AIBU to ask which is worse, birthing a big baby with possible tearing or a c section?

[Babynumber2dueNov]

I’m seeing a consultant this week to discuss options as I’m measuring 6 weeks ahead and my first DD was 9lb5 😬. My husband is very into the idea of a c section as our first was so traumatic, extremely long labour, then induction, awful tear and massive wait to go to surgery resulting in huge blood loss. However, I’m very nervous of the impact of a c section, baring in mind I have a 2yo DD and need to get out the house for my sanity and worry I won’t be able to move for a few weeks.
Basically I’m asking for your experiences, difficult birth or elective c section- what was best for you? What would you advise? Thanks!

Absolutely 100% c section. Large baby plus not great first birth are both relevant factors. I have had 3 c sections, no issues and with the second and the third I was walking by the evening of the day of the section, third I was out of hospital in 23 hours. My very good friend who was a practising midwife and now lectures in midwifery went for an elective section with her first as she thought it was safest for mum and baby.

@IronicalCallSign no issues with insurance at all. I rang and a section is lumped in with abdominal surgery and if you feel well enough to drive then you can drive . As with all surgeries you exercise caution and use your cop on. My insurance company didn't need anything signed from my doctor

Definitely ELCS then. Recovery is quick - where I work, we have you up and moving usually within 8 hrs and you’re home the next day.

My son was 11lb 1oz and his size was never picked up apparently!! I lost 3 stone whilst pregnant as it was just like having a gastric band I was just to full. 😂 the birth was as most births are tough going but I had him with just gas and thanks to an amazing midwife escaped with a very small tear. I was bruised inside and it took a day or two to stop feeling wobbly but 3 days later I was in Asda shopping and going about my life. 👌👌

Just checked with DH, he thinks we were with E Sure so maybe that's their specific car policy on surgery (they made it clear it was for all major surgery, the guy had to check csection was assumed to be in that category, it was).

My first birth was similar to yours, OP (with ventouse and forceps to boot), plus a massive internal tear. Had two nights in HDU and a week in hospital. My first baby was a bit bigger than yours, but only a few ounces.

Subsequent birth was ELCS (not least on the consultant's recommendation). It was an absolute doddle by comparison, and DC2 was huge, so it was a very large incision. I was up and about on the same day, and was able to go home the following day. One thing that was particularly good about it was that I knew, to some extent, what to expect in terms of surgery and recovery (though did try to overdo it by trying to go for a walk on the day I got home - bad idea). For months after the first birth, I had flashbacks, and felt as if I'd been in a nearly fatal car crash. Even now, I haven't quite got over it, and it was 18 years ago.

Second babies pop right out. DS had a 98th centile head circumference but still only a minor tear and I was up, about and feeling fine within the hour.

Hush up, silly.

ECS all the way.

Hush up, silly

Agreed. The usual glib advice about it being all about the position you're in is just insulting to anyone who did everything 'right' and ended up suffering trauma.

I had a 3rd degree tear with complications and a year later a second degree tear. Ds (3 years later) was an ELCS - it was the most traumatic birth and recovery of the 3 births.

To be honest, any birth has the potential for complications and lead to difficult recovery and trauma. It's wrong to say any type of birth is a walk in the park or a doddle.

With my first baby (9lb 1oz) I had a horrific time, nasty tear and haemorrhage, was very poorly for about 5/6 months after and it hurt to stand for long periods etc for probably about a year after I had her. Second baby was much smaller (8lb 2oz) they didn't give me any other options but to have him naturally although I was monitored very closely with him! Third baby was nearly 11lbs! Easiest birth and easiest recovery. 45 minutes labour and 2 minutes of pushing!! It was crazy, I was up and about straight away. However, I was VERY lucky that it happened like that, and I was told they wouldn't have let me try for a natural birth if they had known how huge he was going to be.
I think in your situation I would elect to have a CS. But do what you feel is right x

I’ve done both. I strongly recommend a c section.

