AIBU to ask which is worse, birthing a big baby with possible tearing or a c section?

[Babynumber2dueNov]

I’m seeing a consultant this week to discuss options as I’m measuring 6 weeks ahead and my first DD was 9lb5 😬. My husband is very into the idea of a c section as our first was so traumatic, extremely long labour, then induction, awful tear and massive wait to go to surgery resulting in huge blood loss. However, I’m very nervous of the impact of a c section, baring in mind I have a 2yo DD and need to get out the house for my sanity and worry I won’t be able to move for a few weeks.
Basically I’m asking for your experiences, difficult birth or elective c section- what was best for you? What would you advise? Thanks!

My first DC was 9lb8, awkward presentation so ended in EMCS. Second birth I went for a VBAC. Baby was a little smaller but 9lb2 so still on the hefty side. I had a 3rd degree tear (3c) and had to have it stitched in theatre. I was pushing for a long time too (2.5 hours) but it was my first vaginal delivery and subsequent deliveries tend to be quicker. I obviously didn't enjoy the experience but I must say, having done both, recovery from the VBAC was much quicker than the C-section, even with all the stitching. And I say that as someone who had a very straightforward recovery from the section.

I have a 2yo DD and need to get out the house for my sanity

Honestly, in medical/risk terms, I'd go for a planned section however you WILL need to properly plan around recovery. DH doing lifting, etc, making sure you have pain under control before leaving hospital, accept being unable to drive yourself (your insurance will likely not cover you until you're given the medical check at 6 weeks, mine didn't, I asked) so rope in favour for transportation or pay for taxis etc.

I think you're confusion is around the best thing for the birth vs. what you'll be able to do during recovery. I would seriously suggest clearing up this confusion... You can plan around recovery stuff by getting support lined up, but the birth itself is really less controlled aside from the csection choice dilemma.

In terms of csection recovery you'll hear all sorts... On my ward there was 1 woman sobbing in pain because she'd been left alone just hrs after having hers, couldn't even lift her baby safely as had only just regained feeling in her legs, it was disgusting, hers had been an emergency section after being in labour for 3 days, exhausted! Shocking, very horrible to witness that situation BUT mine from a delivery perspective was fine... No issues with the actual operation & my pain medicine was well managed (due to extreme scrutiny, due to other health conditions). It was other non-operation stuff that made my section a nightmare - very bad infection etc.

It took a longer time to recover from the section than I'd ever expected too - I couldn't even get in and out of our low bed safely for about 2-3 week, DH had to help. No fun at the 2am, 4am, 6am wake ups for feeds! And a changing table was a must, I couldn't get things if they fell on the floor for days. The recovery was hard and months later I still get searing pain if I forget to take it easy (jump without proper prep, accidently sit up straight on (a sit up) in bed without thinking, twist suddenly)...

I would still opt for a csection in your situation.

I had one emergency and one planned c-section. My recovery was fine with both. I think I was off all painkillers the day after I left hospital. I think I had an easier recovery than some of my friends who had natural births. Both my babies were big ( nearly 9lb and nearly 10lb)with large heads and with hindsight I'm really glad I didn't have vaginal births. I don't have a lot of the pelvic floor issues friends talk about.
The planned section was a calm experience
and much less stressful than waiting for labour to start. You do have to be a bit careful afterwards, I had a three yr old so slightly easier than a two yr old but I did a lot of practising off things like climbing in car seats in their own before the birth.

Meant to add , despite my experience, I e. a section being far far harder than I'd expected, I still consider that it was ok. But I don't think I'd been prepared properly for what recovery looked like. In my antenatal Group, the ones that had sections are still living with the after effects months later (see my comments about experiencing searing pain if I move in certain ways even now!).. the natural delivery women have long forgotten (some had tearing or had to be cut).. still might be the better option for you though.

A C section should never be underestimated as it is major surgery. I have had two natural and two C sections. Recovery from 1st C section was awful, I have a slight twist in my back and they couldn’t get the spinal in and tried 5 times and ended up hitting my spinal cord. I suffer with back pain now where they did that. I was in agony post operatively and couldn’t move. I actually pushed for the C section as they found out when I was overdue that he was big , it had been missed during all my checks and they predicted he would be 10lb 6. My previous baby was 9lb 6 and took me hours to give birth and I was worried with this pregnancy that he would get stuck. He ended up being 11lb 4 so I am glad I went for the section despite the recovery being awful.

I had a three B degree tear it was horrific, surgery straight after birth, pain even now when i squat down five years later. I had a section second time around was great I’ve had no pain nothing at all, I picked my three year old up after a few hours of my section. My section was a breeeze I would say a tear is worse.

I was back driving within a fortnight on my last two and within three weeks on my first

Careful with this, my insurance co was v clear I wouldn't be legally insured by my policy after a csection until I a) feel confident to do an emergency stop and b) the 6 weeks check was all clear.

It was their policy after major surgery and they did say each insurer has their own requirements... Best check.

