Vulnerable DM being bullied, WIBU to see how their mother likes a taste of her own medicine

[Sickofiit]

My 64 year old mother with learning difficulties has become a target to a horrible group of little shits (sorry) who live across the way from her.

Their mother, a loud obnoxious antisocial woman, used to be friendly toward my DM but has since soured as my DM refused to lend her money.

The children aged between 13-15 make a point of targeting my DM whenever they see her. There has been numerous incidents but some of the most recent ones include her being squirted with tomato ketchup, so much so that the owner of a shop she entered to get away from them, thought she had been beaten and that it was blood.

She's had branches thrown at her, liquids thrown at her, she has been spat at and asked by the teenage boy whether she "wants her face smashed in"

My DM approached the mother peacefully to ask her to have them stop and that resulted in the mother then threatening her aswell. She is now frightened to go in and out of her flat.

The police have been called twice and have done nothing and not so much as taken a statement.

I'm at the end of my tether and heartbroken for my DM. My DP has had to stop me going round to the woman's flat tonight as he didn't know what would happen if I did.

I'm not a violent person by nature but never in my life have I wanted to hurt somebody as much as I do that woman for what they're doing to my vulnerable mum.

WIBU to intervene myself and try to frighten the mother off? My DM made me promise to stay out of it because I have children, but the police are doing nothing and I'm genuinely fearful my DM is going to end up seriously hurt

im totally with you.but my worry is for you.because this type of family(woman) i the type to scream assault if you touch her.and then the police will have to act against you for actually committing a crime they see.if that makes any sense.ive seen it happen before.too many bloody times.
i know this is a far out suggetion but does the local police to her havea twitter page.ive seen many do. this might be a direct route to someone doing something.they have a message function on most of them.its just another route im looking for for you to highlight this to them and them not doing anything for a vulnerable adult for a hate crime.

If the DM is as brash to bully a vulnerable lady I would not call to her house, she more than likely has a weapon in the hallway.
I don't blame you wanting to. Contact social services if she continues to allow her brats antagonise your DM give her a good punch, away from her home.
Your poor DM.

Sickofiit I am so sorry this is happening. Please take the sensible advice here. I would also speak to the police myself.

Can you set up CCTV from her house onto the street to catch any evidence there too?

Does your mum have a social worker op my gran did and we had a similar incident and they were able to help

Just read through the thread and wanted to say how sorry I am you are both having to deal with this. Absolutely appalling behaviour from the mum and her kids. Agree with what pp have said, deal with this formally and robustly. Don’t lower yourself to their behaviour, I think there is a risk if you do that the authorities will see it as two sided/tit-for-tat rather than the bullying, abuse that it is. I’d agree with getting the housing authorities involved and getting them or your DM moved, I know it might not be the most satisfying outcome if DM has to move but at least she will be protected and not have to be scared.

Aunt's actions, or lack of, worry me greatly here. I somehow doubt she has reported these incidents; she could be worried that her sister will have to move to a different area or she could have been threatened herself. For you DM's sake she must stop minimising these incidents in the hope they will 'go away'.

Please don't go to the woman's home yourself. Inevitably it will end up with you being the one in trouble and I would bet my last £ that the cow wouldn't hesitate to call the Police and report you for harassment and intimidation.

You have a lot of good advice here. I hope it helps and that you can act on it immediately.

I had a problem with a group of teens a few years ago, but I am not as old as your Mum (at the time!) and was able to scare them a damn sight more than they scared me!

OP.
Report this to adult safeguarding yourself.
Document all incidents with times and dates and if your mum is physically attacked again, photograph it.
You can find your local adult safeguarding team at your council.

I am a social worker in adult safeguarding. From what you have said I think she should be under a community MARAC, the community crime prevention officer can apply for this, we have one within our council so would expect most councils to have one? This would mean multiple professionals will look at how best to safeguard your DM and keep her safe within the community.

Police police police

But definitely think about getting a little camera that can be pointed at the immediate vicinity

I’m so angry for you OP

If they live in a Housing Association house they are in breach of their tenancy agreement. Keep a diary of incidents & report to the HA. Antisocial behaviour/criminal behaviour will mean that they could have injunctions put on them to keep away from your mum.

It’s amazing how bullies can learn new behaviours when their home is at risk.

I should also point out that it’s likely it’s take just one of those shits to lose their bottle after a visit from the police (or SS or the HA) for all of them to cool it.

Finally, I hope these incidents have been recorded, if not please do start on behalf of DM as your aunt sounds completely ineffective.

Your dp was right in stopping you going round and potentially making a bad situation worse. I agree with the poster who says OP's post made her want to cry.

Lots of good advice here, I would start by listing the incidents and then physically visiting the police and contacting the other agencies mentioned. I think the MP following up on what is being done to assist your dm will be helpful. Bearing in mind the bullying on social media I would hesitate to publicise this.

