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AIBU?

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Original poster

AIBU to be uncomfortable about this - kids alone overnight

116 replies

saturdaykitchenfloor · 14/09/2019 08:07

Name changed as I don't know if the parent is on here.

Someone I know is leaving their two children alone overnight. The children are 15 and 12, and the parent is going away more than 3 hours' distance away in the car to stay. The childrens' father (divorced) doesn't know. She is away for nearly 24 hours, then the childrens' father picks them up. Eldest child knows where the mother is.

AIBU to think this really isn't ok? Or am I being OTT and it's fine, given that the 15 year old is nearly 16?

OP posts:
CactusAndCacti · 14/09/2019 08:12

It's not great at all and I'd be surprised if the children were 100% comfortable with it.

Is this a regular occurrence? Surely the Dad must know too.

Teensruletheroost · 14/09/2019 08:14

YANBU they are too young. Can she not ask the dad to have them a day early?

BykerBykerOoh · 14/09/2019 08:14

Yabu unless you know something about the kids that suggests they wouldn’t manage or aren’t happy with the situation.

WhyBirdStop · 14/09/2019 08:15

If she thought it was fine why doesn't their father know? Surely he should be given the option of looking after them? At 15 I would've been ok overnight but wouldn't have wanted the responsibility of the 12 year old.

lyingwanker · 14/09/2019 08:18

I wouldn't have a problem with it. The 15 year old is almost 16 you said, I was working full time and living alone at 16 so 🤷🏼‍♀️. I also regularly looked after my much younger siblings, a 12 year old would've been a wall in the park

Weebitawks · 14/09/2019 08:22

At those ages I wouldn't say it's a problem. I mean, it's a bit shit if it regularly happens. My parents went on holiday leaving me along at 15/16 and went out for evenings plenty when I was 12.

Tatapie · 14/09/2019 08:27

12 is quite young I think so depends on the maturity of the children I think and crucially how they feel about it.
I'm wobbly about leaving my 2 for the first time , 16 & 14, I'm 1.5 hours away - its an evening and night then they'll go to school. It's just things like if there's a fire.. I'm going to leave a local friend as an emergency contact , make sure they have fones in their rooms etc. But I judge them to be old enough and they're ok about it.

adaline · 14/09/2019 08:29

I don't see a problem with it. The 15 year old
is more than capable of getting help if there was any kind of problem.

At those ages won't they just eat pizza and watch TV and stay up too late?!

CSharpLemon · 14/09/2019 08:30

So, she leaves in the evening, the children sleep, wake up, go to school and their dad picks them up?

ToBeShared · 14/09/2019 08:34

Depends on the kids - some are mature, confident and well behaved at 12 and 15 and some are up to mischief or have loads of anxiety at the age of 18 and cannot be left. I know my kids and that is how I would make that decision. And I would not conclude that the mum didn't tell the dad because she thought she was doing something she thought was wrong - maybe she thought he would think it was wrong but that doesn't mean he is right!

joblotbubble · 14/09/2019 08:36

There is no right answer. 2 confident, happy and non fighting generally children? Totally fine.

Throw anything else into the mix? Not fine.

IncrediblySadToo · 14/09/2019 08:37

If the kids are happy then it’s fine.

cccameron · 14/09/2019 08:42

Me & my brother were left with our sister overnight at similar ages. It all went wrong, friends invited round, alcohol about. Without us realising our sister and friend necked alot of vodka and were very ill. Looking back I think we should have got her to hospital. We were all very well behaved kids usually, it just went a bit Lord of the flies when our parents weren't there. So that would be a big fat no from me. The 15 won't be interested in looking after a 12 year old sibling and things can go awry

RB68 · 14/09/2019 08:44

I think it does depnd on the maturity the kids and if they get on and if the house is one with good neighbours and no log fires or gas stoves etc I wouldn't have an issue thy will order pizza watch films play games and sleep its fine

Rachelover60 · 14/09/2019 08:46

Is this a one off, SaturdayKitchen?

She must be confident in her children to do that. A fifteen nearly sixteen year old should be able to cope with mum away for one night and the twelve year old could probably sleep with her.

It all depends on how the children feel about it & how sensible they are. Some are very nervous at night and like to know a parent is in the house, others don't care.

flumpybear · 14/09/2019 08:50

I think it makes her a pretty crappy parent to be honest, she has responsibilities which she's dumping on another child to look after a younger child - at least ask the dad if he'd like to take some responsibility for his kids if she needs to be away

But I suspect it's fine in the eyes of the law

rookiemere · 14/09/2019 08:51

I thought it was illegal to leave under 16s alone overnight? Too young, would be ok once oldest was 16, know it's an artificial boundary but doesn't seem appropriate before then.

steppemum · 14/09/2019 08:53

15 and 12?
It is fine.

BUT, if this is regular, then it is not ideal, I'd be less bothered by a one off. In fact I have kids slightly older and we did leave them once or twice at this age in similar situation.
And the biggest thing is - is there someone they could call on if there was a problem? So I have a close friend who lives 100 yards away, and knew we were away, and my kids knew they could go to her at any time for anything. Also in our small street there are 3-4 neighbours that would have happily helped and my kids would have happily called on them.

OwlBeThere · 14/09/2019 08:53

I would happily leave my daughters alone in that circumstance and they are the same ages.

steppemum · 14/09/2019 08:54

I thought it was illegal to leave under 16s alone overnight?

Not in England, there is no age in law.
In scotland it certainly used to be illegal, don't know if it still is

Headinthedrawer · 14/09/2019 08:55

I moved out of home at 16.However my parents were shit.I wouldn't leave my 12 year old alone overnight and I don't think it's fair to leave the 15 year old responsible for her.My mum did this with me and my older sister regularly and I remember having to open the door in the middle of the night to 2 police officers looking for a missing boy.They hammered on the door.I was terrified.I also remember my lovely 15 year old sister buggering off out with her mates and leaving me alone.The fact she hasn't told the dad shows she knows it's not right

OwlBeThere · 14/09/2019 08:57

There was a time when the vast majority of people at 15/16 had jobs. Nannying, digging coal etc etc why do we infantilise young people so much??

Wildorchidz · 14/09/2019 09:00

I don’t think it’s fine. Is she telling her children not to tell their father what she is doing? I am assuming that this is a regular occurrence and was not just a once off ?

Bookworm4 · 14/09/2019 09:00

Perfectly fine, I’m sure she knows her own children. Nearly 16 is more than able regards safety etc. I wonder if some parents will still be getting babysitters for their 17 yr olds at this rate🙄

Bookworm4 · 14/09/2019 09:01

@saturdaykitchenfloor
Mind your own business and probably thoughts of telling the dad.

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