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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think my dh was rude

120 replies

Thisismydilemma · 16/09/2019 09:30

This week my parents invited dh, myself and our 4 dc to lunch. All good. However, at the last minute when we are getting up to leave my dh lies in bed and says he has a sore throat and refuses to come. I think this is exceptionally rude behaviour and told him he needs to apologize to my dm who had a prepared a lovely lunch and tea for us all. Unfortunately my ds2 saw my dh's behaviour and decided he did not want to come either, so now 2 have dropped out from lunch. I am so annoyed at my husband for setting a poor example to our dc. Aibu?

OP posts:

misspiggy19 · 16/09/2019 11:28

The fact had been out for a run that morning, been to church and then decides he is too ill to have lunch at my parents annoyed me.

^He wasn’t ill, he just didn’t want to go.

yikesanotherbooboo · 16/09/2019 11:31

Your DH wasn't being rude if he was ill but there was no excuse for DS not to go and he shouldn't have been given any option.

Original poster

Thisismydilemma · 16/09/2019 11:34

He seems to have made a miracalous recovery and gone to work today 😏. He normally gets on well with the PIL. He said he didnt want to pass on his germs. I understand that, but why did he not give me any notice so one of could of let them know in advance.

I agree I should have made the 7 year old go, I just didnt have any fight left in me at the time to argue the point after a hard day at work yesterday. I hoped dh would back me and help to get him out, but he lay there pretending to sleep 😣

When I got back they were watching films and eating crisps and had been out playing football in the garden together 🤔

Am I making a mountain out a molehill here?

OP posts:

Spingtrolls · 16/09/2019 11:35

The fact had been out for a run that morning, been to church and then decides he is too ill to have lunch at my parents annoyed me.

^He wasn’t ill, he just didn’t want to go.

Never had a sudden illness? Been fine all day and at 8:32pm out of nowhere, you are ill? If so can you share your secret so others can plan ahead?

Spingtrolls · 16/09/2019 11:36

If you had posted all of that in the op, then you wouldn't have been unreasonable.

AryaStarkWolf · 16/09/2019 11:37

When I got back they were watching films and eating crisps and had been out playing football in the garden together

Yeah that would really annoy me actually. Clearly he lied to you because he didn't want to go, if he didn't want to go he should have just said that and he should have backed you up with you DS aswell. I think the lying would piss me off more than anything else, like your his mother and he's pretending to be sick to get off school or something, I wouldn't like that sort of dynamic in my relationship

seaweedandmarchingbands · 16/09/2019 11:39

I think you are. If it happens again, then you’ve got a point. Maybe he just really needed some time at home.

WonderWomansSpin · 16/09/2019 11:41

He was rude. He seems to have lied and he gave a poor example to the DCs.
If he didn't want to go he should have been honest
On the plus side, the next time he has a dull family event, you can opt out and stay home watching movies.

Nanny0gg · 16/09/2019 11:44

No. He lied.

And was rude.

CassianAndor · 16/09/2019 11:46

something makes me think that the OP didn't get the answers she wanted, hence her second post...

Spingtrolls · 16/09/2019 11:47

So do I Cassian.

leafyskyline · 16/09/2019 11:58

YANBU at all OP. Your DS and DH were in the garden playing football whilst 'too ill' to go to your DPs. Terrible example to set for your DCs.

I would be cross too.

Redwinestillfine · 16/09/2019 11:59

I think you need to cut your DH some slack. You should have insisted your ds came though, but you know that. Your DH missing sends the message he is ill, both missing screams they can't be bothered....

EmmiJay · 16/09/2019 12:01

Ugh. He could have taken a paracetamol, pulled his pants up and gone.🙄 YANBU.

HugoSpritz · 16/09/2019 12:06

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Goodlookingcreature · 16/09/2019 12:09

As an adult, I spend my weekends how I see fit. If I’m working hard all week, feel a bit meh on a weekend, I’ll do what I feel like and not feel obligated to anyone else.

sweeneytoddsrazor · 16/09/2019 12:11

If a woman didn't want to go to her MIL for lunch she would be told thats fine you don't have to, let DH take the kids you have some me time, its an invitation not a summons and so on. The man in this case may or may not have been genuinely ill, but the fact that so many people are saying he was rude not to go and the type of apology he is expected to make for not going probably shows why he lied.

StarlingsInSummer · 16/09/2019 12:15

I wouldn't expect to text if my husband were going anyway - I'd expect him to make my apologies. I'd do it for DH if he were ill. I would have insisted on DS coming though.

I do get that it's annoying that he was able to do stuff in the moring then felt too ill to go out to lunch, but maybe he felt ok until after he'd been at church? Sometimes you don't feel ill as soon as you get up in the morning.

CookPassBabtridge · 16/09/2019 12:26

I don't why he needed to text, it's your family so just let them know yourself or turn up without him and explain then.

ChaosisntapitChaosisaladder19 · 16/09/2019 12:32

I started yesterday with a sore throat as the day progressed I felt progressively worse my glands started to swell my body ached. I felt fine on the morning so I would say you're being unreasonable.

VapeVamp12 · 16/09/2019 12:37

I don't know why people want people to do things they dont want to. If my DH said he was "ill" or didn't want to come to something I'd just accept it and go. Apologise on his behalf.

I'd expect the same from him with no fuss.

I hate dragging people to things (kids are different!) that they don't want to be at. Whats the point?!

Huskylover1 · 16/09/2019 12:39

7 year old children do what they are told. HTH.

Ellisandra · 16/09/2019 12:43

The mountain is you just caving in to a SEVEN year old.

Your husband is a liar and that sort of shit would slowly destroy my relationship.

AryaStarkWolf · 16/09/2019 12:43

I don't know why people want people to do things they dont want to. If my DH said he was "ill" or didn't want to come to something I'd just accept it and go. Apologise on his behalf.

I'd expect the same from him with no fuss.

I hate dragging people to things (kids are different!) that they don't want to be at. Whats the point?!

The point is he should have said originally, no I don't want to spend my Sunday off at your mothers. Not said he'd go, then a few minutes before lie about being too sick in front of your 7 year old, witnessing him do the same thing and let him get away with it, in fact reward him for his lying/pretending to be sick with games, movies and junk food.....that'd be my issue with it

TatianaLarina · 16/09/2019 12:53

Am I making a mountain out a molehill here?

No. He lied, disrespected your parents, and playing football is just taking the piss.

I’d have hit the roof.

You are making a mountain out of a 7 year old’s refusal tho. You don’t have to ‘fight’ you just say no and put him in the car.

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