Legally you are your mothers next of kin not her aunt unless there is a court of protection order.
Take over now. Follow the advice given above. The aunt sounds weak and easily intimidated too, so do not rely on her dealing with this. Demand action and for the police to look at obtaining an ASBO. Inform the council too. Do not take no for an answer.
Your poor mum :(

I would suggest no one would bat an eye lid OP if you went round to the house and quietly but firmly told the kids parent to control her off spring.If you know what I mean? I hate this kind of thing,To upset a vulnerable lady is just wrong on all levels.Sadly sub human ferel people have no shame and sometimes need it spelling out to them.I would go round personally and frighten the living daylights out of the family starting with the mother...I have done something similar in the past and totally forgotten I am a lady but it worked,I explained in a language they could understand very easily that should they choose not to heed my advice then life would become quite difficult for them.They don;t even look in my direction now.To be fair I had written them off totally as brainless but it appears at least a couple of their cells must have been working that day! Nip it in the bud stand for no more.I wish you and your family peace from these animals.

I used to work on a hate crime project and this is def hate crime and targeted. You need to report to the police say it is a hate crime and remind them that since the Joanna pilkinton case they have a repsonsibility to treat all hate crime very seriously.

You need to ask for an assement and an asbrac meeting to take place. This is a multi agency response to hate crime and harassment.

You need to ask for the police forces diversity officer to get in touch as well as they are usualky very good.
If you live in the north west I can point you in the direction of a disability charity who can help if not it would still be worth getting in touch as they will be able to point you in the right direction for support

The Asbrac meetings are great as the police, housing, social services and loads of other agencies have a meeting and they agree on action that is overseen by the chair of the meeting and they have to do it.

Unfortunately sometimes it’s all about using the right buzz words and asking for the right things to get the police to act. Some police officers will report hate crime straight away and others will ignore it.
Also if you report via the true vision website as well as reporting in person or on the phone their is a paper trail and it makes some forces more likely to respond. The true vision website also has a box you can tick for extra support and that box would trigger a response from the disability charity I used to work for or by victim support. Once all this is done the police have to respond. Feel free to PM me for more information

I wouldnt be so sure that the OPs aunt hasn't reported to the police @cantfindname. Ime (direct experience in this case) they tend to be a bit selective about whose reports they act on. My mum reported the problems my dad was having on several occasions and nothing happened until I stepped in. My mum speaks excellent English but with a foreign accent, and is small and elderly and diffident around figures of authority. I did the whole well educated professional woman thing and suddenly they sat up and took notice. Shouldn't be like that but it very often is.

As soon as I find out the names of the scruffs I will be shaming them all over social media

Don't do that. It could inflame the situation and put you in the wrong.

Your poor DM needs to report every incident to the police, naming the perpetrators. This includes the mother threatening her. It may be worth your while contacting the police to ask why they have taken no action. There is a reluctance to take children to court but if their behaviour persists and they ignore warnings etc you need to make clear that you expect the police to take action.

Oh, this makes me want to cry. It's so deeply, deeply enraging and unfair that these fuckers are allowed to get away with things like this for months and months and months, whilst everyone in authority just says "log every incident" etc. It took two whole YEARS of logging for my poor friend to have anything done about her bullies. And yet the second we try and do anything about it we end up being the ones arrested.

Have you approached social services? I thing Mumsnet throws the term "safeguarding" all too easily, but this really does warrant a safeguarding alert, though im surprised the police haven't already done so.

Your DM’s council should have an Anti-social behaviour officer. Track that person down and make a complaint. I am guessing that even without names, the officer will know exactly which family you mean.
And be sure to tell your DM that lots of MNers are sending her virtual hugs.

Can your mum come and stay with you for a bit?

OP, your aunt isn't the next of kin unless there's a POA set up etc . If there's nothing in writing you would be the next of kin. I would be wondering if your aunt has been minimising the threats, etc to the police in the way she's minimising the incidents to you.

Re-direct your anger into taking over from your aunt and putting complaints into the police, keep a log of all incidents, with photos where you can, and I would set up formal POAs naming you to avoid any future issues.

Hi all, thank you for the continued replies

I've spoken to my aunt this morning and said I'm taking over in regards to reports and acting on mums behalf, she didn't sound thrilled, somewhat undermined, but I couldn't care less.

I'm unable to get in touch with mums housing officer until tomorrow, but I'll be doing that first thing at 9.00am. I would guess that this woman and her children's flat is council and may well be under the same housing association, and if not housing association then definitely under the Burroughs council. I'm also going to present at the front desk of mums local police station.

One sticking point we have is that me nor mum know this woman's full name, or that of her children. Mum knows the woman only as Jane (not her real name) and doesn't know the number of the flat she lives in, only the which high rise block it is.

Is it possible that these factors could be contributing to the lack of police action? Even so, they have the means to find out these things themselves and I suspect the family is already known to them or SS in one way or another.

I'm also going to be reporting the children to SS the minute I find out their identities, as it's clear their parental provisions are abysmal and judging by the frequency of alterations they clearly don't spend much time in school. Mum has told me that "Jane" is a shop lifter and walks around with cans of alcohol so I think that speaks volumes about the type of family they are, Vicky pollard springs to mind.