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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

FIL let DS5 have his ipad

155 replies

Tajmahalmarble · 15/09/2019 12:56

DS is 5. He has the iPad when we are flying or in a situation where it’s difficult for a 5 year old to keep still for a long time. School “rule”. DS has always been very good about this. Asks occasionally but gets told it’s only for special occasions etc.

MIL and FIL are here. They are here for their benefit. They needed to do something in our city and we’re a free place to stay. Yesterday I took MIL to do this task (was dropping her off and picking he’d up later) and FIL said he’d look after DS. He knows about the iPad. When I got back DS was playing a fighting game on FIL’s iPad. I took it off him and he was very angry. I’ve never seen him like that. He kept saying he needed to kill the opponent. He’s FIVE!

FIL was asleep.

Discussion about it last night and MIL and FIL admit that although the game wasn’t suitable, not having an iPad is “cruel” because “they all have them these days”

Do they? Do all five year olds have iPads?

Am I being U by sticking to what the school advise?

OP posts:
Original poster
Tajmahalmarble · 15/09/2019 13:42

What other rules do they expect parents to follow in their own homes?

School bedtime (7.00pm)
Uniform
Hair style
Homework obvs but none other than set (no tutoring)
Types of foods preferred
List of tv programmes preferred
List if bedtime reading preferred
Table rules (basic manners really)

OP posts:
CoinOperatedBoy · 15/09/2019 13:43

My kids primary school is a bit technology obsessed - aren't they all like this now?

My DS7 has "computer morning" once a week, and is sent home with apps to download and log in details. All the class are on them and they have "maths battles" etc. He LOVES it and is always in the lead out of everyone in Year3 (but then he's a maths whizz, does not get it from me).

The school uses electronic payment systems and electronic letters and notices through 3 apps (plus e-mails and texts) all parents are expected to have all these on their phones and keep a look out (think this is a bit far myself & it gets very confusing but hey ho).

DS7 is very very very very addicted to his tablet though (kid youtubers who do gaming channels and other stupid stuff) and I am working on reducing his screen time. He uses my google account and I monitor everything he does. But, as a very stressed out, knackered single mum, no friends, no help, also dealing with 3 year old with an on going illness I do give in way too much and he has a couple of hours every night for my own sanity.

Wouldn't be happy with the violent games though. No way. I don't think YABU when a grandparent goes against your parenting rules either. Mine do it allllllll the flipping time with junk food and sweets that would feet a whole class and it makes me want to scream. I think I have screamed.

youarenotkiddingme · 15/09/2019 13:43

I'd be surprised if many parents refused screen time for their 5yo on the schools say so! Shock

An hour a day is fine and can be instead of TV (which people seem to forget nowadays is also a screen).

Yanbu to be annoyed he was playing a fighting game whilst FIL slept.

rubyroot · 15/09/2019 13:44

Seriously who cares what other five year olds have/do this is not about them

Morgan12 · 15/09/2019 13:44

Every single 6 year old boy in my DS class play Fortnite. And some of the girls aswell. So I can't get worked up about the fighting game. What was it actually called?

Honestly I feel sorry for him. Its 2019. Get the kid an iPad. What's actually wrong with him having 'screen time'?

Original poster
Tajmahalmarble · 15/09/2019 13:45

youarenotkiddingme most of the parents SAY they stick to it, whether they do or not I have no idea.

OP posts:
Littlechocola · 15/09/2019 13:48

Not having an iPad at 5 isn’t cruel!

Game was inappropriate, you’ve all agreed.

cardibach · 15/09/2019 13:48

Types of foods?
Approved tv programmes?
Blanket bedtime?
I’m a teacher. I wouldn’t work in a school so inflexible and so unattended to the differing needs of different children. I certainly wouldn’t want my child there. Ridiculous!
The fighting game is not appropriate (probably - hard to tell without more info) but one session isn’t going to cause ongoing aggression as you seem to suggest.

Littlechocola · 15/09/2019 13:49

Is it a Steiner school op?

cardibach · 15/09/2019 13:49

Should say unattuned not unattended!

Blahblahblahnanana · 15/09/2019 13:52

Uniform
Hair style
Homework obvs but none other than set (no tutoring)
Table rules (basic manners really)
ok these are reasonable requests, however the ones below are very unreasonable! It sounds more like a dictatorship than a school!

School bedtime (7.00pm)
Types of foods preferred
List of tv programmes preferred
List if bedtime reading preferred

littleorangecat22 · 15/09/2019 13:52

That school is ridiculous. I understand the uniform and the table manners as they will help keep lunchtimes easy to manage if the kids are taught this at home, but the rest? No.

It is up to YOU (and for some of these the child's own preference) what time your kid goes to bed, what foods they eat, what they read, what they watch, what haristyle they have etc.

As for no tutoring, they are clearly one of those highly selective places wanting to 'weed' out kids who arent good enough in their eyes.

I'd be moving schools.

ktp100 · 15/09/2019 13:53

How can a school stop pupils being tutored?! It's literally none of their business what additional interventions parents use for their kids. What about 11+? It's just bonkers!

eurochick · 15/09/2019 13:55

What the hell kind of school is this?!?

Like hell would I be letting the school tell me how to parent my child. Schools should stick to educating children.

FWIW, I think your rules are too strict. Forbidden fruit and all that. The fighting game might not have been appropriate though.

SteeperThanHell · 15/09/2019 13:55

Why are you letting yourself be controlled by the school - other than uniform and hair the rest have nothing to do with them.

I agree that your FIL shouldn’t be going against your wishes and that the game may not have been appropriate, but seriously you need to start making your own decisions.

Blahblahblahnanana · 15/09/2019 13:55

What type of school does he go to?

PotteringAlong · 15/09/2019 13:58

They tell you what they consider suitable for you to read to your child?!

MollyButton · 15/09/2019 13:59

Is this a Steiner school?

It sounds very intrusive and not at all normal.

Durgasarrow · 15/09/2019 14:00

I agree with you OP.

BertrandRussell · 15/09/2019 14:01

Can’t be Steiner because of the uniform.

Fuck me, OP, and you signed up for this??????

Quartz2208 · 15/09/2019 14:01

What school are you sending him too as it clearly not a state one with rules like that

But yes he didn’t listen to your rule and fell asleep so on that yanbu

23Squared · 15/09/2019 14:03

I was going to ask if it was a steiner school!

justheretostalk · 15/09/2019 14:08

School bedtime (7.00pm)
Uniform
Hair style
Homework obvs but none other than set (no tutoring)
Types of foods preferred
List of tv programmes preferred
List if bedtime reading preferred
Table rules (basic manners really)

You seriously send your kid here?

Witchend · 15/09/2019 14:09

If I'd put dd1 to bed at 7pm she wouldn't have slept till 8:30 or later.
If I put her to bed at 8pm she went to sleep very quickly, usually before 8:30.
Ds, in reception, went to bed at 6:30 because he was so tired.

Those rules don't make sense in the real world.

joblotbubble · 15/09/2019 14:13

I'm sure I read something very similar months ago. The bit about it being a school rule icky in my mind.

WTF has it got to do with school how you parent your child?