AIBU to ask which is worse, birthing a big baby with possible tearing or a c section?

[Babynumber2dueNov]

I’m seeing a consultant this week to discuss options as I’m measuring 6 weeks ahead and my first DD was 9lb5 😬. My husband is very into the idea of a c section as our first was so traumatic, extremely long labour, then induction, awful tear and massive wait to go to surgery resulting in huge blood loss. However, I’m very nervous of the impact of a c section, baring in mind I have a 2yo DD and need to get out the house for my sanity and worry I won’t be able to move for a few weeks.
Basically I’m asking for your experiences, difficult birth or elective c section- what was best for you? What would you advise? Thanks!

I’ve only ever had a section so can’t really compare to tearing, but my recovery wasn’t too bad. I was up walking 6 hours later and able to take short trips to the shops a couple days later. I’m lucky that I have a lot within walking distance though, if you rely on driving I imagine it’s hard to give that up for 6 weeks

I had a pretty awful EMCS but I’d still choose it over a VB consider what you went through. I’ve been left with bladder issues thanks to the shit epidural but I was driving within three weeks and pretty ok.

I had a big baby and a second degree tear and then had an emergency section the next time. I’d choose the tearing every time, but then my tear wasn’t 3rd degree and i was ill with the section.

My fist ten pound DS was a two day labour and then EMCS. So kind of the worst of birth worlds. Because of my circumstances I had to have a c-section second time. Soooo much different when it's planned. You can plan child care for the other one. Be organised. Go in 'fresh' and I was out the next day. It is difficult to carry things and obviously you can't drive for a few weeks but I should imagine with a severe tear you wouldn't be on top form anyway. Don't get wrong I was devastated when I had to have a section first time after so much labour and would've loved to have a natural delivery but a planned c section is not too bad in the grand scheme of things. I expect your DH is worried about you too. Good luck with whichever you decide. The main thing is you are both healthy and well at the end (or start!) of it!!

I'd go elective section.

I had a bad tear with one DC who was 9.5lbs with a 40cm head, no amount of positioning was going to let that come out of a 10cm opening without a tear. I had many, many stitches and it had to be done in theatre by a surgeon rather than by the MW as it was borderline second/third degree. Luckily I did heal well but I had to have some physiotherapy for my pelvic floor which I found very awkward and embarrassing.

All of my subsequent DC were delivered by section.

A planned section is amazing, I even got to choose their dates of birth. I had gentle sections where the curtain was dropped right before delivery (you can't see anything as the incision is below your eyeline) and my gown was tugged down a bit then the baby was delivered straight onto my chest/into my arms just like in a vaginal birth. They delayed clamping the cord and then DH was allowed to cut it. Once the curtain went back up I was able to breastfeed and have skin to skin while they closed me up.

No experience of c sections but I think if it's all pre planned it might be better for you. Tears especially 3rd degree ones can have a lasting I'll effect.

I’ve had two big babies - 9.1 and 10.5. With my second I had a third degree tear which was fixed up under an epidural. It took about 5 years for me to feel right down there again - I had problems with controlling poo and farts, to use the technical terms.

Nothing doctors can do apparently to repair it, but it has got better on its own and with pelvic floor exercises.

If I had my time again I’d go for a section.

I was in this situation and I asked the consultant what he would say to his wife or sister - he said c section. I recovered really well and the baby was bigger so glad I made that choice.

My ds was a 10lber. No clue. Born within the hour at a ncb centre. Agree with above comments about the position rather than size. Do what makes you feel comfortable and confident!

Just under 10lb here and was seen up under epi.

Tbh I was absolutely fine and looked at my c section friend who's recovery period was a hell of a lot longer than mine.

My second was over 10 lbs at 39 weeks (first was just under 7 at 36 weeks).

I went for a VB (both times) as I wouldn't personally have a section unless required for medical reasons (mostly cos I'm squeamish about epidurals and the section process).

My second baby (the large one) was fine - 4 hours from start (induction) to finish. I had a third degree tear (but only one stitch in third degree region so more like a bad second degree). Stitched in theatre (so had to have the bloody epidural in the end anyway) but was up and about as soon as the epidural wore off.

Was a bit weak due to blood loss for a few weeks after (I have fibroids so was always going to happen) but I got iron tablets and was fine and all healed no bother. I've been told I can have further VBs if I wanted as it was only "just" a third degree, but I gave my two DD so I'm done.

I'd go VB every time unless my medical history required me to have a section. If your medical history requires a section, have one. If not or it's 50/50, go with your gut. You've done it before and know what to expect and what you can handle.

I have no comparison but I had an ELCS a month ago and it was brilliant. I was out of hospital just over 24 hours after baby was born and was out for a walk within two days. I was off painkillers within a few days and within about two weeks, couldn't even tell I'd had an operation and was pretty much totally physically recovered.

