To think my dh was rude

[Thisismydilemma]

This week my parents invited dh, myself and our 4 dc to lunch. All good. However, at the last minute when we are getting up to leave my dh lies in bed and says he has a sore throat and refuses to come. I think this is exceptionally rude behaviour and told him he needs to apologize to my dm who had a prepared a lovely lunch and tea for us all. Unfortunately my ds2 saw my dh's behaviour and decided he did not want to come either, so now 2 have dropped out from lunch. I am so annoyed at my husband for setting a poor example to our dc. Aibu?

"You were still going though, weren't you? Surely you'd be able to tell them, no need for him to tell them himself."

Surely it's more polite to apologise personally as well though? I would be abjectly texting "I am so, so sorry but I don't think I'll be able to come this lunchtime. I've come down with an awful cold. Such as shame as I always look forward to your delicious yorkshire puds as a highlight of my week! I really hope we can catch up soon. So many apologies!" And then sending apologies on top!

Why did you allow your 7 year old to stay home too? He's 7

If he could run and go to church he could cope with lunch. His priorities were wrong and yes. He was rude.

But as for your son refusing to go. He wouldn't get to debate it - he goes.

"However, at the last minute when we are getting up to leave my dh lies in bed and says he has a sore throat and refuses to come."
Are you saying your DH got up, went for a run, went to church and then went back to bed and then decided he was too ill to get up and go to lunch at MIL's?

Sounds a bit odd to me.

verticality if I got (for example) a text from my BIL saying he couldn't come to lunch, rather than my sister simply telling me, I would think that most odd. And your apology is preposterously OTT.

Why could you not pass along his apologies?

The things he did prior to the lunch are immaterial. How many of us have been fine all day, done a full days work etc and later we come down with something? He could have been fine.

And a sore throat? He probably wouldn't have been able to eat even if he had shown up.

The child staying back could have easily been resolved - why don't we all go and leave him to rest?

@CassianAndor I do come from a pretty formal family!

If he's genuinely ill, fair enough. Why did I you let a 7 year old choose not to go though? You can hardly pin that on your dh!

Yes, it seems odd to go for a run, to church and then feel too ill to go out to lunch. But some things can come on very suddenly. Especially strep throat. I’ve got up, gone to work with a scratchy throat and then by 10am been in agony with a fever starting. So her DH could very well have been too ill to go to lunch AND if his sore throat were strep he would have been highly contagious too.

I don’t think the DH was being rude at all. It would be rude to go to lunch when sick and spread germs around.
Similarly it’s odd to demand he text the MIL to say he’s sick...op and dcs are going so she can easily tell them.

surely the apology should be handwritten, in that case verticality

If your husband is ill then he's ill. He knows how he feels not you so I'd assume he was telling the truth.

Your son however was not ill and you should have taken him with you. You are the parent.

@CassianAndor On vellum! With a quill!

why did he need to let them know he wasn't coming - they're your parents, you tell them!
And he's an adult and the one who was bailing out on an invitation, so why should she do it for him?
I think the key to this is what happened afterwards? Did he spend the afternoon watching the cricket and then make a miraculous recovery?
Did he go to work this morning?

If he was too ill to go to lunch then he was too ill to look after DS2 who shouldn't have been allowed to stay at home.

And it would have been nice if he'd sent a text.

(Not entirely sure I believe him, btw)

On the 7yr old...easy...you say nope you can’t stay home because daddy is sick and needs his rest. You have to come too. And I agree, it’s not your DHs fault that your 7yr is kicking up a fuss.

If he’s Ill he’s Ill as long as it’s not a recurring thing. No way would the 7 year old be allowed to stay home! You’re saying he’s copying as if you have no say in the matter. You should have told your son he was going.

Maybe once a year my husband pretends to believe I have a minor ailment on a day where we were supposed to be seeing his family. He goes and gets it done and then comes home with a treat for me because I'm ill.

It's a great day.

Massive fuss about nothing!

If DH is ill, he’s ill.

DS does has he’s told and gets in the car, none negotiable. Job done.

I really don’t see the big drama!!!

“why did he need to let them know he wasn't coming - they're your parents, you tell them!
And he's an adult and the one who was bailing out on an invitation, so why should she do it for him?”

Sorry but that is just PETTY as fuck. The whole attitude of she is going to see them anyway but she should REFUSE to pass on her DHs apologies “because he’s an adult” so why should she do even the smallest, tiniest, courteous favor for the man she loves? Christ I do this for co-workers that I do not even like the tiniest bit...if they get sick and go home but the boss is not around....I’m like “yeah I’ll let the boss know you went home sick”.
I’m not like “you’re an adult, last time I checked so do it yourself” it’s rude and petty.

Who on earth would send an apology like that? It is entirely possible he felt well enough to go for a run early in the morning but unwell by lunchtime. And you should have made the 7 year old go with you.

If DH is ill, he’s ill.

The key is he isn’t really ill.

Angelina because, as Doctor says, that would be ludicrously petty. If my DH couldn't make it to my mum's I would just tell her when we got there and then we could all eat his portion.

He obviously wasn’t ill, he just couldn’t be arsed with the in-laws. I can’t blame him tbh, I sometimes feign a sudden headache when DH says MIL will be visiting .

tbh, if the OP's mum is anything like the OP, I wouldn't want to go either.