To ask this person to stop 'ruffling' my DCs hair?

[FeatherySquawkington]

We go to church on Sundays and one man always insists on ruffling both my DS's hair. I hate it, it makes me cringe. How do I ask him not to without sounding rude? At the moment I use avoidance tactics e.g put hoods up or try to slip past as quickly as possible but not always successful.... (I understand this sounds a bit petty but it does really bug me!)

Surely what matters is whether it bothers your kids, rather than you, as you know it's not your hair

If the DCs don't mind then it isn't a problem.

Bow old is DS, does it bother him? I couldn't get worked up about this, unless of course there is a huge drip feed coming.

Do it back to him

Tell them your ds have nits?

The little one doesn't like it. Maybe I should tell him to say so next time it happens.

No drip feed, I just don't like someone who is practically a stranger rubbing his big sweaty hand all through my children's hair.

Bloody hell

nitgel has the best idea. Do it back to him.

Put gel in their hair for church. Nice and sticky

I would do it back but he is 6ft something and I'm only 5ft 1......

Big smile and say ‘please don’t touch their hair anymore’ walk on.

It’s wrong that this man has put you in this position that you feel uncomfortable with. Touching children/other people is one of those things that we’ve normalised and we will look back and think how odd that we ever did. You don’t have to soothe his feelings and it’s your job sadly to have to step in.

Well it's either "please don't touch my children" or put something horrible in their hair. How bold are you?

“I’m sorry- but could you not touch their hair? They don’t like it”

Don’t ask your child to say something. You’re the parent. You say they don’t like it.

"My kids are too polite to make a fuss but I have to tell you that they really don't like their hair being ruffled. It's fine to still have friendly chat with them, of course."

He'll probably be horrified. He just wanted some human contact. A lot of lonely people out there.

Perhaps try to find a moment beforehand to take him aside and tell him that neither the DC nor you like it? I assume he thinks he is making a friendly gesture.

I don't think he's lonely, he does have a family and grandchildren of his own who are there too. I might go down the gel route, less embarrassing.

Agree with PP, I would say politely before he has the chance to do anything, “Oh I thought I’d let you know the kids don’t like people touching their hair”. I doubt he’ll do it again if you’re to the point.

I don’t think you should have to put gel on their hair every week unless you and the kids like it?

His big sweaty hand?

I guess you could start by working on your Christian kindness and generosity of spirit...

The older one has started putting gel in his hair for school anyway so that's nothing unusual.

I feel also it’s about telling the boys/all our kids - that it’s good they’ve told you they don’t like it - if you minimalise it they won’t tell you other stuff that might be more serious.

Sorry but I think that's quite weird and petty of you? If you say something you'll be very rude.

But do try not to make him feel like crap. The “big sweaty hand” comment is pretty unkind.