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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Vulnerable DM being bullied, WIBU to see how their mother likes a taste of her own medicine

124 replies

Sickofiit · 14/09/2019 21:20

My 64 year old mother with learning difficulties has become a target to a horrible group of little shits (sorry) who live across the way from her.

Their mother, a loud obnoxious antisocial woman, used to be friendly toward my DM but has since soured as my DM refused to lend her money.

The children aged between 13-15 make a point of targeting my DM whenever they see her. There has been numerous incidents but some of the most recent ones include her being squirted with tomato ketchup, so much so that the owner of a shop she entered to get away from them, thought she had been beaten and that it was blood.

She's had branches thrown at her, liquids thrown at her, she has been spat at and asked by the teenage boy whether she "wants her face smashed in"

My DM approached the mother peacefully to ask her to have them stop and that resulted in the mother then threatening her aswell. She is now frightened to go in and out of her flat.

The police have been called twice and have done nothing and not so much as taken a statement.

I'm at the end of my tether and heartbroken for my DM. My DP has had to stop me going round to the woman's flat tonight as he didn't know what would happen if I did.

I'm not a violent person by nature but never in my life have I wanted to hurt somebody as much as I do that woman for what they're doing to my vulnerable mum.

WIBU to intervene myself and try to frighten the mother off? My DM made me promise to stay out of it because I have children, but the police are doing nothing and I'm genuinely fearful my DM is going to end up seriously hurt Sad

OP posts:
Original poster
Sickofiit · 14/09/2019 22:23

I think aunt is a blockade of sort, she is possessive of mum yet minimises and I suspect encouraged mum not to mention anything to me because she knows I'll respond with anger (who wouldn't)

I'm not satisfied with the outcome from her handling the calls to the police, based on the fact mum is vulnerable something should have been done, I can't help but wonder if aunt is being bloody useless and not pressing/wording things in a way which shows the severity of the situation.

OP posts:
Original poster
Sickofiit · 14/09/2019 22:27

I'm logging off but I will be back tomorrow, thank you all once again for your kindness and great advice. It has been taken on-board and will be implemented from the morning. I won't let this carry on

OP posts:
BarbariansMum · 14/09/2019 22:27

I've been in a similar situation (in my case it was a vulnerable father and the abuser was a family member). I went round to the police station and spoke to them face to face. After that, they starting acting, and a couple of months later they took it to court and were granted a restraining order.

Hello1290 · 14/09/2019 22:28

Do you think your aunt actually made any calls to the police ?

Pollywollydolly · 14/09/2019 22:29

Are the family living in social housing? If so this behaviour is a tenancy breach which could get them evicted.

Whatevskev · 14/09/2019 22:30

Don’t rely on your aunt in this situation

Call the police yourself and ask to confirm they have logged it and what action they took
Ask why they didn’t speak to the kids involved or your mum
Ask about their complaints procedure

I’m afraid I’d be getting as many big blokes as I knew and going round there too to have a quiet word. No touching just firm explanation that your mum has many friends and you won’t stand for her being abused. I suspect it’s the only language that would get heard.

That said she remains very vulnerable if she is going out and about by herself.

HerkyBaby · 14/09/2019 22:36

Contact the safer neighbourhood team at your local district council about your mum. Ring your Distruct Councillor and write to the Police and Crime Commissioner for your area and make an appointment to see your MP ( they all have time on their hands at the moment) ring 999 after each and everyone of these incidents and explain to the call handler how vulnerable she is. Under no circumstances should you approach the woman. If she is living in social housing contact the housing authority and speak to them. Be very specific in all your contacts with any of the people I have suggested that your mum is a vulnerable adult with learning difficulties and I can almost guarantee an immediate response.

WaggingKnife · 14/09/2019 22:38

It might even be worth taking it to the local media, especially with it being a hate crime and the police not getting involved.

Supersimkin · 14/09/2019 22:39
  1. Report to SS.
  2. Tell the HA.
  3. Tell the council.

The HA can chuck the aggressors out for ASB, as can the council. It takes time, by the way, and both HA and council can rehouse DM in meantime.

