t “refuse” - you tell him to get his coat on or consequences.

I think it's fair enough your DH stayed home if he's ill. At least he isn't spreading the illness to your parents. DS2 should have been told he needs to go imo.

If DH was genuinely ill, fair enough, he should stay at home. Your son, at 7, shouldn't have had a choice in the matter. It was rude to allow that behaviour from a 7 yr old child.

It's not rude if he genuinely felt ill. Sometimes we think we're OK, do other stuff in the morning and then realise it's beaten us. Your mum made lunch but it's not that big a deal if it's only one person that doesn't go.

Your son, though, is another matter. He's seven. He shouldn't get to to decide to stay at home just because he wants to copy daddy, ffs! Why on earth did you let him? That's on you, not your DH and his sore throat.

If he’s ill then he’s ill.
Your DS is another matter. At 7 he goes where he’s told to go. I wouldn’t have let him stay at home.

Eh? How is it rude that he was ill?

Why would he need to send them a text of you were going anyway?

"the fact had been out for a run that morning, been to church and then decides he is too ill to have lunch at my parents annoyed me."

I think this is a question about prioritisation of energy and commonsense. If you're feeling a bit iffy, and you know someone is going the extra mile to cook for you, you skip the running to make sure you don't let them down. It sounds as though you suspect him of faking the illness, which is even worse if true!

As a pp said, your DH should've conserved some energy if he wasn't feeling 100%. The running then dropping out of lunch would've annoyed me too. Your son should've been made to come. They don't get to just decide to drop out of stuff at 7!

Why did he go for a run if he was ill-sounds like an excuse to me-and dont you decide where you dc go not them?

why did he need to let them know he wasn't coming - they're your parents, you tell them!

Maybe after the run and church he didn't feel well.

Your 7 year old needs to do as he's told, he doesn't get to bail out because his dad's not going.

It all sounds very painful and unnecessary.

The fact had been out for a run that morning, been to church and then decides he is too ill to have lunch at my parents annoyed me

That would annoy the hell out of me too. He has a sore throat, FFS! Sounds like my 7 year old. Yes, if you’re ill it’s fair enough to cancel...but, as an adult, if someone’s pit themselves out for you, then “ill” means “couldn’t go to work” rather than “feel marginally under the weather”.

He didnt let them know he wasnt coming either. A text would have sufficed.

You were still going though, weren't you? Surely you'd be able to tell them, no need for him to tell them himself.

Does he have form? This was my Father's party trick to get out of anything he did not want to go to.