AIBU to ask which is worse, birthing a big baby with possible tearing or a c section?

[Babynumber2dueNov]

I’m seeing a consultant this week to discuss options as I’m measuring 6 weeks ahead and my first DD was 9lb5 😬. My husband is very into the idea of a c section as our first was so traumatic, extremely long labour, then induction, awful tear and massive wait to go to surgery resulting in huge blood loss. However, I’m very nervous of the impact of a c section, baring in mind I have a 2yo DD and need to get out the house for my sanity and worry I won’t be able to move for a few weeks.
Basically I’m asking for your experiences, difficult birth or elective c section- what was best for you? What would you advise? Thanks!

@Itsnotfareee

Purely because the recovery is longer and harder, there is a risk of respiratory distress syndrome for the baby, there are more risks to the mother and each one is riskier whereas the vast majority of vaginal births are uncomplicated. I was lucky enough to have relatively ‘easy’ births. If I had suffered extensive tearing or complications afterwards I may feel differently. That’s just my personal choice though, those who chose an ELCS for whatever reason absolutely have the right to do and I will always respect that decision.

Shoulder dystocia is one of those things that no matter how many times I see or deal with it, it continues to terrify me. I have sadly seen babies left permanently damaged as a result and that’s always a risk that I am very aware of, hence why if I was having a macrocosmic (very large) baby I would prefer the ELCS risks.

Agree with PPs that position is REALLY important. 1st baby was 5 lbs and 3 weeks early but back to back and they made me lie down. It was agony and I had a bad tear.

2nd baby measured 9.5 lbs at 37 weeks and came out 8 and because I was hands and knees and upright and baby was anterior it was an absolute doddle. I was riding my bike 3 weeks after and had no bladder issues.

Position is such a big deal. Also, I run a baby group, and I think everyone feels this way who had a rough first birth. Generally, those women have okay second ones. A couple opted for a section and were absolutely fine and BF fine, so don't let it worry you too much either way.

@glueandstick can I ask what you mean about bladder issues from the epidural? I'm having a section this year, and had an emcs last time. My bladder is weak.

And for those who got infections - were you given antibiotics after surgery and still got an infection?

My sections were a doddle. Blood loss was really small - estimated at 250ml and 350ml for each section (average for a straightforward vaginal birth is 500ml), pretty much back to normal within a week.

The first 48 hours are a bit clinical, and it always takes me a while to get up and about, but the recovery curve is steep and I was out and about by day 3, out at shops etc.

The second time round it was harder to recover, but that was because of constipation- it's easy to get bunged up after It, and gas pains, but the actual incision was a low level irritation for a few days (though I did always keep up painkillers just in case). I'd summarise it as a pain free pleasant delivery with some pain for maybe 3 days but nothing unmanageable or difficult to deal with. I'd much, much rather a section than a mildly sprained ankle for example.

My first child was 10lb 5oz, my second 10lb 2oz. Yes I tore with my first but it was fine. No tears at all with the second.

Oh, and first baby was back to back. Had water births with both.

Baby 1 - natural delivery and massive tear. Recovery, 12 weeks ish and problems STILL ongoing over 5 years down the line.
Baby 2 - ELCS. Recovery 3 weeks. No further issues.

It’s a no brainer for me. I simply wouldn’t take the risk if you tore badly enough for surgery last time. The risk of more damage or making that damage permanent would be a no for me and I’d be requesting the section.

I had three difficult births. Long labours. Episiotomy with baby 1. Induced with baby 2 and he wasn’t coming out. He was 9 lb 13 oz and cord was wrapped around his neck, which was why he wasn’t coming out. Number 3 was anterior and 10 lbs. He was a c-section.

I found the c-section the most difficult to recover from, exacerbated by an infection of the site requiring hospitalization.

It sounds as if you had negligent care with your first delivery. Perhaps this one will be better.

I was fully recovered within 5 weeks after a 3c tear. Had no pain at any point after spinal wore off. I think it largely depends how competent the person doing the stitching is.

I was in this position. My first baby was 10.5lb... it hurt! Traumatic, long labour, forceps, tear. I was really nervous about baby 2, who was also measuring big. She was big... but a little smaller than the first, at 9.6lb. She slid out like a dream, just gas and air, and I went home 3 hours after her birth. The midwife explained that the first had prepared the route already!