ChocoholicsAsylum · 14/09/2019 22:48

Everyone has gave good advice but I dont think these thugs are worried about the police. Go round and record them while you try talk to her and if she kicks off take it to police or as others have said get nasty back and take her on as it really is the only lanuage they speak. Get them an asbo!!! Good luck

BadBehaviouR · 14/09/2019 22:51

Brick her windows Op, I would Grin Can your mum not try to record this on her phone? What about someone filming this?

DdraigGoch · 14/09/2019 22:52

The problem is mum loves going for walks, she's got a little dog and taking him out twice a day are the highlights of her days.
Can I recommend that she gets a big dog? Preferably one with big teeth.

Actionhasmagic · 14/09/2019 22:57

This make me sooo sad. What is wrong with people. Hope you get it sorted and your mum is safe

SirVixofVixHall · 14/09/2019 23:06

This is terrible op! I want to cry reading this, your poor Mum. Agree that you should talk to your MP, local councillors can be v helpful too, and will hold surgeries so you can chat in person.
It is likely there is some footage of the ketchup, and I agree your Aunt sounds a bit hopeless. You should go to the police yourself and insist on seeing someone to talk this through.
I really hope your Mum gets moved. .

Jellybeansincognito · 14/09/2019 23:06

Im not judging you at all for wanting to give them some sort of scare to try make it stop, but these sorts of people tend to carry weapons and use knives so going round there isn’t a wise idea.

I hope you manage to get your mum sorted!

Woulditbeworth · 14/09/2019 23:07

Don’t go round.

She could make false counter allegations about your behaviour/visit. Best to make sure that this is seen as a clear ‘victim and offender’ situation rather than a neighbour dispute. Otherwise housing will have to go through mediation before they can do anything about her tenancy.

incognitomum · 14/09/2019 23:12

You've had some great advice on here.

I hope your mother will get the protection she needs soon.

Cocobean30 · 14/09/2019 23:17

This needs to be reported to the landlord, are the perpetrators in social housing? If so report to the housings anti social behaviour team who will investigate and seek to get them evicted if they are harassing her

Helenluvsrob · 14/09/2019 23:24

Contact dust safeguarding team. She’s a vulnerable adult and therefore can be safeguarded if she agrees

Knittedfairies · 14/09/2019 23:31

No, as angry as you are - justifiably - going to confront the woman would exacerbate the situation. You've had lots of good advice upthread; it is a hate crime and should be reported and dealt with as such. Good luck.

Giraffey1 · 14/09/2019 23:32

www.police.uk/crime-prevention-advice/anti-social-behaviour/

Police should def be dealing with this...

CoolCarrie · 14/09/2019 23:40

Don’t go round , as much as I would feel the same as you, I think going to the police and all the other suggestions, could make things worse.
I am raging on your behalf, pp have made great comments and I dearly hope your mum gets a move, it’s a bloody shame that she is the one who might have to move, not the shits who caused this, but for piece of mind it might be best for her. Some people are just scum. Good luck

scoobydoo1971 · 15/09/2019 00:04

You should identify who the landlord is, and make a formal complaint to the Housing Manager in writing. Expect to be dismissed out of hand, but keep complaining to them. Social housing tenants must not engage in anti-social behaviour. Your mother is probably not the only victim of this family. They are rarely discriminating. If you found other neighbours willing to complain about them, it may get them evicted. Like others have said, involve as many agencies as possible. Social services, the police, the local MP and the GP all have a duty of care.

timeisnotaline · 15/09/2019 00:11

Some great suggestions here. Can you hire a college student for a couple of hours a week to go for a walk with your mum? Obviously tell them what’s going on and ask them to walk phone in hand and snap photos / video of anything suspicious.

You should also communicate to neighbour that you are logging everything and obviously if anything happened to your mum you will be reporting it and they will be the obvious culprits.

justilou1 · 15/09/2019 00:15

I’d be hiring a group of big, rough-looking guys and introducing your “brothers” from out of town. I would then suggest that if anything untoward were to happen to your mum again, your “brothers” would be making a visit back to the area to have some very small words!!!

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