I also had a much easier c section recovery by far but the consultant really tried to persuade me out of an elective...to the extent that It doesn’t seem like a true choice. His rationale is that now the body has laboured (I had one by emcs and the other with utensils) it will mean far less maternal risk than surgery. I was told c section could increase chance of infection, perforating organs etc it was really like the horrible histories version of childbirth. Experience tells me a c section is the way forward but his scare stories give me reason to research it... so maybe do the same. See if you can find some independent advice but not from the nhs as I feel like they have a financial motivation to keep women out of theatre but I might be a cynic

Driving three days after a csection is not a good idea! You'll need to rest.

I have had two sections. First one emergency. Second one planned.
Planned section was brilliant. I was up
Out of bed walking round after eight hours and home after one night. I was up and down stairs getting bottles of milk the first night home as my husband had flu and was really poorly. Honestly no brainier if it were me I'd go for the planned section. First few days is worst but you feel better quickly when it's planned I think as they take more time and care getting baby out. Good luck.

I had a c section due to failed induction so technically emergency but not really, very calm like an elective

Mine actually went wrong as DS tore my uterus on the way out and I lost a lot of blood and had to go to HDU but I still recovered super fast and felt back to normal within a week or so. I would 100% go for a c section every time

I had a very similar situation. First baby had 3rd degree tear, postpartum haemorrhage and took a long time to recover. Had an elective section with my 2nd (after agonising over my decision throughout my pregnancy) and it was the best decision. A much better birth experience and I recovered so much quicker after my section. While my consultant said I could try for a vaginal birth as I had no complications after my tear, she said the urology doctors would recommend a section. That combined with a physio colleagues experience with working with women with continence problems following tears was enough to make my mind up. I didn't want to risk another tear and potentially being incontinent in my early 30s.

My first was an unplanned CS after 5 days of failed induction (3 pessaries, manually breaking waters and 14 hours on the drip, baby really didn’t want to come out!). Baby had to go to neonatal and I had trouble breastfeeding, I was pretty traumatised and ended up with PND. Didn’t think I would ever have another one! But lo and behold I did indeed have another and after MUCH deliberation opted for an elective CS. What I struggled with most is what people would think about me choosing to have ‘unnecessary’ surgery. I think there is stigma around choosing a CS. Some family did comment that they couldn’t understand why I would choose to go down that route. I ended up telling in-laws etc that the doctor had recommended it based on what happened last time. I worried a lot about choosing intervention as then anything that went wrong would be ‘my fault’. But we went ahead and I’m so, so glad I did. It was terrifying, don’t get me wrong, but so much more calm and controlled and really just as pleasant an experience as it could be. The first week or so you are in a lot of pain and thinking ‘what did I do?!’ but it soon subsides and by my 6-week check I felt mostly back to normal. No incontinence issues to worry about either. I know people say you shouldn’t encourage CS if unnecessary etc and I do understand but childbirth is such a personal thing and only the mother really knows what she can mentally cope with and how she wants to bring her child into the world. The doctor who did my paperwork for the ELCS detailed it as medically necessary and said to me that ‘medical need covers both the physical and the psychological’. I think some women just have such a traumatic time the first time round that they feel totally unable to face the unknowns of natural childbirth. Do what feels right for you deep down, your decision is no one else’s business.

I had a CS after failed 3 day induction with DS1, I was induced due to him being big (he was 9lbs at 38.3, I had DS2 17 months later and had an elective section as the first one was great, mega quick recovery

First baby. 9lbs.tore.but healed well. Second 10+lbs.no tearing. No point worrying OP.

DS2 was 10lb10 I had epidural, forceps and episiotomy
DD was smaller but an emc (sort of) after a failed induction
I found the recovery after the section easier than expected, it was easier to keep the wound clean and dry. The only thing I wasn't prepared for is the raised purple scar and overhang I still have after almost 18 months

had both - recommend natural birth if you can - nothing to do with size -second pregnancy was twins - couple of weeks proper recovery and not able to drive for 6 weeks -try natural first !

I had a 4th degree tear with DC1 and some issues controlling poo and farts.
I had a c section with DC2 because of the above and I loathed it. My wound got infected, I picked up MRSA in an unrelated leg wound while I was in hospital, I got adhesions at the wound site, my tummy is lumpy and numb and horrible, and the whole experience felt so clinical and alien and wrong. I'm never having any more children but if I did I would risk a VB.

I've had two c-sections. Emergency and elective. I would always choose a c-section if there was a chance of problems repeating themselves.

There are risks associated with any kind of surgery and surely there must be risks with a tear as well? I had a 2YO when I had my youngest. I think at least if you were to have a planned c-section you would be prepared and have things in place. The last thing you really want is be hoping for a VB and end up with an emergency c-section.

I've had three sections and recovered really quickly from them all. I was back driving within a fortnight on my last two and within three weeks on my first. A friend had horrific tearing on her first and had to use a catheter for several weeks. She had a section on her second baby and said compared to the first her recovery was a breeze.