I have no experience of C sections but I don’t think big babies always equal big tears. My FTM friend recently had a 10 pounder with nothing more than a graze. Also inductions (drip particularly) tend to be more difficult births which end in more interventions.

I would ask for a debrief using your first births notes before making the decision.

My husband is very into the idea of a c section as our first was so traumatic, extremely long labour, then induction, awful tear and massive wait to go to surgery resulting in huge blood loss

What part of that happened to him? Your body, your choice, though judging by the date of your OP you’ve probably had the baby by now!

Size doesn't necessarily mean a difficult birth and tearing and quite often they get the size wrong anyway. I wouldn't choose to have a section it is major abdominal surgery and not everyone recovers well. I was up and at 'em day 2 of my section taking care of my baby as soon as the catheter was out, didn't mean I wasn't still in shed loads off pain(I bloody well was) but you do what you have to. The second section for me was elective in that my consultant would not let me go over 40 weeks. I didn't do anything strenuous for two weeks and then when I did managed to split my stitches twice.

Consider how many more kids you would like to have and the impact of dealing with surgery and having a baby and another child to look after. You can have bladder issues after a section too. Definitely not an easy decision to make, I feel for you x

I had an emergency C-section, baby stopped breathing, (also had severe pre-eclampsia). I was out and driving 8 days later. A little sore but fine.

I would definitely rather have a C-section than risk a tear with normal birth.

OP I really don't think asking for others' experiences is a good way to decide, it's better too look at hard data like stats on risk.

You can have either a good or bad vaginal birth or CS, it's down to luck mostly.

Most people here are saying CS but my emcs hit me like a truck, dc2 vag birth (9lb 5) recovery was much better. Looking after newborn and toddler after major surgery is not a doddle, and CS carries higher risk for the baby.

Not an easy decision, good luck!

Just chiming in to say, I've been through this, first baby was 9lb 6, tearing, dreadful complications for both of us, awful recovery, second was 10lb 2 (!), emergency C section, recovery was a dream by comparison. I wish we'd planned a C section and saved the futile labour pain and panic.
At the very least, I could pee without crying, c section was worth it just for that.

And I just realised this is a zombie thread, darn it! I hope everything went well for the OP.

It’s such a personal thing that it’s hard to recommend one over the other - no two births, and no two recoveries are the same, even for the same mother! Still, I thought I’d add my experience to the pile, as it’s relevant...

My first baby was smallish (7lb 3oz) but got stuck in an awkward position, so after a 3 day nightmare labour I ended up with an emergency C section (very well handled). I was on a crowded postnatal ward for 2 days after which was by far the worst part of the experience!! Once I was home, it was another 5 days before I was up and walking to the local cafe with my baby in a stretchy fabric wrap sling. I had to sleep propped up on one side so I could feed the baby in the night, and the biggest challenge/most painful part was getting up to stand from a reclining or sitting position - doable, but not at all fun. I’d say I had a very straightforward and fairly quick recovery, with minimal scarring. I was 33 at the time, and lucky that I didn’t experience any infections or complications with the stitches. Coughing and sneezing were terrifying for about a fortnight though.

My second (I was 37) was larger (8lb 10oz), and born at home with a very easy, quick labour but second degree tearing that meant I transferred to hospital for some complex stitching and an overnight stay due to blood loss. If I were to have a third, I would choose the c-section recovery over the pain of the stitches and the extreme bruising I experienced second time round - I struggled far more with sitting, walking (did an old lady shuffle for at least a week) and getting up, plus I needed an inflatable ring to sit on at all times . I think it took at least two weeks until I felt vaguely normal again, and I found washing/caring for the stitches very painful and a bit scary - the position of the C-section wound was easier for me to deal with I think. That said, tears aren’t guaranteed with natural births - I was unlucky as my big baby decided to come out very fast, all in one go, so no gradual stretching for me! Argh!! But... I healed well and everything is back to ‘normal’ (as far as can be) with no lasting damage to pelvic floor etc.

Ach! Zombie thread! Hope it all went ok for you OP :)

I tore with my 8 1/2 lb baby and was fine with my 10 1/2 lb baby. The differences were he was given all the time in the world to be born.
I laboured in water where I could be in any position that felt most comfortable - mainly upright, never on my back.
With my smaller child, I was hurried for no good reason and expected to give birth flat on my back where he was going against gravity.
I've never had a c sect but that second and subsequent birth was one of the best experiences.

I had a third degree tear and a c-section, would take the c-section any day.