Vulnerable DM being bullied, WIBU to see how their mother likes a taste of her own medicine

[Sickofiit]

My 64 year old mother with learning difficulties has become a target to a horrible group of little shits (sorry) who live across the way from her.

Their mother, a loud obnoxious antisocial woman, used to be friendly toward my DM but has since soured as my DM refused to lend her money.

The children aged between 13-15 make a point of targeting my DM whenever they see her. There has been numerous incidents but some of the most recent ones include her being squirted with tomato ketchup, so much so that the owner of a shop she entered to get away from them, thought she had been beaten and that it was blood.

She's had branches thrown at her, liquids thrown at her, she has been spat at and asked by the teenage boy whether she "wants her face smashed in"

My DM approached the mother peacefully to ask her to have them stop and that resulted in the mother then threatening her aswell. She is now frightened to go in and out of her flat.

The police have been called twice and have done nothing and not so much as taken a statement.

I'm at the end of my tether and heartbroken for my DM. My DP has had to stop me going round to the woman's flat tonight as he didn't know what would happen if I did.

I'm not a violent person by nature but never in my life have I wanted to hurt somebody as much as I do that woman for what they're doing to my vulnerable mum.

WIBU to intervene myself and try to frighten the mother off? My DM made me promise to stay out of it because I have children, but the police are doing nothing and I'm genuinely fearful my DM is going to end up seriously hurt

Altercations* not alterations

I think there's lots of good advice above OP. Additionally I think you should take it up with the housing association. People in sheltered accommodation certainly shouldn't be subject to this sort of thing - even if it is outside where her house is. Your DM may not be the only one targetted so keep an eye out (if you or DM can) for other instances of bad behaviour.

I've managed to ascertain what is potentially the right flat number from mum just now, she said she can't be sure but she thinks it's (certain number)

She does get confused and muddled sometimes but it's something to note regardless.

She said you're not going to go round there are you, and to reassure her I said no, but truthfully I'm still considering it.

I've also got the wardens telephone number within mums sheltered housing and I'm going to call them too.

Its a PITA being the weekend because nobody's reachable

I think a lot of mnnetters are so removed from dealing with people like this, and unfortunately the only language these people understand is aggression.

The police and housing association etc will either take years to deal with the problem or do nothing at all.

These people are not afraid of the police!

I grew up in a deprived area and although I'm out of it now it never leaves you, i know exactly what kind of woman this is op and going to the police will do nothing.

You will either need to confront her or move your mother away from it.

I'm also going to be reporting the children to SS the minute I find out their identities, as it's clear their parental provisions are abysmal and judging by the frequency of alterations they clearly don't spend much time in school

I was going to suggest just this so bravo for adding it to your action list.

You sound like you’ve got fire in your belly and a list of agencies to contact so channel your inner Terminator to make something happen through the official channels.

I would feel sick with rage if I were you too but please please understand you could potentially mess your mums chances up of being free of these scummers if you decide to take direct action yourself, however tempting.

Get proof. CCTV, etc. Get her to wear a damn bodycam if needed.

Get the local paper involved then name and shame the fucker's. They still won't care about your mum but hostility from others might be enough to make them stop.

FWIW I grew up on a council estate too - the local scumbags picked on the family of a girl that had learning difficulties, there was no “fun” for them in picking on anyone else in the close.

That girl’s family is still there but the scummers aren’t. Hopefully that was down to the HA.

It’s not binary that social deprivation produces bad behaviour and that’s why my patience wears out when we are encouraged to think of “[scumbags] problems” to understand their motivations when frankly they’re just cunts.

I agree that best plan is to protect your mother as best you can right now - she should not be leaving the house by herself anymore - and focus on getting her moved.

They’re cunts because they are being raised by cunts and cuntish behaviour as the norm. I guess it’s a case of trying to break the cycle.

Absolutely to all of the above.

Personally I would be mortified if my children grew up the way hers have, but it's clear they are simply an extension of her and she's an utter scumbag so I'm not at all surprised that they run wild making people's lives a misery. I'm hoping I can get mum moved ASAP so she doesn't have to worry about bumping into them, even if the police do eventually do something

@Sickofiit

As @AnneElliott says please do make a formal detailed and level-headed complaint to the local Police. Find out the name of the Chief Inspector and write a letter [not an e-mail, not a FB ...] and keep a copy. If there is no response then follow it up with a copy to the Chief Constable of the relevant [County?] force. You need to include evidence [that your DM has recognised problems for example] and dates. In my view there might be a likelihood that someone will "cuckoo" the premises [in other words move themselves into a vulnerable persons' house without consent

I hope all goes well. Be careful not to get yourself in trouble. You are a lovely caring daughter.

The housing officer should be able to organise a multi-agency meeting to work out how to support your mother as a vulnerable adult. They should invite social care, the police, your mother's GP (unlikely they'll attend but they can be kept informed), the warden, you and your mother if she is happy to be there, to discuss this together and agree a joint course of action. If you can get someone from MENCAP there to support you, all the better. The housing officer and anyone with a safeguarding role in the housing association should attend too. All of these agencies have a duty of care to your DM and should be taking steps to ensure her safety.

DO NOT go and challenge the other family yourself. This will then be seen as a neighbour dispute which is very different.

If you can get these professionals together, they will all find it much harder to wriggle out of their responsibilities.

Be calm, polite but very clear in your conversations with the housing officer. If they don't tell you what you want to hear, continue to be polite and ask to speak to someone more senior.

Sorry this has happened to you DM, if the police aren’t doing anything maybe think about installing cctv in plain sight if anything this may make them think twice before they approach your DM, Id feel exactly the same and want to go give her a piece of my mind aswell!! Hope this is sorted soon!

Please raise an adult safeguarding. You can normally do this via the Internet. Just google 'adult safeguarding' and the county you are in.
The team there (if good) will look at protective factors that can be implemented and also ensure that every agency is working correctly for your mum. This should be logged as a hate crime by the police but unfortunately sometimes this is missed.

Your DM sounds as though she is an adult at risk. Therefore there is a statutory duty for agencies to act

Contact your local adult safeguarding board and speak with them.

Can you find out who your local hate crime officer is? It’s usually a PCSO.

I’m so sorry this is happening and I fucking wish other forces would take our heed as our department would help her in a heartbeat, it’s what we were made for!

Can I ask what force it is? So disappointing for you!

Does she have a housing officer? Assume she does as she’s in al, can you contact them to see about a move? Drastic but it can change people’s lives

You don’t need her name, just report the address to the housing. They take this seriously. Continue to report to the police also as this is evidence to use in court for an eviction.

I would imagine the police know the family already if this is the way they behave. Your poor Mum, what a worry.

I remember reading that you can get little cameras that you wear around your neck. The photos get uploaded. This could be used to gather evidence.

Best of luck. I work with adults who have learning difficulties. This is heartbreaking

Did you manage to get anywhere today OP?

Any news OP?