Ds1 9lb 3 induction epidural episiotomy and forceps

Ds2 wanted to do it without the epidural but ended up with emcs as he hadn't come down far enough the section was a hell of a lot better recovering from than the forceps

I’ve had both (3C tear and ELCS) - c section absolute walk in the park. Think EMCS must be absolute worst option of all of course so i’d Go straight for ELCS personally and eliminate risk of both tear and EMCS.

I've done one forceps and hideous tearing ( he was back to back and prem)

2nd was elective c section. Had lots of blood loss but healed well and much quicker than with 1st.

3rd was vbac, big baby and huge head and ended up being forceps, ventouse and then shoulder dystocia. Got her out eventually but I tore again. Not as bad as birth #1.

I'd go c section every time. Good luck.

Have a csection.

Depends what degree tear, second degree I’d give vaginal delivery a go. Often it’s position rather than size that can cause a problem. If it was a 3rd degree or worse then I personally wouldn’t take the risk of it happening again and the consequences for future continence so I’d have an elective cesarean

I had a section after a third degree tear first time. The section was easier to recover from than the tear

I had an elective c section a with my first and a VBAC and a tear with my second. Personally I would have the VBAC and tear any day over the C section. But the thing is everyone is different so only you can decide really. I hope everything goes well for you however you give birth.

I’ve had 3 big babies. First was a vaginal birth, 3 days labour, shoulder dystocia, foreceps, 3rd degree tear, double incontinence for months. 2nd was placenta preavia so had to be c section but it was awful. 3rd was c section at insistence of all sensible and medical people.

I really wanted my third to be a nice ‘natural’ birth unlike the first 2 (which I felt had been total failures and completely out of my control - of course I feel differently now but I had ptsd then). The specialists and Dh were all horrified I was pushing for a vaginal birth. The risk of worse tearing increases after a first tear and the specialists were very concerned and really really adamant it would be against all medical advise if I didn’t consent to a section for my last baby.

As it happens having dd was the best birth. I had some counselling and debriefings for the previous 2 births. Also the hospital made the section as ‘natural’ as possible there were not many staff in the room and they didn’t chat over me (at my request - in my first section I felt like a cadaver having an autopsy), and they put dd straight on me in a kangaroo wrap thing rather than take her to be weighed and cleaned up like the other 2 were.

I didn’t want a section because I’d have 2 under 4 at home to look after too but really I recovered way quicker than in the first birth. At the time I wanted to prove something to myself, but now I realise how dangerous that would have been for me and the baby.

Sorry just noticed your update - With a 3b I wouldn’t chance it happening again. I’ve known women suffer lifelong incontinence problems from perineal trauma

@Babynumber2dueNov I had the same tear and with a large baby No 2 expected (he was another giant with a massive head) I opted for the elective c section. It was such a wonderful, calm birth in comparison. The blood loss was nothing compared to my tear and that alone made me feel so much better afterwards.

Please research the long term effects of severe tears and subsequent births. There are many women that are left with incontinence and some of them don't have problems arising until they hit the menopause.

So if you didn't have anything after your last tear, it's not that say that you won't if you tear again. My consultant also told me that the scar tissue is more likely to tear as it's less stretchy an doesn't heal as well when repaired afterwards.

He was relieved I agreed to the section.

My first baby was 10.6 pounds... ouch. It was a long, long haul with an epidural that wore off, a bad tear, and emergency forceps. I was really nervous for my next labour as baby was looking v big again. However, it was a breeze compared to the first time. She was 9.6lb and slid out in a couple of hours... as the midwife explained, my first baby had prepared the route! I was so glad to have a positive experience, no epidural and just gas and air. I was home 3 hours later. Hope it goes really well for you.

@ImagineRainbows
Don’t want to derail the thread, but I’m just really interested in your perspective as a midwife, seeing lots of births. I really rate elective cs, but I only have my own experience to go off, so appreciate that this colours my view.
Why would you avoid a cs in almost all circumstances other than shoulder dystocia?

Op, I had problems after first vb (just me ds was fine).
Had an elcs for ds2 and I found the recovery very straight forward really. The pain niggled on for a while, but no where near as much as the pain from a year. And none of that horrible uncertainty about how I would heal that a bad tear seems to leave women with. No lasting effects for me from the cs.

**pain from a tear not pain from a year!!