AIBU to be uncomfortable about this - kids alone overnight

[saturdaykitchenfloor]

Name changed as I don't know if the parent is on here.

Someone I know is leaving their two children alone overnight. The children are 15 and 12, and the parent is going away more than 3 hours' distance away in the car to stay. The childrens' father (divorced) doesn't know. She is away for nearly 24 hours, then the childrens' father picks them up. Eldest child knows where the mother is.

AIBU to think this really isn't ok? Or am I being OTT and it's fine, given that the 15 year old is nearly 16?

I hope the 15 year old has a trusted adult that they can confide in.

Nope. Way way too young. Shame on her.

I think it’s fine, my mum use to go on holiday and leave me and my brother alone at those ages, but then I was living alone at 16 anyway

*Do plenty really move out at 16?

How do they afford to-I thought that they still had to be in education.*

Ofcourse they do! It was common for parents to kick their 16-17 year olds out and down the council as being 16 and homeless you we’re a priority for housing. I got housed at 16 with no social services involvement, they didn’t get involved back then. And back then 16 year olds could claim jsa (didn’t have to Be in education at all)

I am not sure any boyfriend is worth compromising the safety of her children. Why can't he stay with them?? Far safer.

I have never ever met anyone that was married at 16.
Apart from children in foster care/assisted living I have never known anyone to independently live alone and fully support themselves with no help either. The idea that when a child reaches sixteen they are suddenly capable of fending for themselves is actually a very dangerous, old fashioned idea.

At sixteen you are still a minor, you are still a child until you reach eighteen. Sixteen is not the magic number and you suddenly wake up mature, sensible and ready to take on the world.
The reality is most sixteen year olds are very vulnerable, they don't have the skills or ability to navigate serious problems alone. At fifteen they definitely don't.

We need to take better care of our teens. It has been proven that a child brain reaches maturity at twenty five years of age, it is still developing before then.

I am not suggesting we wait until our children are twenty five before leaving them! Simply that 12 and 15 is very young when you consider brain development.

www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=141164708&t=1568543973932

bigthink.com/mind-brain/adult-brain

Mine are that age. I leave them in the holidays when I go to work and I have left them a handful of times while we've been out on a night out (in the same town) The 12 year old tends to wait up for us and has a rung a couple of times asking when we'd be back. So for mine. No, thwy wouldn't be quite ready. Everyone different though

15/16yos have babies literally all the time.

Are they not allowed to be alone overnight with their own kids?

I think it’s fine, though I personally wouldn’t do it with my 15yo. Only because I know she would have her boyfriend over to stay in a hot second.

I worked FT and left home at 16 so I think an almost 16 year old is fine home alone for a day.

I don't know anyone who has been kicked out at 16, yes it does happen but not to everybody

At 12, a lot of kids (including me!) already travel on their own to visit family for example, let alone at 15. Not sure why the idea of a 12 year old sleeping in a house with his 15 year old sibling is more scary and upsetting that a 12 year old taking the train alone.

Some posters are weird.

The 12 year old doesn’t know where the mother has gone. He or she thinks the mother is at work, comes home when the children are asleep and is gone to work again when the children wake up in the morning.
The 15 year old is expected to collude with the mother’s lies.
That’s all wrong.

true enough about the lies

kids on their own can be absolutely fine

kids on their own can be absolutely fine

They can be yes and then again sometimes things can go horribly wrong. Not a risk I'd take with my children, especially just to spend time with a boyfriend.

one day, you will have to let them go - you can't molly-cuddle your kids when they are old enough, it's recipe for disaster in the long term.

one day, you will have to let them go - you can't molly-cuddle your kids when they are old enough, it's recipe for disaster in the long term.

Nobody is saying otherwise.
12 is still a child.

So if you don't go out for 24 hours & lie to your kids about where you are just to shag your boyfriend then your mollycoddling your kids? Fucking hell I've heard it all now.

That child is 12 and is her responsibility. It's not the 15 year old sisters responsibility to care for her while her mum goes to stay with her boyfriend. And yes we all know that some kids had left home, had their own kids, travelled to the ends of the earth, worked down the mines at 13/14/15 but it still doesn't make it right.