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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think my dh was rude

120 replies

Thisismydilemma · 16/09/2019 09:30

This week my parents invited dh, myself and our 4 dc to lunch. All good. However, at the last minute when we are getting up to leave my dh lies in bed and says he has a sore throat and refuses to come. I think this is exceptionally rude behaviour and told him he needs to apologize to my dm who had a prepared a lovely lunch and tea for us all. Unfortunately my ds2 saw my dh's behaviour and decided he did not want to come either, so now 2 have dropped out from lunch. I am so annoyed at my husband for setting a poor example to our dc. Aibu?

OP posts:
Jog22 · 16/09/2019 10:59

I would think a critical question is how long were they ill for? On your return from your parents had they somehow 'got over' the worse? If so I would be seriously pissed off especially as your child will be learning how to fake illness to avoid situations.

hiphopchick · 16/09/2019 11:05

Yeah, SURE he was genuinely sick! Hmm

Typical man-stunt to get out of stuff they don't fancy doing.

Imagine if women did this??? Hmm

DoctorAllcome · 16/09/2019 11:06

Reminds me of that Monty Python skit about the tiger bite.
The whole it’s nothing, just carry on attitude
m.youtube.com/watch?v=rObSWkQA7og

CJsGoldfish · 16/09/2019 11:07

Meh.
Surely you just let them know when you get there that DH is ill. Is it really that big of a deal?

The 7 yr old wouldn't get a choice. He's 7!

Haffiana · 16/09/2019 11:08

I don't understand why you would let your children refuse to go? Why are you blaming your husband for your lack of discipline with your children?

This sounds passive aggressive to me.

Kaddm · 16/09/2019 11:08

He went for a run but was too ill to go to your parents’ house. Yet another man to add to the pile of self obsessed wankers who have:

No 1: Self and hobbies
Everything else: irrelevant

Kaddm · 16/09/2019 11:09

But there’s no way the 7yo should been allowed to copy a liar

DoctorAllcome · 16/09/2019 11:10

@hiphopchick
Women do also feign illness to get out of stuff. There a joke galore about women and “headaches”
This isn’t the exclusive province of men.

But at any rate, we don’t know if he was sick or not, so I tend to give him the benefit of the doubt.

Spingtrolls · 16/09/2019 11:12

We don't know for certain he was faking.

ddl1 · 16/09/2019 11:12

Depends on whether he was genuinely ill, or was just in a bad mood. Many people would prefer if people who are really ill do cancel, both for their own sakes and to avoid spreading germs everywhere. If it's just moodiness, then it is a bit rude.

MsMightyTitanAndHerTroubadours · 16/09/2019 11:14

I think your dh was rude, and you need to get a grip on your 7 year old tbh, what happens next time when the 7 year old doesn't want to go?

Being ill here means not well enough to get about your normal business, so having been up and out running and socialising at church very much indicates to me that he just cba to go to your parents, and I would have said so, to him and my parents.

DoctorAllcome · 16/09/2019 11:15

@Kaddm
“He went for a run but was too ill to go to your parents’ house. Yet another man to add to the pile of self obsessed wankers who have:

No 1: Self and hobbies
Everything else: irrelevant”

That’s overly harsh and judgemental, not to mention a huge stretch.
A friend of mine, Colonel K, got up one morning and went for a 5 mile run. They had a stomach ache so after coming home decided to eat a light breakfast. Fifteen minutes later, their appendix burst. They were rushed to hospital and operated on immediately. Colonel K ran five miles with acute appendicitis.

This is an extreme, but true case.

It’s not that uncommon to get up, do your morning routine and then get too ill to go out to lunch. We know that because every day thousands of people get up, go exercise, go to work and then have to come home sick.

So it is really evidence of your sexism that you think in the case of a man, this cannot happen and it means they are “self obsessed wankers”

Blondebakingmumma · 16/09/2019 11:16

I would have told DH that considering he was well enough to go for a run that you are disappointed to pull this excuse. The 7 year old would be told to get in the car

TatianaLarina · 16/09/2019 11:16

If he’s well enough for church a run he’s well enough for lunch.

You should have your children under control. They don’t drop out from lunch because you don’t allow them to.

notso · 16/09/2019 11:16

Typical man-stunt to get out of stuff they don't fancy doing.

Imagine if women did this???

Come off it, it's suggest on here all the time that a female poster fakes a minor illness to get out of something they don't want to do but are expected to.

Jenasaurus · 16/09/2019 11:17

I think it would be ruder to go to your parents lunch if he was unwell, he may have passed on germs and made them unwell

TatianaLarina · 16/09/2019 11:17

A sore throat is not appendifuckingcitis.

DoctorAllcome · 16/09/2019 11:19

Lots of poison pens on here thinking they can diagnose illness over the internet and calling the DH a liar and faker.
Why don’t you go help the people posting asking If they are pregnant? Since you have such psychic powers....

NoSauce · 16/09/2019 11:20

He doesn’t care for his MIL then?

CassianAndor · 16/09/2019 11:20

no, it's not but it can make you feel shit and it's possible that the mum wouldn't have fancied picking it up.

And it's perfectly possible that he started to feel ill during church. Have people never started the day OK and then gone downhill?

GabsAlot · 16/09/2019 11:22

How was he when you got back op

DoctorAllcome · 16/09/2019 11:23

“A sore throat is not appendifuckingcitis.”

No, but to Colonel K, it was “just a tummy ache/bug” and they ignored it to press on with business as normal and it almost killed them.

It’s wrong to assume that a sore throat is “just a sore throat”

Spingtrolls · 16/09/2019 11:24

Would be nice if op came back to say whether or not he also had an amazing recovery.

DoctorAllcome · 16/09/2019 11:26

@CassianAndor
“And it's perfectly possible that he started to feel ill during church. Have people never started the day OK and then gone downhill?”

I know, right? It’s happened to everyone I know. Even kids...school calls and you pick them up sick. These posters are acting like if you don’t feel sick at 7am, you are guaranteed to not feel sick for the rest of the day. Illness doesn’t work to a schedule. It can come on at any time.

SunshineAngel · 16/09/2019 11:26

My partner doesn't lie about being unwell BUT if we get invited to Sunday lunch he will still accept invites to go out drinking at his mates' on Saturday night, knowing full well he WON'T be well enough to get up for lunch the next day, while insisting he will. Sometimes he even gets up and dressed and I tell him not to bothered because him actually being ill at the meal would spoil it somewhat.

It wouldn't be so bad if he could stick to a couple of drinks on the Saturday, but honestly his mates are like a gang of teenagers even though there's in their 40s/50s.. they egg each other on.

For me, at least, it's not about whether he's telling the truth or not - I feel like we're a couple so we SHOULD go to things together. So I can understand why you're not happy about it.. but at the same time, if the illness was genuine, there isn't much he can do about it.

FWIW, I have tried to battle through colds and sore throats etc before. In fact I had a nasty bout of strep throat last year which I ignored for ages and felt SO ill. So even though I might have been up and about doing what I needed to do, I wouldn't in a million years have felt like facing the in laws.

Of course, if he's just made it up to get out of it, that's different.

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