To Tell Friend To Feed Her Child Properly

[ChilledBee]

I have a friend with a four year old son. He's very small for his age and her HV and GP have made suggestions about how to change this. She isn't vegan but eats meat seldom and only shops organic and local. She makes these dishes which are foreign type stews with things like aubergine and squash (I eat/cook these things too) and will sprinkle some feta or another cheese on top. Or something with spinach and lentils. It isn't awful but for an acquired taste. My DH says it Italy seems like a side dish and he is waiting for the joint of slow cooked meat and some potatoes to accompany it. Any meat is organic/free range butcher ordered so very expensive and rarely eaten. She is very much into ethical shopping/farming/eating.

The trouble is, when I see the vegetables,they are often old (she gets a lot of home grown produce from her own allotment or that of friends) so I imagine the nutrients are depleted. Her son barely eats any of the food she gives him and she does worry about that because he's not only small but has some vitamin deficiencies too. But she thinks it has something else going on rather then he just doesn't like the food she makes.

Last week, she had to unfortunately stay in hospital for several days (10) with her mother who was touch and go. Her son stayed with me and even though it was something completely unfamiliar, he settled in well. She gave no dietary instructions so I just fed him like I do my own kids (3,3 and 1) on home cooked meals cooked from scratch (spaghetti bolognese,shepherds pie, burgers and chips) and he wolfed it down. In fact, the first day he came he had seconds and ice cream and jelly afterwards (pudding isn't routine in our house). I am embarrassed to say that I weighed him that night and the day before he went home. He gained 5lbs! My DH felt that I was out of order weighing him but I have to say that seeing him eat like that made me want to prove something I'd suspected all along.

I want to tell her that her son badly needs to eat food he likes and is healthy for a child. She often refers to childhood obesity but I think she underestimates the amount of fat and carbs a growing child needs. I know she feels quite isolated by her HV and GP who have sort of threatened her with SS (she says) but won't refer her for the medical investigations she wants. Her sister had 'failure to thrive' and was later found to have cerebral palsy which contributed to this but it isn't a hereditary condition which could explain her son's small stature. My DH doesn't think she is mentally stable. I think she is precious at best.

Would you say something?

[Jellybeansincognito]

I’m getting the vibe here that you don’t like food from other countries? Just because you wouldn’t have been served it, it doesn’t make it wrong. We all parent differently.

Your behaviour towards this child is really bizarre, weighing him before and then after the time he spent with you is not something that I would have considered as normal.

[ChilledBee]

@popehilarious

It would be wholesome food if he ate it. He doesn't eat it though. She agrees that he is a fussy/picky eater. And no, as a child, I didn't appreciate food with complex or overwhelming flavours. Kids have more tastebuds than adults I read once and people who stay picky eaters often have this abundance of taste buds which mean they find certain flavours and textures too much to handle.

My niece would eat the hottest curries at 4 or 5. Kids are different. This one seems not to like food which has a stewy texture and lots of spice.

[StockTakeFucks]

I would also wonder if you have a skewed idea of a healthy weight for a child.

The GP and HV are also concerned. Do they also have a skewed idea of a healthy weight?

The kid is small. He's not thriving. He has vitamin deficiencies. He doesn't eat the food.

It's irrelevant how adventurous,healthy or nutritious it might be for any of the PO's or their kids. It's not working for this kid.

And a change in diet should be the first point if call before tests and investigations.

[LazyFace]

Your food sounds like the reason there's an obesity problem. I rat very little meat, cook it about once a week and cook mostly veg. Anc the children have to (and do) eat what I provide.
Of course if they chose it's be chips and other crap all the time.
They're not malnourished.
Spag bol is not a wholesome meal. I do cook pasta as I'm lazy but it's not a healty meal, really.

[leomama81]

A lot of people seem to want to jump on OP here while missing the point that the child has nutrition issues not because she says so but because the doctor and HV say so. So whether or not you think North African stews sound great, there is clearly an issue with the child's eating.

[titchy]

Well, I'm pretty sure the rate of starvation and malnutrition is higher in North and East Africa than in the UK . What a ridiculous comment

WTF!!!!! Are you really so thick that you think the causes of famine and starvation in some African countries is because they don't have chips available? Fuck me some people are stupid.

[Lockheart]

Her cooking DOES sound lovely, it really does.

But it's fuck-all use if her DS won't eat it.

If her DS isn't eating properly she should be taking steps to change that.

