Vulnerable DM being bullied, WIBU to see how their mother likes a taste of her own medicine

[Sickofiit]

My 64 year old mother with learning difficulties has become a target to a horrible group of little shits (sorry) who live across the way from her.

Their mother, a loud obnoxious antisocial woman, used to be friendly toward my DM but has since soured as my DM refused to lend her money.

The children aged between 13-15 make a point of targeting my DM whenever they see her. There has been numerous incidents but some of the most recent ones include her being squirted with tomato ketchup, so much so that the owner of a shop she entered to get away from them, thought she had been beaten and that it was blood.

She's had branches thrown at her, liquids thrown at her, she has been spat at and asked by the teenage boy whether she "wants her face smashed in"

My DM approached the mother peacefully to ask her to have them stop and that resulted in the mother then threatening her aswell. She is now frightened to go in and out of her flat.

The police have been called twice and have done nothing and not so much as taken a statement.

I'm at the end of my tether and heartbroken for my DM. My DP has had to stop me going round to the woman's flat tonight as he didn't know what would happen if I did.

I'm not a violent person by nature but never in my life have I wanted to hurt somebody as much as I do that woman for what they're doing to my vulnerable mum.

WIBU to intervene myself and try to frighten the mother off? My DM made me promise to stay out of it because I have children, but the police are doing nothing and I'm genuinely fearful my DM is going to end up seriously hurt

So sorry OP - what an awful situation for your DM. Have the police said why they won’t take it further? Surely what they’ve done amounts to harassment at the very least!

God how awful for you. Is your mum self sufficient or does she have any carers?

That's what I thought

My aunt (who is my mum's next of kin) has been making the calls on my mum's behalf as my mum doesn't deal well with difficult phone calls, and all she's relayed to me is that she's told "if it happens again call us back"

Yet it has happened again and still nothing.

I don't feel as though I can stay out of it at this stage I'm beside myself with worry

Oh god OP how gut wrenching for you. I'd be beside myself if that was a loved one of mine. I'd also feel exactly as you do. The trouble is if you confront the mother I suspect things will only get worse for your dear mum. Is her flat through a housing association or privately owned? I think I'd be looking at getting her moved elsewhere.

I'm so so sorry this is happening. People can be vile.

I would be round there. What else can you do? Time and time you read about police failing vulnerable adults.

I could be wrong but I think if your mother is classed as vulnerable then social services ought to be made aware of this abuse-potentially financial and certainly emotional.

Your poor mum

My mum is self sufficient but lives in sheltered accommodation for the over fifties, they have a warden but that's about it.

My aunt is my mum's unofficial carer and deals with all her admin, phonecalls etc but I'm not satisfied that she's doing enough safeguarding

I’d be round there in a flash OP. Might not be the best advice, I’m angry just reading what your poor mum is going through!
Good luck.

Hope this link may be of use

www.citizensadvice.org.uk/law-and-courts/discrimination/hate-crime/disability-hate-crime

Make a formal complaint to the police force- they absolutely should be dealing with vulnerable victim nature much better than that.

Since your mother has SNs, then it should be reported as a hate crime. Insist the police treat and record it as a hate crime.

This is Hate Crime. Contact the local Mencap for advice.

Not helpful, but I'd also not be restraining myself and be round there. However, more sensibly, complain like hell to the Police, lodge a formal complaint if no action is taken. They must act.

It didn't occur to me that this was a hate crime, that's absolutely correct.

I've spoken to my DM on the phone today and she sounds beaten down by it all. My aunt is with her and came on the phone telling me not to worry it's just the youth of today and all that cliche rubbish, which just isn't good enough.

My DM tried to hide it all from me to begin with, it only came out because I could tell she wasn't herself and demanded to know what was going on.

Her sheltered flat is with a housing association so I plan to speak with the housing officer, if I can, about a transfer.

I tried to my house in a rage this evening to go down there but my DP blocked my way. He's worried I'll end up hurt but it's not me who needs to worry with the mood I'm in.

