AIBU to ask which is worse, birthing a big baby with possible tearing or a c section?

[Babynumber2dueNov]

I’m seeing a consultant this week to discuss options as I’m measuring 6 weeks ahead and my first DD was 9lb5 😬. My husband is very into the idea of a c section as our first was so traumatic, extremely long labour, then induction, awful tear and massive wait to go to surgery resulting in huge blood loss. However, I’m very nervous of the impact of a c section, baring in mind I have a 2yo DD and need to get out the house for my sanity and worry I won’t be able to move for a few weeks.
Basically I’m asking for your experiences, difficult birth or elective c section- what was best for you? What would you advise? Thanks!

Given your history, another year would certainly be worse in your long term health outlook, especially as the current measures to counter the consequences are being seriously questioned for their efficacy and patient wellbeing.

*tear, not year. Bloody autocorrect.

Having been in a similar situation, i can tell you a c-section is a walk in the park in comparison.

C section.
I had an EMCS, no problems at all afterwards (& I was 42, over weight and unfit so not as if I was a super healthy person in the first place ).
Not everyone has problems recovering after a C section and after what you have already been through I wouldn’t risk a VB again.

I had emergency c section.... and recovery was a hell of a lot quicker than vaginal birth and tearing.... would recommend it every time..

I'd go natural every time if I had a choice.

Elective has generally a shorter recovery than emergency. So if you didn't go for a section, then ended up with an emergency one you could have the worst of both.
I had an elective, it was calm and not stressful. I was driving within 3 weeks

I’ve had two sections and whilst the recovery wasn’t much fun I was basically fine after 2 weeks: mobile, manageable pain, able to go to the loo etc.

I’d take the CS.

Also, my second baby was smaller than first even though I measured more.

11lb to 9lb 6oz - those measurements are utterly useless.

Two sections here so thats my only experience however having spoken to sister and friends who have had one of each section is easier and faster recovery than bad tear.

Ive had no bladder issues either from the sections.

Big baby doesn't mean necessarily mean tearing. My biggest baby (only 8lbs but I'm tiny) was far and away the easiest.

Best way to avoid a tear is giving birth in an upright position (kneeling, all fours or similar) where you have the opportunity to stretch properly. For my first the midwife kept making me get into the semi-reclined position so she could monitor me easier. The difference in pain levels between the 2 positions was unreal.

I would have a C Section in your position. Whilst some degree of tearing can be “normal” the priority of getting a healthy baby out over a woman’s long term pelvic health can sometimes be detrimental to the woman.

All dh's family have giant heads. I had an emcs with dc1 because he got stuck and literally bounced back. Was walking by myself to NICU within 24 hours in zero pain. SiL1 spent six months sitting on a cushion in pain after a horrible tear with her dc1. I had another emcs with dc2 and was back pushing the pram on the 3 mile preschool run by week 2. She had another bad tear with dc2...now she can't run or walk fast without wetting herself and still has discomfort/pain.

I'd be tempted towards the elective personally.

You’ll get out of the house. I was up both times the same day and discharged after 48 hours to sleep in my own bed heaven!

You can also drive whenever the doctor signs you off for me that was 3 weeks both times.

We actually stopped for a meal on the way home from hospital with the second.

I have under 2 years between my two boys and i just explained Mummy cant pick you And we worked round it. Could still cuddle no problem a pillow on your stomach over the wound works fine!

Best of luck whatever you decide.

An elective section is much better than an emergency one. I had an emergency section so I had laboured then became very unwell and my section saved mine and babies lives but my god it was very stress full. I knew baby could die and knew my life was at risk too so the stress took its toll on me. Physical the recovery wasn’t too bad by week 2 I was pain free and walking fine but mentally I’m still traumatised 9 months later.

It's so hard to decide as it's very much the roll of a dice. My SIL had 1 emergency and 1 planned c section and coped well.
My first was similar to yours.. Really not great birth, felt traumatised and glad to be alive afterwards and similar sized baby.. . Second was looking like much bigger... 11lb was mentioned if went over ... We were talking induction and or c section. I decided in induction as I'd managed it first time (eventually) Baby made its own plans.... In the end arrived 2 weeks early just under 10lb and it was almost as if first baby had carved a way through for 2nd... Instead of over 30 hours, stuck, epi and ventouse for a bady delivered to a full room of people there to assist us both or do emergency c section... I gave birth in less than 5 hours from first indication and no tear... It was a brilliant birth.
I wish you the same.. Whatever you choose...

I honestly think position has much more of an effect on labour than size. Dd was 7lb2. She was back to back, would not come out despite me pushing for hours. ended up with an episiotomy and drip, almost a section but thankfully she came out. Bit of a nightmare labour. Ds was 10lb3. Had a home birth, just gas and air, and very slight tearing that didn't require stitches. His labour was a walk in the park compared to dd and he was 2lb heavier.

You have to go with what you feel comfortable with, but personally I'd try and avoid a section if I could

I'd go for the section no decision. The risk of pelvic floor issues etc in the future would terrify me. I've had a normal delivery of a small baby and an elective section and the recovery from the section was amazing, maybe I was lucky. I kept fit in my pregnancy which helped I think.

I had an ELCS for my only one so far. He was breech.

I drove on day 3 and have a tiny scar. I had a longer and harder recovery when I had my gastric band fitted than I did for my C section.

I was initially a bit disappointed that I wasn't going to have him "naturally" (I hate that term!) but once he was here I have never given it a second thought.

Best of luck! X

I had an ELCS with my second (first was EMCS so a bit more brutal than an ELCS) and it was amazing, I was out of hospital within 2 days, took it easy but my eldest was 2 so I was looking after him as well (DH self employed so no paternity leave just 3 or4 days off). I was out walking slowly within the first week. I mean it was hard of course but I’m sure recovering from a tear with a toddler and newborn would also be bloody hard too

I had a third degree tear with my DS so was advised a c-section with DD although it was my choice. I chose the section and I’m really glad I did although the recovery was hard. She’s 17 weeks now and it seems forever ago now!

Second babies pop right out. DS had a 98th centile head circumference but still only a minor tear and I was up, about and feeling fine within the hour.

This is all just so helpful! Thank you all so much!

Two biggish babies and two second degree tears. No recovery problems at all. No lasting effects. Glad I didn't have a CS.

Size does not necessarily equal difficult birth. Do you know why your first was difficult?

Another experience of third degree tear first time and then ELCS the second. Recovery was so so much quicker (6 weeks in and feeling pretty much back to normal) whereas my three year old tear still impacts on my day to day life almost every day. Based on my limited experience I can't recommend a calm, gentle section enough but wish you a happy birth whichever way you go!