Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think my dh was rude

120 replies

Thisismydilemma · 16/09/2019 09:30

This week my parents invited dh, myself and our 4 dc to lunch. All good. However, at the last minute when we are getting up to leave my dh lies in bed and says he has a sore throat and refuses to come. I think this is exceptionally rude behaviour and told him he needs to apologize to my dm who had a prepared a lovely lunch and tea for us all. Unfortunately my ds2 saw my dh's behaviour and decided he did not want to come either, so now 2 have dropped out from lunch. I am so annoyed at my husband for setting a poor example to our dc. Aibu?

OP posts:
NoSquirrels · 16/09/2019 13:11

I think you're being unreasonable about the "needing notice" and making him send a text - did your Mum give you a hard time about it?

In my house, if we were going for Sunday lunch at my parents and DH didn't want to come (because he felt "ill" after a run and another activity, which I too would be a bit Hmm about) then I would leave him behind, explain to my parents on arrival, everyone would eat his roast potatoes and have second helpings of pudding and I would come home with a portion of pudding for him that I wouldn't think he deserved but my Mum would insist on sending and I would grudgingly accept! Grin

However, if my 7 year old didn't want to come, I would be having strong words and they would 100% be coming with. So YABU to have caved on that one.

To be honest, sounds a bit odd that you left the 7-year-old behind with your DH when he was ostensibly "asleep".

(It wouldn't happen in my house anyway, as my DH would have to be at death's door not to turn up for a roast at my parents'. He'd be there, enjoying all the attention for feeling a bit ill, and still miraculously managing to eat his dinner Grin)

Cheeseandwin5 · 16/09/2019 13:13

So you would have preferred if he and gone and infected everyone?

AryaStarkWolf · 16/09/2019 13:18

So you would have preferred if he and gone and infected everyone?

Seems to be a lie according to the OPs update

WonderWomansSpin · 16/09/2019 13:19

Cheese he wasn't ill. He played football in the garden with the DS and went to work today.

BrendasUmbrella · 16/09/2019 13:19

Well, he got a pass on a family lunch he didn't want to go to, so feel free to do the same with his family at some point.

Aprillygirl · 16/09/2019 13:20

Your DM would have catered for him and your DS so for them to pull out at the last minute for a (supposed) poxy sore throat was rude yes.

Nanny0gg · 16/09/2019 13:21

As an adult, I spend my weekends how I see fit. If I’m working hard all week, feel a bit meh on a weekend, I’ll do what I feel like and not feel obligated to anyone else.

Then don't accept invitations if you're not going to show up.

Rude.

Heartofglass12345 · 16/09/2019 13:26

It wouldn't bother me. They are your family, not his. I would've taken the 7 year old though. My husband took our boys to his parents on a Sunday on his own for the first time a few weeks ago and it was lovely Grin I watched Netflix and carpet cleaned my sons room lol. I get on with them, I just don't always want to go over there!

Lunde · 16/09/2019 13:38

The fact that he managed to play football with the 7 year old while you were out at lunch makes it clear that it was a lie and he wasn't actually ill.

I would be concerned about the way that his behaviour is actually teaching your 7 year old that it's OK to lie!

QueSera · 16/09/2019 14:02

Reminds me of a boss I used to have - whenever anyone called in sick, he'd say "That's odd, they seemed fine yesterday" Hmm

AryaStarkWolf · 16/09/2019 14:06

Then don't accept invitations if you're not going to show up.

Rude.

Yeah exactly, it's not the fact he didn't want to go, if he didn't want to go he should have said that earlier, not lied about it a few minutes before they were due to leave. If he was sick then that's fair enough but he clearly wasn't sick

Durgasarrow · 16/09/2019 14:26

Your husband was sick. Your son wasn't. You should have made him go.

AryaStarkWolf · 16/09/2019 14:30

@QueSera and @Durgasarrow if you read the OPs update, it was clear her DH wasn't actually sick either

CassianAndor · 16/09/2019 14:33

I'm going to remain sceptical about the OP's 'update' Arya.

80daysaroundtheworld · 16/09/2019 14:41

Illness or not - going round for sunday lunch is a pretty long affair, isn't it. There is the journey and the eating and the sitting around afterwards

It is pretty much the whole day gone - 50% of his weekend, doing something that he might not be that fussed about

I do not think it is the end of the world to bow out of this - cut him a bit of slack I say

I say this because yesterday we spent almost the entire day either travelling to, or attending, my inlaws childs birthday party and that is half of my weekend gone. Not my first choice of weekend activity

TatianaLarina · 16/09/2019 14:43

Decline the invite then, don’t just not show up on the day.

AryaStarkWolf · 16/09/2019 15:01

I'm going to remain sceptical about the OP's 'update' Arya.

Grin Fair enough, my opinion is based on it being truthful of course

CassianAndor · 16/09/2019 15:05

well, that's usually my starting point, too, but it's the whole phrasing that's getting to me. And that this happened yesterday.

MandalaYogaTapestry · 16/09/2019 16:08

A sore throat is barely an excuse to miss a pre-arranged lunch - especially since it is with family where you can relax as opposed to a work lunch. Yes, DH is being rude and I would be offended.

Bluntness100 · 16/09/2019 16:52

To be honest if my husband wasn't feeling up to it, I'd not have made him send a text if I was going, I find that weird, I'd simply explain on arrival, or texted myself as they are my parents. It expect him to do the same with his

I'd also have made my son go. I think you need to take equal responsibility there.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Join Mumsnet Log In

This thread is closed and is no longer accepting replies. Click here to start a new thread.

Swipe left for the next trending thread