I do plan to make a formal complaint with the police too.

If I'm right about the type of family this is then I don't think they care about the police anyway. My DM thinks the mother is a shoplifter.

I am so sorry, this is appalling. As others have said this is hate crime with a vulnerable victim. I’m not clear if the incident with the young people’s mother happened today? And if that has been reported to the Police. It should be reported and you need to insist that they act. I wouldn’t visit the woman, I would make damn sure the Police did though.

I’m really sorry to read about your mum.

As the Police aren’t helping, would Adult Social Care be any help?

Keep a log of any incidents. Good luck!

Yep, @cherrysocks has it right- this is a hate crime. Keep contacting police and use that word, push for action and charges- and good advice to speak to Mencap. If mum threatened and uninterested also think about involving school if you know it. Horrendous for your mum and you.

Appalling I am so angry on your DM's behalf.
Please contact Social Services, Age Concern locally, your local councillor and your MP.

Be icily calm and efficient in your emails.
Copy in other local politicians and councillors and local Cabinet members responsible for her care
Contact Victim Support, local Hate Crime, Older Person's commissioner
Who is responsible for her Housing?
Contact the manager, their manager etc etc

Be prepared to go to the press, any local Facebook groups as a last resort.
Don't name the family if you do this, point the finger at those in authority who have betrayed her trust.
Her neighbours will know this family.
Bastards. And the police. Bastards

Also I'd contact your local MP's office. It's amazing how much faster things can move (especially as you can give details on police being notified).

The mother threatening my DM was a couple of days ago, but I only found out about it this evening when I've called my DM to see how she is. It was at this point I've hung up the phone and went to go round there but my DP stopped me leaving the house. My DM called me back, scared, pleading with me not to go round.

I think, like a PP said, she's worried it will only make things worse.

The thing is I don't feel as though I'm doing all I can go protect her if I just sit back and do nothing because the police haven't done a thing.

I'm torn between going to the cows flat tomorrow or turning up at the police station and demanding to be seen immediately.

I don't even know the number of the flat she lives in, only the block, so I was going to knock every door if nessecary.

Thank you for the advice and pointers I'm taking all of this in

When I posted I expected to be flamed for even considering resorting to antisocial behaviour in retaliation. Thank you for making me feel less irrational

Is it possible for you or someone to escort your mum to the shops etc fir a while so she is seen as having a visible family and support network?

I would

• put up some visible security cameras (if you can, given it’s supported living)?
• contact the management of her supporter living facility and ask them what they are doing to help your mum.
• make a formal complaint to the police to complain that they aren’t doing enough.
• speak to the community police team, make an appointment to meet them at your mums to explain what is happening. They should have a mobile number that you can call when these ‘low level, not really criminal’ instanced happen.
• find out what school these children attend and approach them. They should have a home liaison person who should intervene in such instances
• if the other family live in social housing, contact their landlord and report their antisocial behaviour. There will be a clause in their rental agreement which makes them responsible for the actions of guests to their home

Generally, make it known that you will not put up with this behaviour and will contact any and all authorities until this behaviour is stopped

This is appalling, I am so sorry OP.

As others have mentioned I would make a complaint to the police about this not being taken seriously.
Then go to the local councillors, the MP, even the local church if there is one nearby - they can often be very good at putting pressure on the appropriate agencies when it comes to this kind of thing. Then contact the council/housing association that deals with your mother’s accommodations. Are these vile people renting from the same or a similar organisation?

I would also contact the school that the children attend and ask if this kind of behaviour needs to be flagged to social services.

Oh and please have your DM see her GP. If she is distressed by this to the point that she is unable to leave her house then the GP will want to know and if they are a good doctor will get involved or escalate further.

Log every single incident with dates and specifics. Get in touch with SS, SN advocacy and the police and keep going until you get somewhere. Stay with your mum for a while and walk out with her to the shops. Any abuse, carefully witness, log and record (is this legal).

I’d want to have a word but far more effective to get formal action. This family probably love a fight too so won’t be deterred until they get warned formally.