For starters YOUR idea of what constitutes healthy food actually isn't necessarily! White carbs, red meat, few veg is not healthy. Also weird that you think you can tell nutritional content from LOOKING at a vegetable! Organic/home grown/locally sourced veg is actually likely to be MORE nutritious. Supermarket veg is heavily manipulated to look how consumers THINK "good" veg should look but it's not particularly nutritious. Much of it has been stored/transported AGES ago but because of certain "tricks" it looks fresh.
For another (coming from someone with LOTS of experience looking after other people's kids inc as a nanny and cminder) children will often eat better at someone else's partly out of politeness (reluctant to say no) and partly because DIFFERENT food can be appealing purely because it's different - novelty value.
There are reasons for concern but it sounds as if GP and HV are on the case.
But if you stick your oar in she doesn't need to have any more to do with you if she doesn't wish to.
Whereas currently you MIGHT be able to gently influence her to do better if you offend her and she takes umbrage then you have no influence anyway.
Also maybe there IS something wrong with her child?
I have a dd who is very very slim and eats me out of house and home! She has a disability that wasn't diagnosed until she was nearly 12 that means she has a high metabolism, plus her body is constantly working really hard to keep her mobile and dealing with the pain she's in every day in addition to the growing aspect - which is also affected by her disability, she's very tall and still growing. Another issue is that she can't manage to eat a "big" meal in one go because of how this affects her stomach due to her disability. So she is a grazer as that suits her body better, so she effectively has 5-6 small meals per day plus snacks.
I had grief from certain quarters (including Drs and HV and especially ex - which was a pisstake as he barely fed her when he had her and when I'd get her back from his she'd often lost significant amounts of weight!)
I did umpteen food diaries (inc amounts) and had many "discussions" about it until we got the diagnosis.
It's really frustrating knowing you are feeding your child plenty and good food but being regarded with suspicion by others.
And as a vegetarian of over 30 years who has been both slim and overweight AND who has gestated, given birth to and bf for almost 10 months while veggie I get mightily pissed off at the WRONG assumption that only a diet with meat at least once if not twice a day can be healthy/sufficient! I WISH being veggie automatically meant slim and healthy!
Not to mention the "foreign" comment - wtf!!
And before some bright spark tries to equate that with dds condition, her disability is genetic. Just bad luck her dad and I both carriers but not (to the best of my knowledge) sufferers. If anything I'm pretty sure my sister, dad and aunt were/are undx with the same condition for a variety of reasons but don't suffer as badly as dd unfortunately does.
"You don't gain 5 lbs of healthy weight in a week!" I completely agree! Especially at that age! That'd be a helluva weight gain for an adult!
"Shepherds pie & bolognese are healthy aren't they?" Depends very much on quality of ingredients and how they were made - there's HUGE variation!
Eg if my mum made them there'd be no vegetables in them except for a tiny amount of tomatoes in the bolognese sauce and the meat would tend to the more fatty and the pasta would be white pasta. The potato topping on the shepherds pie would also have loads of butter and salt and probably cheese on top too. The spag Bol proportions would be about 3 X as much pasta as sauce and there'd be a hefty amount of (cheddar) cheese on that too. Dd loves eating at grans sometimes but acknowledges if she ate there all the time she'd be huge! Mum and dad both overweight, mum always has been and dad became so when he retired from his manual job but kept eating the same.
Whereas if I made meat version for my omni dd the shepherds pie would have not too fatty meat in, there'd also be peas, onions and carrots in the mince mix and nowhere near as much butter in the mash and no cheese.
Spag Bol again not fatty meat, tomatoes, peppers and onion in the sauce (a lot more herbs and far less salt too), there'd be about equal amounts of pasta to sauce if not more sauce than pasta and the pasta would be wholewheat. A little Parmesan on top but not loads.
My mums a lovely cook in terms of taste but she is very much of her generation (she's in her 70's) in terms of her beliefs on nutrition. She developed type 2 diabetes a few years back and I'll give her dues she's put it in remission by changing her diet - to a degree. But mainly smaller portions rather than changing how she cooks (except we did finally get her to stop frying in lard!)