Planned c-section much calmer and nicer experience than an emergency c-section which is where you may end up. Would go for the c-section if I were you.

If you have a planned c-section you can often be back on your feet in 2-3 days. I have never known anyone with a planned c-section who couldn’t breastfeed or carry the baby immediately - yes you probably should be more careful about driving etc but you will be fully recovered in 4 weeks. Every woman I know who teared in 2 pregnancies (they all had 3rd and 4th degree tears) has long term problems as a result -Most couldn’t even lift their babies after 6-8 weeks!. So from that logic and bearing in mind I know lots of women who have gone through both, in your situation I would pick a planned c-section.

It’s not just the risk of tearing you have to consider but the risk of shoulder dystocia and related problems, particularly if baby is predicted to be above 4.5kg at delivery.

I’m a midwife and would avoid a caesarean in almost all cases but having seen the life changing damage that a severe shoulder dystocia can result in a very large baby is the one time I would happily have one.

Only had c-sections so I've nothing to compare it too, but after my third I was home 2 days later and wallpapering the nursery (very early arrival).

How bad is a bad tear? 3/4th degree I’d 100% be going for the section.

My first baby was over 9lb and I had a third degree tear.

The consultant tried to scare me into a section with talk of shoulder dystocia and all sorts (!) which was not helpful.

In the end, I had a natural birth. It went incredibly smoothly, very quick, I did have a smaller tear again but healed so so much quicker- was up and about in a day which was a relief with a toddler! Plus dd was a pound lighter than her elder brother.

But I don't think I'd been prepared properly for what recovery looked like. In my antenatal Group, the ones that had sections are still living with the after effects months later

That's not the experience of me or most of my friends. The only one who had an issue months later had a bad infection in her wound. I've had two emergencies including one after 75 hours of back labour, failed forceps and pushing. Didn't need pain killers once what I was given in theatre wore off. I fully admit I'm on one end of the spectrum but I think pain months later is fairly close to the other.

Very difficult first birth due to severe dystocia and transfer in labour.
Last one was 9lb 13oz with not so much as a graze. Went to Tesco two hours after delivery. Size isn’t everything.

I didn't tear with my second but badly with my first. However my second was bigger and given you've had a 9 pounder already I'd be C section all the way!!

Sorry for not being specific- it was a 3b tear, I was left to bleed for 4 hours as there was no theatre and wasn’t deemed an ‘emergancy’ until I’d lost enough blood to become an emergancy so they’d open the ‘emergancy’ theatre. I lost a lot of blood, around 2.5 l and had to have several transfusions. Tbh I didn’t suffer with much pain after the tear, just extreme physical exhaustion from a 72 hour induced labour. Oh, and a few days later they realised they’d left gauze packing inside me, after having ‘checked’ resulting in an infection 😑 really not the best start!

I cant say what would be best for you, but "not being able to move for weeks" after a cs definitely wasn't my experience. I walked home from hospital (only 15 min walk, but still), and was taking baby for walks in the pram daily after that. In fact moving around was a lot more comfortable than it had been for months. Was driving around on my own with baby after a week - probably could have been sooner but I just didn't have anywhere to go before then.

I've had 2 c-sections, one emergency and one elective. Also 3 straightforward vaginal births, all nearly 9lbs and no tearing. I found both c-sections extremely hard but I don't know what having a tear is like.

2 sections here. Recovered well.

I had a long drawn out back to back labour with my first. 5hr45 minute pushing stage then shoulder dystocia on the way out and a second degree tear. Had the ELCS booked for the Wednesday with my second child, but he decided to arrive early with hardly any warning on the bathroom floor on the Monday (so two days before section date). Only my husband there to catch him! He was out in two pushes and I had a small tear again which this time thankfully didn't require stitches.

I've experienced both, I was lucky and recovered well with both. so, my sister had a worse tear that me and recovered well (11lb baby) an old friend had a c section under similar circs as me, she was hit hard by it and struggled to even get up.
Personally I would go with tear.

I had horrific tearing / blood loss etc with no 1. Had elcs with no 2 which was an absolute breeze in comparison

I had an EMCS for dd1. Just had an elective for Dd2. I chose that because she was measuring big. I recovered really well from the first section so I thought I'd rather go for another one knowing how well I recovered before.

The alternative was to give it a go naturally and possibly end up with a c section anyway or potentially end up with birth injuries anyway that could leave lasting damage and require surgery.

My second c section I've recovered even quicker. I felt really good considering I'd just had a baby. You do have to take it easy to some degree but I've got a lively 3.5 year old so I needed to be able to function pretty quickly. I started driving this week (Dd wasn't quite 3 weeks old). DH has gone away with work this week and I'm pretty much back to normal, just trying not to lift anything heavy or over stretch myself.

I was so keen to try for a natural birth this time but I'm glad I didn't. A c section was the right choice for me. I was so disappointed that my first birth ended in an emcs and felt like I'd failed. It cast a shadow over the first few months of my DD's life. This way I was taking back a bit of control of the situation.

Section every time.