And there's really nothing wrong with bolognese or shepherds pie. They're perfectly healthy and balanced when done right, just like every other recipe in existence.

[ChilledBee]

@titchy

He was 9lb8oz at birth. I think he's dropped a few centiles since aged 2. He looks about 3 but he's just started reception.

[isadoradancing123]

Doesnt matter if his mums food is 100% healthy, he is not eating it

[Purpleartichoke]

If her HV and GP are threatening Ss then this is likely a failure to thrive situation. In that case, I would consider calling SS yourself.

[EdWinchester]

You sound judgy and weird.

Did you seriously weigh him?

[SciFiGirl]

Whether or not she’s concerned about vitamin deficiencies she needs to change his diet. I agree with you OP as a child I wouldn’t have eaten that sort of food either. My suggestion would be to have them both over for dinner or just mention how good He was and how well he ate. Nothing more you can do without causing an argument I’m afraid.

[HugsAreMyDrugs]

I think people are too focussed on the foreign aspect here. There is nothing wrong with making meals from other cultures but it's pointless if he's not eating it.

I would just tell her how much he enjoyed his food whilst he was there. It might encourage her to start making meals he will eat.

[ethelfleda]

Well, I'm pretty sure the rate of starvation and malnutrition is higher in North and East Africa than in the UK hmm. What a ridiculous comment

And this is an ignorant comment!!
You think the rate of malnutrition in these countries is from lack of burger, chips and shepherds pie?

[Jellybeansincognito]

I don’t understand your last comment- it works in other countries, for other children. You’re walking incredibly fine ground with your comments here OP, you need to be incredibly careful before you dig yourself a bigger hole.

[popehilarious]

"Hotter spices" you mean chilli then?
It's hard from your posts to work out exactly what the problem is, other than you think he doesn't eat at home because he didn't like the "foreign" meals. you keep mentioning vegan when it sounds mainly vegetarian.
Did he eat everything you gave him over the 10 days or was he still picky?

[Jellybeansincognito]

@ethelfleda if only the issue was a dislike of the local food hey.
Just awful.

[Kazooboohoo]

Her menu sounds much healthier than yours,

Only when you don't consider portions. A tiny helping of what should be a Greek starter is less healthy than a whacking portion of spag bol.

[Jamhandprints]

Maybe he'll be getting school dinners now he's started school. That might help too.

[MotherFuckingLanguages]

What’s so bad about being thin?

[CassianAndor]

You would if that’s what you’d been used to since day one.

I wouldn’t have eaten a lot of the things DD does at her age, because they weren’t my ‘normal’.

You know any awful lot about this child’s history with his weight.

[ethelfleda]

Spag bol is not a wholesome meal. I do cook pasta as I'm lazy but it's not a healty meal, really

This -
Unless it’s made with wholewheat pasta which doesn’t spike your blood sugar in the same way.
Red meat isn’t great for you but I don’t think once or twice a week is bad

Kids do need protein and fat.
But there is a lot of food in between lentil stews and beef mince bolognese that is well balanced and healthy!

[Celebelly]

We have homemade burgers pretty often - made with turkey mince and apricot, no added salt, and served with sweet potato fries (just sliced sweet potato drizzled in cinnamon, again no salt). I'm not sure how that would be unhealthy –my 7mo DD has it along with us! The OP literally said these foods are homemade so I'm not sure why there's all the hand-wringing about jars of sauce and loads of salt... that's not what she made.

It sounds like he has a miserable time tbh if he's being served food that he won't eat when there are concerns about his weight in the first place. Maybe give her the recipe for something you made under the guise of 'Oh he enjoyed this loads, let me give you the recipe...'

[ethelfleda]

jellybeans perhaps we should be campaigning for more McDonald’s in sub-Saharan Africa?

[ChilledBee]

I don’t understand your last comment- it works in other countries, for other children. You’re walking incredibly fine ground with your comments here OP, you need to be incredibly careful before you dig yourself a bigger hole.

I don't understand what you mean. My friend cooks spicy stews for her child and he doesn't eat them and eats so little that he's worryingly small for his age according to at least 2 professionals. She cooks a very particular style of food which I do think contributes to his poor eating as I mentioned the vegetables are often old (months old in some cases) and the flavours are complex.

I cook with herbs and spices like fresh basil, dill, rosemary and mint. If I were to go out now to eat, I'd go for some Korean food (my favourite). But this is a kid we are talking about. If he didn't have health issues, this thread wouldn't exist.