To ask why I feel sex work is a bit wrong?

[sweatyscruffy]

So I'm fully preparing to get flamed here!
Bf came round last night, I asked her how it was going as her university friends have moved in with her and her dh for a while. Bf's friend was doing webcam work with her dp previously and they were continuing to earn an absolute mint doing it (£30,000 in three months once!) I don't really see anything wrong with it as it's doing what they do anyway with a few cameras filming. The other girl is a medical professional, also part time escort. My bf was telling me about it as if it was the best thing ever. Apparently the agency only takes on clients earning over £50,000, and only contracts girls who know how to talk to and entertain very rich men. It involves a lot of trips to London and Europe, occasionally Dubai. Maybe I sound jealous but the whole thing made me a bit sad. Yes she's a grown woman, yes she knows what she's doing but imagine having to pretend that you find these old men interesting or sexually attractive?
She apparently specifies 40+ men only so she gets the really rich ones so I bet there's a good chance a lot of them are married, not that it's her fault they're choosing to sleep with prostitutes. I try so hard to be ok with it and think of it as feminist but I still feel it's a bit seedy. I'm trying so hard to not judge!

None of your business what they do to earn really, as long as she’s not being forced into it?

Obviously not. I'm more asking why I can't get my head round it. I'm not saying that she shouldn't do it. Just what is it in me that thinks it's not the best way to earn money. More of a self reflection really.

This is the teeniset tiniest tip of a mountain of shit. It sounds like she isn't poor, addicted, coerced or trafficked so very different to other women who do it. The other precedent tends to be child abuse, which you wouldn't necessarily know about.

If this was all the prostitution there was, I'd still be opposed because of the inherent dangers (try health and safety with that work) and the psychology of treating women as commodities. I'm inherently opposed to renting or selling the inside of people's bodies, whether that's selling organs, surrogacy or prostitution. But I'd see the other side.

Fact is your knowledge of this is the absolute most rare and privileged end of it. I've worked with sex workers injecting heroin into their neck because they don't have veins left and they can't face working without it (she died).

Of course it’s seedy. And in my opinion, damaging for her self esteem. And potentially unsafe due to STDs and risk of assault. You are allowed an opinion, though obviously it’s her business what she does .

Sex work is work, you know that. She doesn’t have to do it and is happy to do so.

You’re right, you’re just reflecting how you feel about it and entitled to an opinion but everyone’s different. Pack it away.

Sex work is work

Catchy, but nonsense.

Could never do it, and never would but if she's wanting to do it of her own free will (obviously would be totally different if she was forced to, never OK) if was something she wanted to do that's up to her surely.
Each to their own.

It’s seedy and helps prop up the really nasty, abusive side of prostitution and porn.

Shes selling herself at the end of the day . You can't get any lower than that, its seedy and sad at the same time.

Because it is absolutely wrong that men should be able to buy women to use to spunk into. However it's dressed up.

Sounds grim. Find new friends and move on.

Sex work is work yes, of course it is, and TWAW and there really is a Santa and this time next year we’ll be millionaires Rodney.

I've come into contact with real life sex workers recently.

I wish them well. I hate the men who hire/ rent women's bodies. Like they are a thing

“Sex work” is a bullshit term. Anyone paying for sex is a rapist.

Because it is absolutely wrong that men should be able to buy women to use to spunk into. However it's dressed up

Exactly

Then we here the lines it’s the oldest profession (nonsense) , the stories of women who have felt in control and become rich (very very few) and how for some men it’s just a bit of company 🙄

Until society changes attitudes that men have to have sex it will always be justified

I don’t think there will be a time when there isn’t a sex industry but I hope we move on to thinking more about the impact on those working in it and how nasty and often dangerous and violent the vast majority of the work actually is - and this might stop so many men taking advantage of so many vulnerable young women (and young men and children - we must not forget many are not adults)

Why do you need to think of it as feminist?

There are feminists who are pro sex work, there are feminists who are anti prostitution and porn.

Don't feel bad that your personal views on sex lead you to feel uncomfortable about escorting. You are entitled to your boundaries. You don't have to agree with every choice a woman makes.

Why do you feel this way?

I don't know, maybe it's reducing oneself to a commodity or the idea of having sex with someone you don't love or even just fancy. It could be a wider philosophical view. Only you know.

I've had friends who've done BDSM for money, porn magazines in the old days, I've worked with prostitutes male and female for decades. It's not 'work'. I'm sorry but it's not. It's like nothing else. There are many studies outlining the causes of and results of prostitution and trauma, pre- and post- is the defining factor.

It's funny because even though I've met probably hundreds of workers, I've never met any of the trauma-free, empowerfulised women who are so beloved of people justifying sex work. I've met a lot of sick, poor, addicted, trauma-impacted, coerced women and boys. LOTS of them.

My one friend who did domination was the least damaged but you don't go into being a dominatrix without something having happened to you.

Women as a commodity has no place in an enlightened society....... Sadly it shows that humanity (of the mainly male variety) has a very long way to go

I used to believe sex work should be a woman’s prerogative. That restricting a way a woman could make money in our patriarchal society was unfair. Then I spent a little time learning about the reality of pay for prostitutes where prostitution is legal. They are absolutely being exploited and it is mostly men making money off of them. It needs to stop.

And if sex work is work, then any man on unemployment should have no choice but to take a job working as a bottom or risk losing benefits. Sound crazy? That’s because sex work is not work.

Anyone paying for sex is a rapist.

No. I know a very disabled man who uses sex workers as women don’t look twice at him due to his disability. What’s wrong with him sharing a bed with someone who gives him what’s known as a girlfriend experience?

there will be long term damage to the person's self esteem.
it's unhealthy to a person's mental, physical, emotional, spiritual and social health.
don't be fooled by the financial "talk" which is probably bunk.
would you want your daughter or son to be a prostitute? no

What’s wrong with him sharing a bed with someone who gives him what’s known as a girlfriend experience?

MorganKitten it is not a girlfriend experience, it is a fuck, not a date. The woman is not his girlfriend.

What’s wrong with him sharing a bed with someone who gives him what’s known as a girlfriend experience?

He's fucking someone who he knows wouldn't fuck him if he didn't pay. That's what's wrong.

Anyone paying for sex is a rapist.

Errrm... how do you figure that one out if she consents, wants to do it, like the OP said? If it's consenting, it's not raping at all.
For the record, I said I would never do it but that doesn't mean I automatically think nobody would do it.

I wouldn't bother trying to get my head around it. You'll probably get a lot of women here saying yeah, it's seedy. But what do you hope to gain from that, really? Validation? Satisfaction? Whatever the case its your friend's choice and life. But you do have a choice to no longer be friends with her if you don't want to hear about it and don't approve. You seem interested in the money bit of it tho...

Prostitution is as old as time. I've known some women who've done it and said never again. I've known some who've done it and are fine. Not broken and traumatised. One size doesn't fit all. We are all different.